My Podcast is Live! And now I want to throw up

by Goli Kalkhoran | Jul 5, 2018 | Blog

Helloooooo World!!

The podcast is live!! So I guess this is happening. I’m equal parts excited out of my mind and terrified to the point of wanting to throw up. I’m assuming that from where you sit it seems silly to be terrified. On the scale of scary things people are going through in this world, putting out a podcast doesn’t even make the scale. I get it. You’re right. Also, maybe stop being such a judgy jerk.

But I can’t shake this little voice in my head. You have one too. I’m certain. The little bully that is screaming at the top of her lungs right now “CODE RED” “CODE RED”. What will people think?! What will they say?! Will they even listen?! We’re panicked.

First, have you ever listened to your own voice on a recording?! I’m sure you’ve heard yourself on a video or something. But take that cringiness and multiply it by 1000. I’m still shocked that people have been talking to me my whole life when I sound like this.

Second, while putting out a podcast isn’t technically scary, putting yourself out there for people to judge really is. It shouldn’t be because, who cares? Right?!
Me!!! That’s who cares. I care. A little too much. I’ve spent my whole life engrossed in what people think of me. A habitual people-pleaser. The idea of someone in a far away land not approving of what I do has stopped me many times before. Sounds silly. I know. I’m working on it. But Rome wasn’t built in a day.

And, yet, here we are. I’m ignoring the yelling for now and putting it out there. Mostly because every time I have pushed past her non-stop yammering, something great has happened.
But, more importantly, because that is the point of this whole podcast! We all have that voice. Some are better at lowering the volume than others but it is a constant hum in the background of our minds. It tries to keep us safe, even if safe means miserable. Don’t try something new because what if you fail?! Don’t show you’re vulnerable because you will look weak! Are you crazy!?! Just do what you’ve always done. Stay in your lane. It’s safe there. Even if you’re dying side.

That voice is what keeps people in careers they hate. When it is unchecked and unchallenged, it creates a level of fear that seems insurmountable. But a funny thing happens when you simply speak the words of that fear into existence. It seems silly. It’s downright crazy.

So here we go. We’re telling her to shut it for now and putting this out there. Hopefully, the stories of all these other incredible people who have learned to ignore their inner critic will inspire you (and me) to do the same.