In this week’s episode of Lessons from a Quitter, we dive into an unpolished but powerful reflection on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and how understanding it can help us navigate uncertainty and reduce unnecessary suffering. We explore the difference between “clean” and “dirty” pain and how our brains are wired to always look for problems—even when life is objectively good. By recognizing where we are on the hierarchy, we can cultivate more compassion for ourselves, redirect our minds toward meaningful goals, and find gratitude for the structure and challenges that keep us grounded, even in seasons of self-doubt or transition.
Ep. 381: Hierarchy of Needs
Ep. 381
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Hierarchy of Needs
[00:00:00] Hello my friends and welcome to another episode. I'm so excited you are here. How are you all doing? We're kind of nearing the end of 2025, which is wild to say. It's a lot been going on in the world and I'm sure in your lives. I've wanted to talk about this topic and it's not a fully formed concept in my mind yet, so I've hesitated talking about it 'cause I usually like to like form it, have it.
W have the examples of it in my own life and then bring it to you as like a concept that you can learn from. But this has been something that has been really important to me and I've been kind of working through, and I think it has helped me in certain ways deal with the season in life that I'm in, which has a lot of uncertainty in it.
And so I figured I would share it even if it's not fully formed. I think sometimes when I talk through it, it starts to form. More. So if this is your first episode, maybe check out another one because, um, it usually isn't like this, but I think for the people that have been [00:01:00] here for a while, um, I'm hoping that it will be helpful and I think it's something that we just need to discuss more.
And so I figured I would bring it to you today. Okay. One of the things I've been thinking a lot about is. Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I know that sounds random, but, and I'll explain why I've been thinking about it, and I, and I want to use it as a way to help you understand your brain better and to help you understand your life better and to help you maybe take off some of the dirty pain, the suffering that we put on ourselves that isn't necessary.
So if you've been around here, I use this concept of dirty pain a lot. The concept in psychology where there's clean pain of like, grieving things, sadness, like something happens, you're disappointed. And then a lot of us add on a lot of dirty pain, which is like guilt and shame and why am I like this?
I shouldn't feel like this. I should just be grateful and what's wrong with me and blah, blah, blah. All that other additional suffering that doesn't really deal with, like, let's say I had a breakup and I, of course I'm gonna feel sad. That's a very normal human [00:02:00] emotion. But then when I add onto it, like I knew I wasn't lovable.
I'll never find someone. Then I add on a lot of dirty pain. That's the concept. And I have been going through my own um, experiences of clean and dirty pain over the last couple of months as I sort of figure out what I wanna do with my life, what I wanna do next, and thinking about this concept that this hierarchy of needs has helped me.
And so I'm hoping that it helps you as well. Okay, so here's what I want you to understand or think about with your brain when it comes. Towards this. Now, if you don't know what Maslow's hierarchy of our need of needs are, let me explain it. Basically, the understanding, it's a psychological theory that humans are motivated by certain tiers of needs, and so until you have a certain that tier met, you can't really move on to.
Worry about the next tier, right? And so you start with something, you start at the bottom base, which is like your absolute base physiological needs. So food, air, right? Clean air, clean [00:03:00] water, clothing. Like if you don't have that, there's nothing else you need to worry about. And there's nothing else that you have time to worry about.
We all know that, right? It's like you have to get your base level of needs met first, then you can move on, and you then move on and worry about safety, right? And security. You worry about your employment or really like where your family lives and if you are in a safe place. So we all understand this, like if you are in an active war zone, you are not thinking about, you know, whether you're pursuing your passion in your life or whether you're fulfilled your life.
You don't have time to think about that. You're thinking about like, how do I get my family to be safe? And your, all of your brain's processing power is focused on that. Right? And as you move up on this hierarchy of needs. You start focusing on different things, okay? And so I'll just read off some of 'em so you understand how this triangle kind of goes.
Like we said, it starts with phys, phy, physiological needs, breathing, food, water, shelter, clothing. Then it goes to safety and security, health, [00:04:00] employment, right? Your property, family safety. Then it goes to love and belonging. So relationships, intimacy, friendships, family, sense of connection. Then it goes to self-esteem.
So your confidence, achievement, respect of others, the need to be unique. And then the last tier is self-actualization, right? And that's like. Your purpose, meaning in life, inner potential, morality, creativity, all of that stuff. And it's understandable, it's very understandable that like, yes, if I don't have these other needs met, it's hard for me to move on to this self-actualization.
And that's obviously the highest wrong. And like not everybody gets to have the ability to even worry about this. The other thing that I have been thinking about when I think about this is the fact that your brain is built. To solve problems, okay? That is really one of the only purposes is to look for problems and then solve them.
That is how it has kept you alive. So you're constantly scanning your environment as to like what is wrong, what needs to be fixed, and that is how your brain has kept you alive because for most of human history. [00:05:00] We were hunter-gatherers and you're constantly having to kind of scan for danger and that is, you know, your brain doesn't care if you're happy or you're fulfilled.
It cares if you live. And because of that, understanding these two things I think is actually really helpful in reducing your own suffering. When you understand that this is what your brain was meant to do, it's not meant to just be happy. It wasn't created to just like let you live in peace. And that's okay.
That's just the way that it functions. You can then funnel it a little bit better, focus it on the things that you want to problem solve. Okay? And what I mean by that is that when I stop realizing and when I stopped expecting that there's gonna be a time where I'm just gonna be. Kicking up my feet and everything is gonna be great, and I'm gonna feel great.
That just is not the way that my brain works. When I started realizing like, my brain's always gonna look for a problem, and so if my basic problems are met, if I know that where my paycheck is gonna come from, and my family is relatively safe, and we have food and we have clothing, and I have relationships, I'm married and I have my children, and I have my, you know, a pretty good [00:06:00] family.
And it's not to say that I don't have any problems within these things. My brain's gonna look for another problem. It's gonna look for something else to solve. And that's like the first thing that I can start directing it is like, what do I want it to solve? What is not actually a problem? What if, if I leave it unintended, um, I like to sometimes use the analogy of our brain as like a, a dog on a leash, right?
If the dog is pulling you and it's just pulling you in any direction and you have no say of where it goes, right? We all know how that might feel. And it, it can feel very, um, overwhelming and scary, and as if you are at the whims of this animal, which we, a lot of us do feel like that with our brain.
It's like we wake up and we don't even know where it's gonna take us, and we don't know what emotion is gonna hit us, and we're just bracing and hoping that we don't get hurt too much. Right. As opposed to having a dog on a leash that you are leading and you're like, no, no, no. I know you wanna go. Sniff this bush.
I know you wanna, we're not going over there. We're going over here. I think that one of the best things about thought work that I've learned about mindset work is that I have way more control to direct to my brain. So when I realized like [00:07:00] it is such a blessing in my life that I have a lot of these baseline needs of my hierarchy met, that my brain doesn't have to sit and figure out where are we gonna get food?
How are we gonna pay rent, right? How are we going to be safe right now? It has all that, so it's going to look for a different problem. And so I have to give it a different problem. Either that or it's gonna find it. Have you noticed? It's like for all of us, we just create a lot of drama in our lives.
Sometimes it's like, well, why didn't she text me back and why? You know, we'll create like maybe there's more gossip or there's family drama or we create like somebody you, we all know people that are like this, where it's like that's just, they can never be happy about something or they find something else to complain about.
It's this. Again, this dog that is pulling you on its leash, it's just finding another problem to try to solve. One of the reasons I actually love goals is because of this. So I've obviously talked, if you listen to my episode on the happy life of mediocrity, I obviously talk about loving where you're at, but, and I, and I try to limit people on how many goals they [00:08:00] choose, and I try to limit people so that we don't run away with this idea of always achieving more.
But I always say that I still love goals. I still love like pushing myself. I still love like, finding something to. I go on this journey of bettering myself and having more resilience. One of it is because I understand this about my brain. I'm like, if I don't give myself a goal, my brain is gonna come up with another problem to solve.
It's just gonna look for problems. It's gonna look for what's not right. It's gonna look for where we're lacking. It's gonna look for what isn't working, and then it's gonna try to fixate on that. 'cause it needs something to solve. And I would rather not spend my time like nitpicking at my children or at my husband and worrying about something that's not really an issue.
I would rather be like, all right, brain, I'm gonna lead you. We're gonna go over here. Our problem we're gonna solve this year is gonna be getting our health in order, or we're gonna solve, investing our money or whatever. I'm just gonna create this problem that I wanna solve, not because I need to get there to be happy, but truly because I just need to give you [00:09:00] something to do.
Okay. And so I think when you can understand that is like the first helpful thing to realize, like your brain needs a problem to solve. So like figure out what problem you want it to solve or it will find something. Okay. But the second thing is, is like really understanding this Maslow's hierarchy is that like you just basically are gonna move from worry to worry.
You're gonna move on to something else. Okay. And for me, one of the things that this has helped, what I mean by this is that. I am in this place. Luckily, I'm blessed enough where I'm sort of in the two, top tiers of the hierarchy. Now, it's not an exact, obviously science, like you probably go through a bunch of 'em, but I'm really in like the self-actualization of really thinking about like, what is my purpose?
What I want my passions to be, what do I want to like my legacy to be? What's the meaning of life? What is my inner potential? All of those kind of really kind of. Esoteric questions, philosophy, philosophical questions that we ask, and even like my need to be unique and significant and my own achievements and all that stuff.
So [00:10:00] that's where I'm at, which has a ton of privilege. It's like an unbelievably privileged place to be. I realized this, one of the reasons I started thinking about this was when I was in Iran in April for spring break. It was, it's not like, I don't know how, what is happening in Iran or how my family lives there, but it was fascinating for me when I was there to think about telling people I'm a coach.
'cause it's so ridiculous. Like it's so ridiculous to tell somebody who doesn't know what the price of meat is gonna be tomorrow. And like literally can't make long-term plans because you have no idea what the government's gonna do and you don't know if you have enough electricity and you don't have these very serious.
Issues that you have to deal with, like thinking about like, what do I want to do with the rest of my life is an absurd. Thing to say and it makes you feel silly. Now, obviously, I think even in those countries, even in places where you don't have some of the bottom needs met, you still get to think about a lot of this stuff and you still get to plan for the future and you [00:11:00] still get to have joy and you still get to, it's not to say this is an all or nothing thing, but I remember thinking like it would be really difficult to even explain what I do because it is.
Not really accessible to the life that they like. There's outside circumstances that impact what they can focus on. And I think for a lot of us, we are sort of seeing that now, maybe play out more in this country where a lot of us are realizing like maybe the safety that we did have is not there as much anymore.
Or, um, maybe the economy isn't going to always be good or maybe learn, you know. Meeting our even basic needs and paying groceries or whatnot, or keeping our employment, like when that becomes a problem, that is the only problem I have to solve at this point. Like I can no longer think about my purpose and passion and whatnot.
The other thing that got me thinking about this is somebody had made a TikTok, I'd seen somebody was talking about depression and talking about, and I'm not talking about like major mental illness, but they, this person was just talking about, kinda living in this world that is, it is [00:12:00] not meant for us.
And she was saying how like, she doesn't know how parents do it because she can't imagine like, it's so hard sometimes to get outta bed. And to just go through the day to day. Like how do you do it when you have, when there's someone's always relying on you. And one of the things that this has got me thinking about, again in my own situation, because I have felt like that too, that hopelessness or not wanting to get outta bed and not wanting to do anything and realizing that like.
It's a blessing in disguise that I have to, that I ha I don't have a choice. It's not my motivation, but my kids need to eat right. My kids need to get to school. My kids need these things that they need, and so whether I want to or not, it forces me to get out of bed. It forces me to meet other people's certain needs.
And before I can just like sit and like, well, what is the point of all this and why do we live in this world and all this other stuff that can consume me and create a lot of negative feelings. I started realizing like maybe it's a good thing that I have a lot of day-to-day things that I have to do.
Like maybe there's a real blessing in that, in that meeting of certain basic [00:13:00] needs in order to not let myself create bigger problems than I know how to deal with right now, or that that there is no answer to. And so I say the reason I think, again, I haven't fully formed this, but I think that it has been helpful to me is.
I don't mean to say this, to give you another reason to beat yourself up. So it's not to say like, oh, well you're so privileged. You only have to worry about self-actualization. Yes. I am so privileged that like that is usually the realm and where my brain is creating a lot of problems for me or worries.
That doesn't mean that like. I, I didn't have anything to do with that privilege. I am lucky to have it. I hope everybody at some point gets to their lives where they have the rest of their needs met, that they can worry about this. This is just what my situation is, but one of the things that it does in knowing this.
Is, it helps me understand like, oh, my brain is looking for a problem to solve. Now I don't have to beat myself up and be like, oh you're such an ungrateful human that the only thing you still have to worry about is like what your purpose is in life, right? [00:14:00] It doesn't have to go all there, but it can go to like, of course, like when I have nothing else really in my life that I have to kind of fight for right now.
That this is where my brain is gonna be like, oh my God. But what is the purpose and all, what are we gonna do next? And what if it's not good enough and this can't be it. And it creates this really big problem. And I have the perspective of realizing like, that's just what my brain is trying to find a problem.
And maybe it's not as big of a problem as I think it is, right? Maybe it's not as as. Um, it doesn't have to be as all and consuming as I. My brain thinks it is, right. So for a lot of people that I coach, I think that it does become really a, a consuming, like what is my one passion in life and what am I gonna do?
And you know, and I even, it's not to say I don't have these thoughts. But I realized like, I dunno, we're gonna solve that problem and then as soon as we do, we're gonna have another problem. Another one's gonna pop up. 'cause that's what my brain's gonna do and I can feel really grateful that like, I'm so glad that I have the time and space to even worry about [00:15:00] these self actualization issues.
And of course I, you know, it's gonna move to that like when you don't have to worry about money so much, or you don't have to worry about safety and security so much. You have the time and space, but you're just gonna have a new set of worries. And so I don't take it as seriously. I think like obviously I think I've done a lot of work on like passion and purpose and stuff, and so I don't believe in those like concepts as much, but I also think like I have this like belief, like of course my brain is going there.
Of course, I think this is a huge deal. Of course, I think I'm not doing enough within my life. Of course, I think that like I should have a bigger legacy because my brain is just finding something to try to solve. It is finding something and be like, but wait, what about this? But look at this. Is this an issue?
And I get to kind of bring it back and be like, yeah, we can work on that. We wanna feel more fulfilled. Like what would make me feel more fulfilled? Or I wanna feel more purposeful, or I wanna feel like I'm giving back. And those are good things to think about. 'cause I have the space and a lot of people don't have the space to think about that.
So I wanna be more helpful and I wanna be more in my community, but I don't have to make that this like all encompassing dirty [00:16:00] pain. Like, oh my God, what is life? It doesn't mean anything. And why do I feel like this? And I'm never gonna achieve my potential and all this other drama around it. I get to realize like, huh, this is sort of the level that we are at, that we're, we're gonna work on.
And I have to figure out what that goal is, what that problem is that I, that I wanna work on and I can understand and accept and like have the empathy of realizing like a lot of people don't even, can't even get there. And I think for a lot of us, the reason I wanted to bring this in is 'cause I think a lot of people, you might have to keep your job.
While you're figuring out what you wanna do, and we, we create a lot of dirty pain around that. We get, create a lot of dirty pain of like, ugh, I just wish I had more time and I wish I had more space and I wish I had more you know, security to not have to do this, to be able to figure it out. And I just wanna.
Offer perhaps a different look at it. And you don't have to accept this. I'm not saying that it's going to work for every one of you. And I'm not saying you shouldn't leave your job, but the same way I look at like how is it a blessing that like I have to get up [00:17:00] and take care of my kids even if I don't want to.
Even if like deep down in my bones I'm like, I just wanna rot in bed all day because I cannot bear to look at what's on the news or I cannot bear to like keep going. Like it is something that forces me. To not get lost in that noise, to not allow myself to wallow in that depression, to not allow myself to like get so overwhelmed by these big questions that I, it brings me back to the precedent of like, okay, well we just have to pack a lunch now, and for some of you that might be like my job, right?
It's that like, okay, in order for me to fulfill these bottom tiers, I have to keep this income, I have to have this job, and I have to pay these bills. And that's actually a really beautiful thing because it not only allows me to have sort of ascend on this hierarchy of needs, it allows me to have these other things covered, but it also like doesn't give me all of this extra time to sit and ruminate in these new problems that my brain creates, right?
So it keeps me more in the like, let's solve basic problems like paying our rent [00:18:00] and whatnot again. I, this isn't a black and white thing, so I'm not saying that like, you should be so grateful that you, I mean, you, you can be grateful that you have a paycheck. I, it's not to say, it's not to minimize that, like maybe your job really is to, toxic for lack of a better term or not a good work environment for you.
Those are all can be true. I just wanna like offer that perhaps when you look at it and you think about like, if I didn't have this and I didn't have, to. Be busy during the day. That does sound great for a couple of weeks. But what I have seen from a lot of people is that I was just listening to this other person online who had taken like a year off of her business, she had made like multiple millions of dollars and she took a year off.
And then I became two and she was going on this whole self-actualization journey and she like didn't wanna sell anymore. And she recently came back and she was saying that she was the most depressed in those two years. And she realized because it was like she had literally nothing to do all day and she had nothing to pour her kind of creativity in.
And she didn't have that [00:19:00] connection anymore and she didn't have a goal she was working towards, and so she got further and further into this like. What is the point of life type of situation? And she sort of lost herself in that, in those two years. And she's back now and she is creating another business just because like, she's like, I need to give my brain something to do.
And I think that when I, I see examples of that again, I can understand that it's easy to roll your eyes like, oh God, you got bored. So sad. You know? But I just think when you look at it from like a a brain perspective. From neuroscience, when you look at like, Hey, my brain needs something to solve and if I don't have anything for it to solve, it's just gonna create other problems.
It's just gonna create other issues for it to solve. Then , is there a blessing in having these problems to solve? Can I look at that instead of being kind of at war with what my life is, or you know what I have to, is it just like, okay, well this is just the next thing I need to work on, you know? And so anyways, like I said.
It's not fully formed, but it is has been something that has been helping me. Like it's helped me get back to , yeah, well this is where we're at, and there's gonna be these really big feelings [00:20:00] of thinking like, what is the point of all this? What do I even wanna do with my life? What am I gonna do next?
, How am I unique? How am I making a significance? Whatever, whatever it is, because that's where my brain is at this point. And like I can direct it and I can find problems that I wanna solve, and I can point it on, like, how do I wanna be more helpful? How do I wanna be more impactful? How do I wanna give back?
How do I wanna make my community better? Or I can let it just run wild and, and go to this place of like hopelessness. And there's no point in any of this. And, and I tend to like, because I've done this work, have a better understanding of how to direct my brain. And so I just want you to be more aware of like, that's what your brain is doing.
And you can get an understanding of where you are on this hierarchy to understand like, yeah, those are the normal types of problems that my brain is gonna create now. . And so I hope this is helpful. If it's not, I apologize. I'll come back with more fully formed concepts on the next episode, but I figured that this, I think a lot of people are feeling a lot of these same thoughts as I talk to more people and I coach more people.
I think a lot of people have a lot of these same feelings. And they [00:21:00] don't know where to put 'em, or they don't know what to do with them, or they feel guilty for thinking 'em, or they think that they shouldn't or they should just be grateful. And I want you to know there's nothing wrong with you that like that is just the way that your brain is created.
And I think the more you understand, the better you can be at like guiding it so that it doesn't run off and take you into kind of deep, dark places. All right, my friends, , like I said. I will be back with new concepts hopefully next week. If you did like this, if you have any insight, if you wanna add onto this and help me form this into a, more well-rounded kind of concept, email me.
I would love to hear your thoughts on it, and I will talk to you soon.
[00:00:00] Hello my friends and welcome to another episode. I'm so excited you are here. How are you all doing? We're kind of nearing the end of 2025, which is wild to say. It's a lot been going on in the world and I'm sure in your lives. I've wanted to talk about this topic and it's not a fully formed concept in my mind yet, so I've hesitated talking about it 'cause I usually like to like form it, have it.
W have the examples of it in my own life and then bring it to you as like a concept that you can learn from. But this has been something that has been really important to me and I've been kind of working through, and I think it has helped me in certain ways deal with the season in life that I'm in, which has a lot of uncertainty in it.
And so I figured I would share it even if it's not fully formed. I think sometimes when I talk through it, it starts to form. More. So if this is your first episode, maybe check out another one because, um, it usually isn't like this, but I think for the people that have been [00:01:00] here for a while, um, I'm hoping that it will be helpful and I think it's something that we just need to discuss more.
And so I figured I would bring it to you today. Okay. One of the things I've been thinking a lot about is. Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I know that sounds random, but, and I'll explain why I've been thinking about it, and I, and I want to use it as a way to help you understand your brain better and to help you understand your life better and to help you maybe take off some of the dirty pain, the suffering that we put on ourselves that isn't necessary.
So if you've been around here, I use this concept of dirty pain a lot. The concept in psychology where there's clean pain of like, grieving things, sadness, like something happens, you're disappointed. And then a lot of us add on a lot of dirty pain, which is like guilt and shame and why am I like this?
I shouldn't feel like this. I should just be grateful and what's wrong with me and blah, blah, blah. All that other additional suffering that doesn't really deal with, like, let's say I had a breakup and I, of course I'm gonna feel sad. That's a very normal human [00:02:00] emotion. But then when I add onto it, like I knew I wasn't lovable.
I'll never find someone. Then I add on a lot of dirty pain. That's the concept. And I have been going through my own um, experiences of clean and dirty pain over the last couple of months as I sort of figure out what I wanna do with my life, what I wanna do next, and thinking about this concept that this hierarchy of needs has helped me.
And so I'm hoping that it helps you as well. Okay, so here's what I want you to understand or think about with your brain when it comes. Towards this. Now, if you don't know what Maslow's hierarchy of our need of needs are, let me explain it. Basically, the understanding, it's a psychological theory that humans are motivated by certain tiers of needs, and so until you have a certain that tier met, you can't really move on to.
Worry about the next tier, right? And so you start with something, you start at the bottom base, which is like your absolute base physiological needs. So food, air, right? Clean air, clean [00:03:00] water, clothing. Like if you don't have that, there's nothing else you need to worry about. And there's nothing else that you have time to worry about.
We all know that, right? It's like you have to get your base level of needs met first, then you can move on, and you then move on and worry about safety, right? And security. You worry about your employment or really like where your family lives and if you are in a safe place. So we all understand this, like if you are in an active war zone, you are not thinking about, you know, whether you're pursuing your passion in your life or whether you're fulfilled your life.
You don't have time to think about that. You're thinking about like, how do I get my family to be safe? And your, all of your brain's processing power is focused on that. Right? And as you move up on this hierarchy of needs. You start focusing on different things, okay? And so I'll just read off some of 'em so you understand how this triangle kind of goes.
Like we said, it starts with phys, phy, physiological needs, breathing, food, water, shelter, clothing. Then it goes to safety and security, health, [00:04:00] employment, right? Your property, family safety. Then it goes to love and belonging. So relationships, intimacy, friendships, family, sense of connection. Then it goes to self-esteem.
So your confidence, achievement, respect of others, the need to be unique. And then the last tier is self-actualization, right? And that's like. Your purpose, meaning in life, inner potential, morality, creativity, all of that stuff. And it's understandable, it's very understandable that like, yes, if I don't have these other needs met, it's hard for me to move on to this self-actualization.
And that's obviously the highest wrong. And like not everybody gets to have the ability to even worry about this. The other thing that I have been thinking about when I think about this is the fact that your brain is built. To solve problems, okay? That is really one of the only purposes is to look for problems and then solve them.
That is how it has kept you alive. So you're constantly scanning your environment as to like what is wrong, what needs to be fixed, and that is how your brain has kept you alive because for most of human history. [00:05:00] We were hunter-gatherers and you're constantly having to kind of scan for danger and that is, you know, your brain doesn't care if you're happy or you're fulfilled.
It cares if you live. And because of that, understanding these two things I think is actually really helpful in reducing your own suffering. When you understand that this is what your brain was meant to do, it's not meant to just be happy. It wasn't created to just like let you live in peace. And that's okay.
That's just the way that it functions. You can then funnel it a little bit better, focus it on the things that you want to problem solve. Okay? And what I mean by that is that when I stop realizing and when I stopped expecting that there's gonna be a time where I'm just gonna be. Kicking up my feet and everything is gonna be great, and I'm gonna feel great.
That just is not the way that my brain works. When I started realizing like, my brain's always gonna look for a problem, and so if my basic problems are met, if I know that where my paycheck is gonna come from, and my family is relatively safe, and we have food and we have clothing, and I have relationships, I'm married and I have my children, and I have my, you know, a pretty good [00:06:00] family.
And it's not to say that I don't have any problems within these things. My brain's gonna look for another problem. It's gonna look for something else to solve. And that's like the first thing that I can start directing it is like, what do I want it to solve? What is not actually a problem? What if, if I leave it unintended, um, I like to sometimes use the analogy of our brain as like a, a dog on a leash, right?
If the dog is pulling you and it's just pulling you in any direction and you have no say of where it goes, right? We all know how that might feel. And it, it can feel very, um, overwhelming and scary, and as if you are at the whims of this animal, which we, a lot of us do feel like that with our brain.
It's like we wake up and we don't even know where it's gonna take us, and we don't know what emotion is gonna hit us, and we're just bracing and hoping that we don't get hurt too much. Right. As opposed to having a dog on a leash that you are leading and you're like, no, no, no. I know you wanna go. Sniff this bush.
I know you wanna, we're not going over there. We're going over here. I think that one of the best things about thought work that I've learned about mindset work is that I have way more control to direct to my brain. So when I realized like [00:07:00] it is such a blessing in my life that I have a lot of these baseline needs of my hierarchy met, that my brain doesn't have to sit and figure out where are we gonna get food?
How are we gonna pay rent, right? How are we going to be safe right now? It has all that, so it's going to look for a different problem. And so I have to give it a different problem. Either that or it's gonna find it. Have you noticed? It's like for all of us, we just create a lot of drama in our lives.
Sometimes it's like, well, why didn't she text me back and why? You know, we'll create like maybe there's more gossip or there's family drama or we create like somebody you, we all know people that are like this, where it's like that's just, they can never be happy about something or they find something else to complain about.
It's this. Again, this dog that is pulling you on its leash, it's just finding another problem to try to solve. One of the reasons I actually love goals is because of this. So I've obviously talked, if you listen to my episode on the happy life of mediocrity, I obviously talk about loving where you're at, but, and I, and I try to limit people on how many goals they [00:08:00] choose, and I try to limit people so that we don't run away with this idea of always achieving more.
But I always say that I still love goals. I still love like pushing myself. I still love like, finding something to. I go on this journey of bettering myself and having more resilience. One of it is because I understand this about my brain. I'm like, if I don't give myself a goal, my brain is gonna come up with another problem to solve.
It's just gonna look for problems. It's gonna look for what's not right. It's gonna look for where we're lacking. It's gonna look for what isn't working, and then it's gonna try to fixate on that. 'cause it needs something to solve. And I would rather not spend my time like nitpicking at my children or at my husband and worrying about something that's not really an issue.
I would rather be like, all right, brain, I'm gonna lead you. We're gonna go over here. Our problem we're gonna solve this year is gonna be getting our health in order, or we're gonna solve, investing our money or whatever. I'm just gonna create this problem that I wanna solve, not because I need to get there to be happy, but truly because I just need to give you [00:09:00] something to do.
Okay. And so I think when you can understand that is like the first helpful thing to realize, like your brain needs a problem to solve. So like figure out what problem you want it to solve or it will find something. Okay. But the second thing is, is like really understanding this Maslow's hierarchy is that like you just basically are gonna move from worry to worry.
You're gonna move on to something else. Okay. And for me, one of the things that this has helped, what I mean by this is that. I am in this place. Luckily, I'm blessed enough where I'm sort of in the two, top tiers of the hierarchy. Now, it's not an exact, obviously science, like you probably go through a bunch of 'em, but I'm really in like the self-actualization of really thinking about like, what is my purpose?
What I want my passions to be, what do I want to like my legacy to be? What's the meaning of life? What is my inner potential? All of those kind of really kind of. Esoteric questions, philosophy, philosophical questions that we ask, and even like my need to be unique and significant and my own achievements and all that stuff.
So [00:10:00] that's where I'm at, which has a ton of privilege. It's like an unbelievably privileged place to be. I realized this, one of the reasons I started thinking about this was when I was in Iran in April for spring break. It was, it's not like, I don't know how, what is happening in Iran or how my family lives there, but it was fascinating for me when I was there to think about telling people I'm a coach.
'cause it's so ridiculous. Like it's so ridiculous to tell somebody who doesn't know what the price of meat is gonna be tomorrow. And like literally can't make long-term plans because you have no idea what the government's gonna do and you don't know if you have enough electricity and you don't have these very serious.
Issues that you have to deal with, like thinking about like, what do I want to do with the rest of my life is an absurd. Thing to say and it makes you feel silly. Now, obviously, I think even in those countries, even in places where you don't have some of the bottom needs met, you still get to think about a lot of this stuff and you still get to plan for the future and you [00:11:00] still get to have joy and you still get to, it's not to say this is an all or nothing thing, but I remember thinking like it would be really difficult to even explain what I do because it is.
Not really accessible to the life that they like. There's outside circumstances that impact what they can focus on. And I think for a lot of us, we are sort of seeing that now, maybe play out more in this country where a lot of us are realizing like maybe the safety that we did have is not there as much anymore.
Or, um, maybe the economy isn't going to always be good or maybe learn, you know. Meeting our even basic needs and paying groceries or whatnot, or keeping our employment, like when that becomes a problem, that is the only problem I have to solve at this point. Like I can no longer think about my purpose and passion and whatnot.
The other thing that got me thinking about this is somebody had made a TikTok, I'd seen somebody was talking about depression and talking about, and I'm not talking about like major mental illness, but they, this person was just talking about, kinda living in this world that is, it is [00:12:00] not meant for us.
And she was saying how like, she doesn't know how parents do it because she can't imagine like, it's so hard sometimes to get outta bed. And to just go through the day to day. Like how do you do it when you have, when there's someone's always relying on you. And one of the things that this has got me thinking about, again in my own situation, because I have felt like that too, that hopelessness or not wanting to get outta bed and not wanting to do anything and realizing that like.
It's a blessing in disguise that I have to, that I ha I don't have a choice. It's not my motivation, but my kids need to eat right. My kids need to get to school. My kids need these things that they need, and so whether I want to or not, it forces me to get out of bed. It forces me to meet other people's certain needs.
And before I can just like sit and like, well, what is the point of all this and why do we live in this world and all this other stuff that can consume me and create a lot of negative feelings. I started realizing like maybe it's a good thing that I have a lot of day-to-day things that I have to do.
Like maybe there's a real blessing in that, in that meeting of certain basic [00:13:00] needs in order to not let myself create bigger problems than I know how to deal with right now, or that that there is no answer to. And so I say the reason I think, again, I haven't fully formed this, but I think that it has been helpful to me is.
I don't mean to say this, to give you another reason to beat yourself up. So it's not to say like, oh, well you're so privileged. You only have to worry about self-actualization. Yes. I am so privileged that like that is usually the realm and where my brain is creating a lot of problems for me or worries.
That doesn't mean that like. I, I didn't have anything to do with that privilege. I am lucky to have it. I hope everybody at some point gets to their lives where they have the rest of their needs met, that they can worry about this. This is just what my situation is, but one of the things that it does in knowing this.
Is, it helps me understand like, oh, my brain is looking for a problem to solve. Now I don't have to beat myself up and be like, oh you're such an ungrateful human that the only thing you still have to worry about is like what your purpose is in life, right? [00:14:00] It doesn't have to go all there, but it can go to like, of course, like when I have nothing else really in my life that I have to kind of fight for right now.
That this is where my brain is gonna be like, oh my God. But what is the purpose and all, what are we gonna do next? And what if it's not good enough and this can't be it. And it creates this really big problem. And I have the perspective of realizing like, that's just what my brain is trying to find a problem.
And maybe it's not as big of a problem as I think it is, right? Maybe it's not as as. Um, it doesn't have to be as all and consuming as I. My brain thinks it is, right. So for a lot of people that I coach, I think that it does become really a, a consuming, like what is my one passion in life and what am I gonna do?
And you know, and I even, it's not to say I don't have these thoughts. But I realized like, I dunno, we're gonna solve that problem and then as soon as we do, we're gonna have another problem. Another one's gonna pop up. 'cause that's what my brain's gonna do and I can feel really grateful that like, I'm so glad that I have the time and space to even worry about [00:15:00] these self actualization issues.
And of course I, you know, it's gonna move to that like when you don't have to worry about money so much, or you don't have to worry about safety and security so much. You have the time and space, but you're just gonna have a new set of worries. And so I don't take it as seriously. I think like obviously I think I've done a lot of work on like passion and purpose and stuff, and so I don't believe in those like concepts as much, but I also think like I have this like belief, like of course my brain is going there.
Of course, I think this is a huge deal. Of course, I think I'm not doing enough within my life. Of course, I think that like I should have a bigger legacy because my brain is just finding something to try to solve. It is finding something and be like, but wait, what about this? But look at this. Is this an issue?
And I get to kind of bring it back and be like, yeah, we can work on that. We wanna feel more fulfilled. Like what would make me feel more fulfilled? Or I wanna feel more purposeful, or I wanna feel like I'm giving back. And those are good things to think about. 'cause I have the space and a lot of people don't have the space to think about that.
So I wanna be more helpful and I wanna be more in my community, but I don't have to make that this like all encompassing dirty [00:16:00] pain. Like, oh my God, what is life? It doesn't mean anything. And why do I feel like this? And I'm never gonna achieve my potential and all this other drama around it. I get to realize like, huh, this is sort of the level that we are at, that we're, we're gonna work on.
And I have to figure out what that goal is, what that problem is that I, that I wanna work on and I can understand and accept and like have the empathy of realizing like a lot of people don't even, can't even get there. And I think for a lot of us, the reason I wanted to bring this in is 'cause I think a lot of people, you might have to keep your job.
While you're figuring out what you wanna do, and we, we create a lot of dirty pain around that. We get, create a lot of dirty pain of like, ugh, I just wish I had more time and I wish I had more space and I wish I had more you know, security to not have to do this, to be able to figure it out. And I just wanna.
Offer perhaps a different look at it. And you don't have to accept this. I'm not saying that it's going to work for every one of you. And I'm not saying you shouldn't leave your job, but the same way I look at like how is it a blessing that like I have to get up [00:17:00] and take care of my kids even if I don't want to.
Even if like deep down in my bones I'm like, I just wanna rot in bed all day because I cannot bear to look at what's on the news or I cannot bear to like keep going. Like it is something that forces me. To not get lost in that noise, to not allow myself to wallow in that depression, to not allow myself to like get so overwhelmed by these big questions that I, it brings me back to the precedent of like, okay, well we just have to pack a lunch now, and for some of you that might be like my job, right?
It's that like, okay, in order for me to fulfill these bottom tiers, I have to keep this income, I have to have this job, and I have to pay these bills. And that's actually a really beautiful thing because it not only allows me to have sort of ascend on this hierarchy of needs, it allows me to have these other things covered, but it also like doesn't give me all of this extra time to sit and ruminate in these new problems that my brain creates, right?
So it keeps me more in the like, let's solve basic problems like paying our rent [00:18:00] and whatnot again. I, this isn't a black and white thing, so I'm not saying that like, you should be so grateful that you, I mean, you, you can be grateful that you have a paycheck. I, it's not to say, it's not to minimize that, like maybe your job really is to, toxic for lack of a better term or not a good work environment for you.
Those are all can be true. I just wanna like offer that perhaps when you look at it and you think about like, if I didn't have this and I didn't have, to. Be busy during the day. That does sound great for a couple of weeks. But what I have seen from a lot of people is that I was just listening to this other person online who had taken like a year off of her business, she had made like multiple millions of dollars and she took a year off.
And then I became two and she was going on this whole self-actualization journey and she like didn't wanna sell anymore. And she recently came back and she was saying that she was the most depressed in those two years. And she realized because it was like she had literally nothing to do all day and she had nothing to pour her kind of creativity in.
And she didn't have that [00:19:00] connection anymore and she didn't have a goal she was working towards, and so she got further and further into this like. What is the point of life type of situation? And she sort of lost herself in that, in those two years. And she's back now and she is creating another business just because like, she's like, I need to give my brain something to do.
And I think that when I, I see examples of that again, I can understand that it's easy to roll your eyes like, oh God, you got bored. So sad. You know? But I just think when you look at it from like a a brain perspective. From neuroscience, when you look at like, Hey, my brain needs something to solve and if I don't have anything for it to solve, it's just gonna create other problems.
It's just gonna create other issues for it to solve. Then , is there a blessing in having these problems to solve? Can I look at that instead of being kind of at war with what my life is, or you know what I have to, is it just like, okay, well this is just the next thing I need to work on, you know? And so anyways, like I said.
It's not fully formed, but it is has been something that has been helping me. Like it's helped me get back to , yeah, well this is where we're at, and there's gonna be these really big feelings [00:20:00] of thinking like, what is the point of all this? What do I even wanna do with my life? What am I gonna do next?
, How am I unique? How am I making a significance? Whatever, whatever it is, because that's where my brain is at this point. And like I can direct it and I can find problems that I wanna solve, and I can point it on, like, how do I wanna be more helpful? How do I wanna be more impactful? How do I wanna give back?
How do I wanna make my community better? Or I can let it just run wild and, and go to this place of like hopelessness. And there's no point in any of this. And, and I tend to like, because I've done this work, have a better understanding of how to direct my brain. And so I just want you to be more aware of like, that's what your brain is doing.
And you can get an understanding of where you are on this hierarchy to understand like, yeah, those are the normal types of problems that my brain is gonna create now. . And so I hope this is helpful. If it's not, I apologize. I'll come back with more fully formed concepts on the next episode, but I figured that this, I think a lot of people are feeling a lot of these same thoughts as I talk to more people and I coach more people.
I think a lot of people have a lot of these same feelings. And they [00:21:00] don't know where to put 'em, or they don't know what to do with them, or they feel guilty for thinking 'em, or they think that they shouldn't or they should just be grateful. And I want you to know there's nothing wrong with you that like that is just the way that your brain is created.
And I think the more you understand, the better you can be at like guiding it so that it doesn't run off and take you into kind of deep, dark places. All right, my friends, , like I said. I will be back with new concepts hopefully next week. If you did like this, if you have any insight, if you wanna add onto this and help me form this into a, more well-rounded kind of concept, email me.
I would love to hear your thoughts on it, and I will talk to you soon.
