In this week’s episode of Lessons from a Quitter, I wrap up our burnout series by tackling one of the most common struggles high-achievers face: how to actually feel joy again. A listener asked, “What if I’ve been so focused on achievement that I don’t even know how to experience joy outside of work?” We dig into how our culture conditions us to seek validation through productivity and how to rewire that programming. I share small, practical steps to reconnect with your body, rebuild curiosity, and rediscover what genuinely lights you up—so you can find joy in everyday life, not just achievement.
Ep. 379: How to Rewire Your Brain for Joy When You've Been Chasing Achievement
Ep. 379
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How to learn how to have joy
[00:00:00] I'm so excited you are here. How are we all doing? I just wrapped up a series on burnout. If you haven't been listening to the podcast, go back and listen to the last six episodes. I went through my Burnout Breakthrough Accelerator, which was a program I did inside of my membership, the Quitter Club, and it went through the six pillars that I think you need to sort of not master, but understand and practice and get better at if you're gonna get out of burnout.
And in order to like wrap up this series, I got a question from a listener. Thank you for sending this question in and I figured I would make another podcast episode about this question. 'cause I think it's so important. I'm so glad it was raised. So I'm gonna read the question and then we're gonna talk about how you're gonna do this thing.
Okay. So the question says, I. I understand that we should be investing more time and energy into rest and things that give us joy and happiness rather than work and other pursuits driven by our conditioned and artificial [00:01:00] need for external validation. That all makes sense to me, but to take it a step further, what if we've been so committed to achievement and productivity throughout our lives?
That we never learned how to experience joy outside of work and other pursuits related to achievement, impressing others, et cetera. In other words, how do we rewire our brains to find satisfaction in things other than work and achievement when we have been conditioned for so long to believe that satisfaction and happiness can only be found in work and achievement?
I love this question and I think that this is something that so many people. Deal with. So I'm really appreciative of this person for raising it because I think a lot of you likely have been thinking this thought like, yeah, great, I should have a life outside of work, or I should be finding joy, or I should be spending time doing the things that I love.
But I don't even know what I love. I don't even know what brings me joy. I don't even know how to kind of, uh, rest and have fun outside of the pursuit of these goals that I've [00:02:00] been doing for so long. And so I wanna talk about that on this episode. And it's, I think a good. Um, follow up to the last, uh, installment in the series on burnout.
Breakthrough was all about your joy, your bliss list, right? Creating your dream life and creating a b bliss list that you're gonna go to to find something that you can find joy in. Now, in that episode, I did give a little bit more of a breakdown of how to come up with that bliss list, and I think I did break it down to.
Show that it doesn't have to be really big things. It could be things like enjoying a cup of coffee or reading a book or waking up on a weekend without an alarm. It could be things we can start looking for little things that bring us little hits of joys. Joys joy little glimmers of joy in our lives, and we start building on that.
And so if you haven't listened to the last episode, I would recommend going there and starting there. But I really wanted to address this episode this question in its own episode, so I. First, I want you to understand that this is very normal. If you feel this way, it is because you [00:03:00] have been programmed.
I like that this person said like, how do we rewire our brain? Because your brain has been wired to seek out that level of external validation and to find real only satisfaction in productivity and achievement, and that's okay. It is what our society. Values. It is what we've been told is important.
And so for a lot of us, I want us to just understand sort of what has happened from when you were in school. You were taught that the most important thing is to get as close to perfect as possible, right on every test, on every project is to try to get a hundred, and that's when you get to feel good about yourself.
And if you don't do that, then you feel bad about yourself. Like there is no, oh, maybe your brain works in a different way, or maybe you have a different, viewpoint or your creativity comes out in new ways. No, it's like, well, you get an F because you didn't follow directions. You didn't do exactly what we told you.
And so the people that were able to follow those directions, it's like a double-edged sword. You were quote unquote successful, but then you [00:04:00] just kept building this pathway of like, if I just do exactly what they say and if I just get the closest to perfect and if I just, do what they tell me is important, even if I don't care about it, then.
I will quote unquote win. And so we start creating that connection in our brain that this is what feels good. I like winning. I like being padded on the head. I like thinking that I did a good job and so I'm gonna keep doing it and doing it and doing it. The other thing that's happening simultaneously for children.
As we kinda get socialized in our culture is that you learn to tamp down everything else, okay? You learn to ignore your biological needs. If you real, if you think about it, like when we start going to school, you eat at a certain time. It's not when you're hungry. It doesn't matter if you're starving.
Lunchtime is at this time, right? And you don't, you have to wait and ignore those hunger cues. Until it's time to eat. Same thing with, let's say gonna the bathroom, right? You don't get to just go anytime. You sort of have to learn how to hold it until you're ready to go. And this gets worse and [00:05:00] worse as we get older.
Like we just do this to ourselves. It's like, well, I'm in the middle, I'm in the flow. I'm working on a project. I can't go to the bathroom right now, so I will hold it for hours because it's not the time. And so we start learning that like even though our body is giving us these clues and it's like, Hey, excuse me, I need this.
This is what I need right now. I'm tired. I need to sleep. You know, I'm hungry, I need to eat. I'm thirsty. I need water. We just learn like that's not an important cue for me to listen to. What's important is that I gotta get this done, I gotta get this deadline, I gotta get that validation. And so we start losing the ability to hear those cues like a lot of times.
Have you noticed people will say like, I forgot to eat. That doesn't naturally sort of happen, your body when you've lost that connection to your body, which so many of us have. We go into these plays, we're like, I don't even realize when was the last time I ate, or I didn't even realize that I was so tired until I came home and I sat down.
It's because I'm just so [00:06:00] disconnected with what I want. It's the same thing with joy, to be honest. What happens is that we are all. Creative, curious beings by nature, human nature makes us curious. We're one of the only mammals where our brains don't stop developing. Most, a lot of other animals after like puberty, after adolescence, your, the brain doesn't really change.
Ours isn't like that. It is created for growth constantly, and we want that and we crave it. A lot of us come in this world. I mean, everybody comes in this world very curious, wanting to know things, wanting to learn things, wanting to understand things. And we're very good at knowing what feels good and what brings joy and what we're curious about.
And for each person, it's gonna be very different. If you have children, you realize this very early on. Some kids are just interested in bugs and worms and snakes, and they wanna be outside and they wanna dig in the dirt. And some kids have zero interest in that whatsoever. And they wanna play with dolls and they [00:07:00] wanna have tea parties and they wanna dress up and they wanna paint their nails.
And they have all of these, like they're very drawn to very glittery, beautiful things. They're curious about that and some kids are really curious about cars and dump trucks and really loud things and whether they wanna understand how this machine works and other kids could care less. And when you have children, especially if you have multiple children, you notice this from a very early age.
We're talking babies of like what certain babies are into Other babies could not care less. Just do not bring that toy by me. I don't like it. Another kid loves it, right? We all have this like inherent desire in us that drives us. Allows us to be curious about things, to to find joy in things, to find certain things funny, to find other things not funny.
What happens over time is that we tamp it down just like we tamp down everything else. We learn very quickly on that, like, we don't care about your curiosity. We don't care what you're curious about. You have to. Study these [00:08:00] subjects. We don't care that you're naturally like wired to care about how things work and you wanna break things down and you wanna put it back together.
That's not the assignment. The assignment is to read this book and write a book report. Right? And so for a lot of us, we just learn very quickly that like, you know, at some point in childhood that. Our curiosities are just kind of hindrances at this point. I don't have the time for it. I have to get my grades up.
I have to study for this test, I have to do this project. I don't have time to think about what makes me feel good. And so we start, you know, in kind of, I dunno, at what point in childhood, going into tween years, going into teenage years, like there's a gradual suppression of those curiosities that joy.
The things that you love because we have to, you know, get ready for the real world. And you hear this, it's like, well be realistic. We don't have time. You don't have time to play with cards anymore. You have to do X, Y, and Z. And then that becomes worse and worse. And you guys know this as you get, [00:09:00] become an adult, it's like, well that was fine when you were a child, but you don't have time to just tinker with, you know, your car in the garage all the time, or you don't have time to go to dance class, or you don't have time to whatever.
Fill in the blank. Because you're an adult now and you have to get a job, and we all become so burdened and exhausted that there just really is no time, and you sort of lose, well, what you think you lose is that sense of wonder and that sense of curiosity and that sense of wanting to do things just to do them just because you're curious about it, not because it leads anywhere, and it becomes very hyper-focused on how do I get to the next thing?
I only focus on things that are gonna move me forward. I only move. Focus on things that are productive, that accomplish something that get to a goal. And then we become very goal oriented, focused people. And it's not to say that that is good or bad. It is the reason why a lot of you who are listening to this are very successful.
You played the game, you won, [00:10:00] congratulations, and you got there and you're like, I don't really know that I won all that much. Because now I'm doing a bunch of stuff I don't wanna do and I, my whole self worth and my whole self concept is tied to doing these things and getting that pat on the back and thinking I'm doing a good job and it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would feel.
I'm like, yeah, the pat on the back is great for that instant, for that second, and then I have to do the next thing and the next thing and the next thing in order to feel better about myself. And so what has to happen, and this isn't just burnout like this, is if you wanna enjoy your life, this is, as you kind of come out of the fog that a lot of us are under for a lot of our twenties, maybe into our thirties, where you are on the grind, you're on this hustle train, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, you're.
Getting the degrees, you're racking up the accomplishments, you're climbing that corporate ladder, you're getting the promotions, and at some point you sort of start like the veil starts lifting. Like you start really questioning like, [00:11:00] can this be it? Is this it? What am I doing all this for? What is the prize at the end of this?
Because I, I've gotten the prize, I've gotten the degree, I got the job that pays more than I thought I would ever make. I bought the house, I got married, I had the kids, and it's fine. There's a lot of really great things about it and a lot of things that aren't so great and I don't feel happy all the time and I don't feel like I'm not, you know, like that I have the world.
It's like the thing that I was promised or what I thought, like if I just put my head down and I do this, then I will get somewhere and I will be happy. Part of what has happened is understanding like that doesn't happen. So I only have right here, right now, and now I sort of don't have this ability of like figuring out what I even want to do for joy because I've been so blinders on focused on like achieve, achieve, achieve, get the goal, get the goal, and I get to feel good for that split second.
So then I just have another achievement, another achievement. There's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with the situation. Like I said, it's a good skill to have. It's the reason you're [00:12:00] successful, and no one's saying that we need to completely get rid of it. It's just that it has become overblown.
It is taking up too much of your brain space, and it is commandeered the other part of your brain that does. Just get curious about things that does just wanna create to create, not because it needs to go somewhere or that it needs to lead something, and you just have to get back in touch with that part.
Okay? And this is the thing, I actually think this is one of the most important things that you can do, not even for joy, which is a huge part of it. Like why wouldn't you just want to have more joy in your life? Really, this is the same assignment I give to people when they don't know what they wanna do with their life.
Part of getting back in touch with this is getting back in touch with yourself is understanding who am I and what makes me tick and what makes me happy when I'm not doing what everybody else tells me to do when I'm not doing what I'm quote unquote supposed to do when I'm not playing this ridiculous game that doesn't really have a prize at [00:13:00] the end of it.
And so. This is something that is, you don't have to do. It's not an all or nothing thing. You don't have to like need tons of hours to do this. It's actually pretty straightforward and it is. The key to not just finding more joy and happiness, but really like learning to listen to your own inner voice.
Learning to hear what is it that I actually want? When you're thinking about a career change, when you're thinking about big life decisions, it's really important to have a connection back with your body and have a connection back with that inner voice that knows, you know, you can call it intuition, you can call it your gut feeling.
You can call it whatever you want. But we've all heard it. We all know there's like this inner pull that is guiding us, that tells us what is good for us and what is not. And that kind of takes in a lot more information than our conscious mind can understand. And for so long we've just been disconnected with that voice.
It's still there. That's the good news. It's still there. You just have to basically unbury it, right? You have to, you've had it tamped down for so long, and you have to learn to start listening to that voice again. So [00:14:00] I'm gonna give you a couple of small exercises that I want you to start doing in order to increase that voice, the, the volume of that voice so you can hear it better.
Okay? The first thing is to get more connected with your own biological needs. It sounds so simple. But it's truly something that you have to learn. You have to relearn. I want you to really start listening to your cues of like when you're hungry and when you have to go to the bathroom. Like the bathroom is probably the easiest one, especially for women.
I think women who are mothers have tended to neglect this. Need for so long because you just don't have the time and you, it sounds weird, but I promise you it will start opening up your hearing to other things within you as well. So it's just one of the more obvious ones where it's like, when you need to go to the bathroom, can you start listening to that sooner and giving, taking a break, even if you're in the middle of something, can you start prioritizing?
My body needs something. And yeah, sure. I [00:15:00] can tamp it down. I can tell myself like, Hey, let's wait 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Let's just get this done. But I don't want to anymore. I want to learn like when my bladder's full or when I am hungry, even if it's at 10:00 AM and I'm not supposed to eat lunch till 12, I wanna start being like, no, but my body is telling me it is hungry right now.
And so I, being the steward of this body can decide i'm going to feed it. My body needs food, my body needs to go to the bathroom. My body needs rest. I need to lay down for a little bit, whatever it might be. When you start doing that one, I think that the rest comes easier. Once you've learned how that like, Hey, my body is actually giving, sending me signals that I've just ignored forever, and you start becoming more attached to your body and you start becoming more in your body instead of detaching just in your head like so many of us are just right up here in the head, nothing below it.
Don't even feel, I don't even know what my feelings are. And so we wanna just start creating that connection again so that I can hear it, so I can hear that voice. Okay. [00:16:00] That's one. It's a really simple thing to do. Just start this week and try to listen like huh? Or even notice even after the fact, like when you do go to the bathroom, think about how long have I been waiting to go?
Like when did I first start feeling this need to go? Was it an hour ago? Was it two hours ago? Was it five hours ago? For some people, that's what it is. It's like I've been waiting five hours to go to the bathroom, and you wanna just start becoming aware of that because you start seeing how absurd it is.
The second thing is, again, it's gonna sound simple, but it's not easy. I want you to not really even think about joy. 'cause joy sometimes is a step too far for us to get to. 'cause we don't even really know what brings us joy anymore. I want you to just get back to being curious. I want you to think about what things you are curious about.
What things interest you, what things is like, hmm. I would like to try that, or I would like to learn more about that. One way that you can maybe answer this question is like, if you are gonna go into a bookstore and you can actually do this, go to a bookstore. What section [00:17:00] do you naturally gravitate to?
Do you want to pick up books from? Do you want to learn more about One of the things that I think. We lie to the most about ourselves is that like we either outgrow our curiosities, like we're not curious anymore, or that we're not creative. I used to say this all the time, like I don't have a creative bone in my body.
It was such a lie. If you are alive, you are creative, you are born to create. That is how human beings are Now, how you define creativity. Is very telling. So if it's only like you're, you have to be really good at art in order to be creative, then yeah, most of us don't fit that bill. Most of us are not artists in the way that we traditionally think about it.
Most of us are not painting or sketching or, you know, doing ceramics or whatnot. But that is such a limited view of creativity. And when you start realizing maybe your creativity comes out in again, like you like to tinker with things and build. Robots out of stuff or Legos. You like Legos or [00:18:00] maybe you like to make really beautiful tablescapes and you really like to set, have dinner parties and make things really beautiful and make desserts really beautiful.
Maybe you like to make really elaborate meals or, um, it could be whatever. It could be anything. And you, the more you start tuning into like where you have this curiosity where you tend to wanna talk about or learn about or you know, what shows do you watch? Do you watch. Cooking shows. Do you watch HGTV about how people design their homes?
Do you watch History Channel and you're really curious about certain thing wars or whatnot? All of it has a level of curiosity and a level of creativity to it, and you, so you wanna just start tapping into like, what am I curious about? And you have to start letting yourself follow that curiosity in very small.
Doses. It does not mean that you need to pick up a new hobby and you need to go buy everything for that hobby, and you need to start like. Going down, you know, a lot of us have a very, again, when we're goal oriented, it is [00:19:00] like this all or nothing. Like, okay, well I guess I'm picking this thing and I'm gonna go all in on it.
No, no, no. We wanna get outta that mentality. We are sort of in this mentality of like dabbling. I wanna just dabble, I wanna put, I would just wanna dip my toe in and see what it's like here. And then I wanna dip my toe in here and see what it's like here. And I wanna look at this and see what people do here and I wanna learn more about that.
And I wanna see what people do there. And you just give yourself a little bit of time to get curious again. Honestly, it could be about anything. How do people make candles? How does the internet work? We all have tons of questions, right? And so you wanna start like giving yourself some time to follow those questions a little bit.
That might be some internet research. It could be as easy as like what this is, instead of it could scrolling. I'm gonna watch some YouTube videos about. Sewing. I don't know. Something that has, I've always been really curious about like, how do people make jeans? How do the, how's that fabric made?
Or how do I build, how do people build cars from nothing? I've never understood that. I really wanna know, like, what, what are [00:20:00] the, what's that process like? Maybe it just starts there. Okay. Maybe it's picking up books, walking, watching documentaries. It can be something that's very, a small step, but it's sort of, again, listening to that voice like, what is this thing I'm interested in?
Not even because and better, the best way of doing this is like, it doesn't have to lead somewhere. It's not gonna lead to some kind of side hustle. You're not gonna monetize it. It's not gonna be something that's gonna be become your career. It's just that I'm just interested in it because I think it's fun because maybe it, it's just weird.
I don't know how people do it. It blows my mind. I wanna learn more, more about space, let's say. 'cause it's just cool. It. It doesn't matter the reason why. It's just like I have this curiosity about this thing and you're gonna start learning a little bit more about it, and maybe that ends. Maybe you're like, okay, I learned enough.
I don't actually care. Great. Then I go on to the next thing and I pick something else that I'm curious about. And part of this, again, just like the whole body urges is coming back to your own voice. The more you do this, the more you start realizing like, huh, I actually [00:21:00] am really curious about these types of things.
Like I promise you there will be through lines, there will be patterns that you will see. Like I'm really curious about how things work. I have this like engineering mind and I like. Knowing how all the components come together to make a bigger whole, great. I'm really curious about how people make things beautiful.
Like I really love to watch how people, create, make a cake and make it into this beautiful masterpiece. I really love seeing beauty in the world. It inspires me. I really realize that, you know, my through line is I like to see. I like to see human endurance and how people can push themselves, and I really love knowing about the body and how we kind of overcome the things that we think is possible.
I just wanna know more about it. It doesn't mean that I wanna go out and run a hundred mile marathon. I just like learning about it. And I think that the more you tap into that curiosity. What's amazing is you start finding more joy in little things, not in like this big, it may not be an overarching like flood of joy that you might get when you maybe get a promotion or you get something when, and [00:22:00] we're, we're used to these sort of big dopamine hits, this kind of windfall, like, I'm working towards something and I'm, and I wanna feel like I crossed that finish line.
And part of what you're doing is like. What's the word? I'm not desensitizing, like just recalibrating yourself to small amounts of joy that like, it doesn't have to be this, oh my God, this is the best feeling. This is the coolest, this is the funnest thing I've ever done. This is the most joyous I'm ever gonna be.
No, it's like, can I just find a little bit of joy? Can I see like, hey, I actually really enjoyed the process of this. Or just, even if it's not joy, maybe it's more calm. Like for me, I recently started, I've talked about this before, like I started doing embroidery and I started doing like paint by numbers.
Paint by numbers is not something that I'm like, oh, it's a, I mean, I guess it is a creative endeavor, not I, it's you literally follow the numbers, but it's like a type of meditation for me, I realize like I actually really enjoy meditating. In a way where my hands [00:23:00] are active and my brain is focused, right?
That's like the only time where I can really like, calm my brain to not think about anything else. And I spend 20, 30 minutes, an hour just focusing on this one thing. And so that's why a lot of people do like these coloring, adult coloring books. It's the same sort of thing. It puts you in a little bit of like a trans like state where you're like, in this automatic mode.
I find a lot of peace from that. There's a very like, peaceful joy in that. It's not that, it's like, i'm jumping for joy and it's the funnest thing I've ever done, but it really helps me bring some peace into my life. And so, but I've learned that kind of doing a bunch of different things.
And it's so funny because like even when you look at crafts, so I've been doing this a lot and I will tell you, I was someone when I left the law, I said that I didn't have a creative joy bone in my body, and I really didn't think there was anything that brought me joy. I didn't really like hobbies.
I didn't have hobbies. I thought a lot of stuff was just like more work. It's like, oh God, you want me to knit this whole blanket? I don't have time for this. You know? And I, I looked at everything as like, this is such a [00:24:00] chore, which was so telling at the time, over the years, having allowed myself like, Hey, you don't have to do the whole blanket.
Like, just even see if you like knitting. See if you like the, the process of it. Is it, too much? Is it too little? Is it, what part of it do you like? What's interesting is there's tons of like crafts and I've, I've tried 'em all at this point, and there's ones I can't even explain to you. I'll do it.
And it's like, I love this so much, and there's other ones that you are very similar and you're like, oh, I would love this. And I try it. I'm like, I hate it. Can't stand it too hard. Makes me think too much. It's too frustrating. I don't want it. But it only happens because I allow myself to try things.
I just let myself be like, huh. This was kind of fun. What about this? And then I try it and I'm like, nah, not for me. I also don't have any type of expectation. So like embroidery as a great example. I bought a bunch of stuff for it. I was heavily into it for three months and then I've just kind of put it away and I haven't touched it for about six months.
And I don't care. I don't guilt myself for it. [00:25:00] I don't make myself feel like bad about it. I don't think that I gave up on it. I, 'cause it wasn't supposed to be any type of end goal. It was simply the process of like, this is. Interesting to me right now. I find this curious. I wanna know why people do this.
I wanna know what people create. I liked looking up tiktoks of how people embroider different really amazing things, and then I got over it and I know as the weather gets colder, I'll probably pick it up. It's something that I actually do enjoy doing. Maybe I'll pick it up this month. Maybe it'll be in three months.
Maybe it'll be next year. Who cares? There doesn't, when you stop, when you have to start like reorienting yourself to like not having an end goal and having just the process of learning, the process of discovering the process of doing is the joy in it in little bits, you start gaining back that ability to find that joy.
This is what I mean when I say like, do it in, in small amounts of where your cure is at. Is when you start hearing that, like when you start following that curiosity, that voice becomes louder. That's like, no, we actually like this. Remember when we were a kid, we liked doing that. We actually think this is [00:26:00] really cool you, and it's fascinating when you start doing this work where like I used to think, like I said, I wasn't really curious about anything, but when you, I started and I would make a list.
Every day I would come up with more stuff and I was like, oh, actually I also would love to learn how to do this. I also would love to try this. I would love to take a class on this. I would love to like go to this, visit this place once, you know, and I would start creating like a list and it would add more and more to it.
Of course, when I first sat down and thought about it, I could think of like one or two things, but now it's like a laundry list of so many things I would love to try if I am not stuck in. Well, it doesn't go anywhere. Well, I'm not gonna do anything with this. Well, I can't make money off of this. Well, it takes a lot of time.
Once I started realizing like, yeah, it does take time, but it also brings me so much joy and it brings me peace and it calms me down and it gets me more acquainted with myself and it gives me some time to recharge. It stopped needing to become some kind of end goal. I didn't need to have some kind of result.
Now I am a very goal oriented person, so that doesn't mean that I don't have results. [00:27:00] Oriented goals I do. It's just not all I have, right? So I still might have my business and I still may wanna grow my business and scale it and have certain things, and then I also have my embroidery, or I have paint by numbers.
That doesn't really go anywhere. I don't show anybody that's not for anybody else but me. I might also dance, go to a dance class, just because I have fun doing it because my body wants that. And so it's not this. Either or. It's not to say that it's bad that you have, you know, ambition or goals or wanting to get external validation.
It is what it is. Some of us are wired that way. I still always, I want all the external validation. I love it. It, but I've also learned that I can also find joy and maybe it's a different type of joy from small things. And so I want you to just start small, even when you don't think it will bring you joy, even if it might not bring you joy like you, it won't until you try it.
You might be like, you know what? I wanna take a ceramics class, and then you're gonna go to a ceramics class and you're like, I actually didn't like that at all. That was a lot of work. I don't have the energy for that. Great. [00:28:00] Now, you know, cross that off the list. You start becoming a person that is curious about yourself.
You start becoming a person that is curious about the world. You start becoming more interesting. I promise you. People care more about that than they do about your job. You start trying different things. You meet new people through that. You develop joy. Joy is not something that's like discoverable, that's like under a rock.
This is what I feel about like passions too. I think a lot of people think that they either have a passion or they don't. Your passion is developed and it's developed slowly. It's like. Okay, I wanna try this thing, and I do it, and I love it. And I wanna try it again. And then I wanna try it in different ways.
And then I try it and I show someone else, and then I wanna do it for a friend. And I slowly start realizing like, I actually really have a passion for this. I really have a passion for hosting parties or making beautiful dessert tables or knitting scarves or building computers or, I don't know, whatever.
And it has, does not ever have to become a job. So what I want you to do is start small. I want you to just [00:29:00] find one thing you are curious about and allow yourself to follow it for a little bit. Just watch a documentary on it and then find something else. Better yet, find some pockets of time. That can be your like curiosity time.
Okay? Find one hour a week, find. Two hours a week if you have it, find 30 minutes at the end of the night. It doesn't matter. Find a Saturday morning and schedule it and be like, this is the time where I'm gonna just look at something I'm curious about, or I'm gonna start some kind of project, or I'm gonna try a craft, or I'm gonna.
Go for a walk or whatever, you know, and I'm gonna look at the stars or I'm gonna look at the leaves or whatever it is that I like. You get the point. Start there. I promise you it will grow. It's something that has to be nurtured, and I think it's just something that, like, the more you tap into that voice, the louder that voice gets and it's there for all of you.
I have zero doubt that there is not one person on this earth that does not have things that they're a curious about, or B, that, they're creative in, you [00:30:00] just have been told that it's a waste of time or you don't have the time for it, or you have to be serious or it's, you know, whatever. All these other, this is bullshit.
And that is really the things that make life fun. It's the things that make life a. In, joyful and interesting. And so you just have to like build that muscle of listening to that voice and so well, you can do it slowly. You don't, and just temper your expectations. Don't think that you're gonna go and you're gonna, you know, buy an embroidery kit and it's gonna be the funnest time of your life.
You're gonna be just overwhelmed with joy. It doesn't work like that. It's just gonna be like, okay, I tried something new. And it, it was cool. It was kind of cool. I'll try it again. Over time as we talk about, like as your passion kind of grows forward, as you're like, you realize that you do like it, you start finding more joy in it, you start looking forward to it.
You start realizing how calm you are during it, you start realizing that like it's the perfect thing to do while you're watching tv, whatever it might be for you. And that's when you start building like, Hey, I actually [00:31:00] really enjoy this. It's not that. It's like I do it once and I'm like, this was like going to a rave and I'm I don't know, overwhelmed with these incredible feelings.
That's not what it's like. It's like, huh, maybe I'm a little curious about this. That was kind of cool. I like that documentary. I like learning more about this. And then you build on that and you build on that, and you build on that. So that is my very long-winded way of saying. Start listening to your body.
Start following those cues and give yourself some time to do little things that you are curious about, and I promise you it won't lead you astray. The last thing I'll say on this, if you find no other benefit in doing this, okay, if you find no other benefit, like you don't actually find that it's gonna give you joy or peace, or it's gonna, I want you to understand that this is how you learn how to get into flow. When people talk about like getting into flow and stuff, a lot of what happens when you find something that you're really into that you find something that you're curious about is [00:32:00] when you get into things where you're like, I lose track of time.
I could do this for like five hours. That is something, again, that is developed and that once you practice at something that you do enjoy, you start getting into these, s states where time seems to fly by and it's a really incredible feeling. And what's interesting is when you can learn how to tap into that, you can start doing it in other times too.
You can start kind of figuring out what you need in order to get into the state of like hyper fixation and really into what you're doing and kind of drowning out the world and being in this place where your mind is kind of like on autopilot, but doing something that it loves. And so that is a built skill.
And that happens through just like finding things that you're curious about and getting really like, good at listening to that voice and following that. And it will take you to so many places that you can't even begin to understand right now. You will go down rabbit holes that you never even thought you would love, and you will learn things that you never even thought would be a part of your life.
And it will open your life to so many other worlds [00:33:00] and people and communities, and it will bring so much more richness and it will make you so much more interesting than just the job that you have. So start small. It doesn't have to, you don't have to get there today. Tomorrow or this year, you can allow this to be something that you're just doing year over year and it is growing.
But I promise you that you will not regret spending time curating and going deeper into things that you are curious about. It will only improve your life, I promise. So start there. I hope that's helpful and I'll be back next week with another episode.
[00:00:00] I'm so excited you are here. How are we all doing? I just wrapped up a series on burnout. If you haven't been listening to the podcast, go back and listen to the last six episodes. I went through my Burnout Breakthrough Accelerator, which was a program I did inside of my membership, the Quitter Club, and it went through the six pillars that I think you need to sort of not master, but understand and practice and get better at if you're gonna get out of burnout.
And in order to like wrap up this series, I got a question from a listener. Thank you for sending this question in and I figured I would make another podcast episode about this question. 'cause I think it's so important. I'm so glad it was raised. So I'm gonna read the question and then we're gonna talk about how you're gonna do this thing.
Okay. So the question says, I. I understand that we should be investing more time and energy into rest and things that give us joy and happiness rather than work and other pursuits driven by our conditioned and artificial [00:01:00] need for external validation. That all makes sense to me, but to take it a step further, what if we've been so committed to achievement and productivity throughout our lives?
That we never learned how to experience joy outside of work and other pursuits related to achievement, impressing others, et cetera. In other words, how do we rewire our brains to find satisfaction in things other than work and achievement when we have been conditioned for so long to believe that satisfaction and happiness can only be found in work and achievement?
I love this question and I think that this is something that so many people. Deal with. So I'm really appreciative of this person for raising it because I think a lot of you likely have been thinking this thought like, yeah, great, I should have a life outside of work, or I should be finding joy, or I should be spending time doing the things that I love.
But I don't even know what I love. I don't even know what brings me joy. I don't even know how to kind of, uh, rest and have fun outside of the pursuit of these goals that I've [00:02:00] been doing for so long. And so I wanna talk about that on this episode. And it's, I think a good. Um, follow up to the last, uh, installment in the series on burnout.
Breakthrough was all about your joy, your bliss list, right? Creating your dream life and creating a b bliss list that you're gonna go to to find something that you can find joy in. Now, in that episode, I did give a little bit more of a breakdown of how to come up with that bliss list, and I think I did break it down to.
Show that it doesn't have to be really big things. It could be things like enjoying a cup of coffee or reading a book or waking up on a weekend without an alarm. It could be things we can start looking for little things that bring us little hits of joys. Joys joy little glimmers of joy in our lives, and we start building on that.
And so if you haven't listened to the last episode, I would recommend going there and starting there. But I really wanted to address this episode this question in its own episode, so I. First, I want you to understand that this is very normal. If you feel this way, it is because you [00:03:00] have been programmed.
I like that this person said like, how do we rewire our brain? Because your brain has been wired to seek out that level of external validation and to find real only satisfaction in productivity and achievement, and that's okay. It is what our society. Values. It is what we've been told is important.
And so for a lot of us, I want us to just understand sort of what has happened from when you were in school. You were taught that the most important thing is to get as close to perfect as possible, right on every test, on every project is to try to get a hundred, and that's when you get to feel good about yourself.
And if you don't do that, then you feel bad about yourself. Like there is no, oh, maybe your brain works in a different way, or maybe you have a different, viewpoint or your creativity comes out in new ways. No, it's like, well, you get an F because you didn't follow directions. You didn't do exactly what we told you.
And so the people that were able to follow those directions, it's like a double-edged sword. You were quote unquote successful, but then you [00:04:00] just kept building this pathway of like, if I just do exactly what they say and if I just get the closest to perfect and if I just, do what they tell me is important, even if I don't care about it, then.
I will quote unquote win. And so we start creating that connection in our brain that this is what feels good. I like winning. I like being padded on the head. I like thinking that I did a good job and so I'm gonna keep doing it and doing it and doing it. The other thing that's happening simultaneously for children.
As we kinda get socialized in our culture is that you learn to tamp down everything else, okay? You learn to ignore your biological needs. If you real, if you think about it, like when we start going to school, you eat at a certain time. It's not when you're hungry. It doesn't matter if you're starving.
Lunchtime is at this time, right? And you don't, you have to wait and ignore those hunger cues. Until it's time to eat. Same thing with, let's say gonna the bathroom, right? You don't get to just go anytime. You sort of have to learn how to hold it until you're ready to go. And this gets worse and [00:05:00] worse as we get older.
Like we just do this to ourselves. It's like, well, I'm in the middle, I'm in the flow. I'm working on a project. I can't go to the bathroom right now, so I will hold it for hours because it's not the time. And so we start learning that like even though our body is giving us these clues and it's like, Hey, excuse me, I need this.
This is what I need right now. I'm tired. I need to sleep. You know, I'm hungry, I need to eat. I'm thirsty. I need water. We just learn like that's not an important cue for me to listen to. What's important is that I gotta get this done, I gotta get this deadline, I gotta get that validation. And so we start losing the ability to hear those cues like a lot of times.
Have you noticed people will say like, I forgot to eat. That doesn't naturally sort of happen, your body when you've lost that connection to your body, which so many of us have. We go into these plays, we're like, I don't even realize when was the last time I ate, or I didn't even realize that I was so tired until I came home and I sat down.
It's because I'm just so [00:06:00] disconnected with what I want. It's the same thing with joy, to be honest. What happens is that we are all. Creative, curious beings by nature, human nature makes us curious. We're one of the only mammals where our brains don't stop developing. Most, a lot of other animals after like puberty, after adolescence, your, the brain doesn't really change.
Ours isn't like that. It is created for growth constantly, and we want that and we crave it. A lot of us come in this world. I mean, everybody comes in this world very curious, wanting to know things, wanting to learn things, wanting to understand things. And we're very good at knowing what feels good and what brings joy and what we're curious about.
And for each person, it's gonna be very different. If you have children, you realize this very early on. Some kids are just interested in bugs and worms and snakes, and they wanna be outside and they wanna dig in the dirt. And some kids have zero interest in that whatsoever. And they wanna play with dolls and they [00:07:00] wanna have tea parties and they wanna dress up and they wanna paint their nails.
And they have all of these, like they're very drawn to very glittery, beautiful things. They're curious about that and some kids are really curious about cars and dump trucks and really loud things and whether they wanna understand how this machine works and other kids could care less. And when you have children, especially if you have multiple children, you notice this from a very early age.
We're talking babies of like what certain babies are into Other babies could not care less. Just do not bring that toy by me. I don't like it. Another kid loves it, right? We all have this like inherent desire in us that drives us. Allows us to be curious about things, to to find joy in things, to find certain things funny, to find other things not funny.
What happens over time is that we tamp it down just like we tamp down everything else. We learn very quickly on that, like, we don't care about your curiosity. We don't care what you're curious about. You have to. Study these [00:08:00] subjects. We don't care that you're naturally like wired to care about how things work and you wanna break things down and you wanna put it back together.
That's not the assignment. The assignment is to read this book and write a book report. Right? And so for a lot of us, we just learn very quickly that like, you know, at some point in childhood that. Our curiosities are just kind of hindrances at this point. I don't have the time for it. I have to get my grades up.
I have to study for this test, I have to do this project. I don't have time to think about what makes me feel good. And so we start, you know, in kind of, I dunno, at what point in childhood, going into tween years, going into teenage years, like there's a gradual suppression of those curiosities that joy.
The things that you love because we have to, you know, get ready for the real world. And you hear this, it's like, well be realistic. We don't have time. You don't have time to play with cards anymore. You have to do X, Y, and Z. And then that becomes worse and worse. And you guys know this as you get, [00:09:00] become an adult, it's like, well that was fine when you were a child, but you don't have time to just tinker with, you know, your car in the garage all the time, or you don't have time to go to dance class, or you don't have time to whatever.
Fill in the blank. Because you're an adult now and you have to get a job, and we all become so burdened and exhausted that there just really is no time, and you sort of lose, well, what you think you lose is that sense of wonder and that sense of curiosity and that sense of wanting to do things just to do them just because you're curious about it, not because it leads anywhere, and it becomes very hyper-focused on how do I get to the next thing?
I only focus on things that are gonna move me forward. I only move. Focus on things that are productive, that accomplish something that get to a goal. And then we become very goal oriented, focused people. And it's not to say that that is good or bad. It is the reason why a lot of you who are listening to this are very successful.
You played the game, you won, [00:10:00] congratulations, and you got there and you're like, I don't really know that I won all that much. Because now I'm doing a bunch of stuff I don't wanna do and I, my whole self worth and my whole self concept is tied to doing these things and getting that pat on the back and thinking I'm doing a good job and it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would feel.
I'm like, yeah, the pat on the back is great for that instant, for that second, and then I have to do the next thing and the next thing and the next thing in order to feel better about myself. And so what has to happen, and this isn't just burnout like this, is if you wanna enjoy your life, this is, as you kind of come out of the fog that a lot of us are under for a lot of our twenties, maybe into our thirties, where you are on the grind, you're on this hustle train, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, you're.
Getting the degrees, you're racking up the accomplishments, you're climbing that corporate ladder, you're getting the promotions, and at some point you sort of start like the veil starts lifting. Like you start really questioning like, [00:11:00] can this be it? Is this it? What am I doing all this for? What is the prize at the end of this?
Because I, I've gotten the prize, I've gotten the degree, I got the job that pays more than I thought I would ever make. I bought the house, I got married, I had the kids, and it's fine. There's a lot of really great things about it and a lot of things that aren't so great and I don't feel happy all the time and I don't feel like I'm not, you know, like that I have the world.
It's like the thing that I was promised or what I thought, like if I just put my head down and I do this, then I will get somewhere and I will be happy. Part of what has happened is understanding like that doesn't happen. So I only have right here, right now, and now I sort of don't have this ability of like figuring out what I even want to do for joy because I've been so blinders on focused on like achieve, achieve, achieve, get the goal, get the goal, and I get to feel good for that split second.
So then I just have another achievement, another achievement. There's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with the situation. Like I said, it's a good skill to have. It's the reason you're [00:12:00] successful, and no one's saying that we need to completely get rid of it. It's just that it has become overblown.
It is taking up too much of your brain space, and it is commandeered the other part of your brain that does. Just get curious about things that does just wanna create to create, not because it needs to go somewhere or that it needs to lead something, and you just have to get back in touch with that part.
Okay? And this is the thing, I actually think this is one of the most important things that you can do, not even for joy, which is a huge part of it. Like why wouldn't you just want to have more joy in your life? Really, this is the same assignment I give to people when they don't know what they wanna do with their life.
Part of getting back in touch with this is getting back in touch with yourself is understanding who am I and what makes me tick and what makes me happy when I'm not doing what everybody else tells me to do when I'm not doing what I'm quote unquote supposed to do when I'm not playing this ridiculous game that doesn't really have a prize at [00:13:00] the end of it.
And so. This is something that is, you don't have to do. It's not an all or nothing thing. You don't have to like need tons of hours to do this. It's actually pretty straightforward and it is. The key to not just finding more joy and happiness, but really like learning to listen to your own inner voice.
Learning to hear what is it that I actually want? When you're thinking about a career change, when you're thinking about big life decisions, it's really important to have a connection back with your body and have a connection back with that inner voice that knows, you know, you can call it intuition, you can call it your gut feeling.
You can call it whatever you want. But we've all heard it. We all know there's like this inner pull that is guiding us, that tells us what is good for us and what is not. And that kind of takes in a lot more information than our conscious mind can understand. And for so long we've just been disconnected with that voice.
It's still there. That's the good news. It's still there. You just have to basically unbury it, right? You have to, you've had it tamped down for so long, and you have to learn to start listening to that voice again. So [00:14:00] I'm gonna give you a couple of small exercises that I want you to start doing in order to increase that voice, the, the volume of that voice so you can hear it better.
Okay? The first thing is to get more connected with your own biological needs. It sounds so simple. But it's truly something that you have to learn. You have to relearn. I want you to really start listening to your cues of like when you're hungry and when you have to go to the bathroom. Like the bathroom is probably the easiest one, especially for women.
I think women who are mothers have tended to neglect this. Need for so long because you just don't have the time and you, it sounds weird, but I promise you it will start opening up your hearing to other things within you as well. So it's just one of the more obvious ones where it's like, when you need to go to the bathroom, can you start listening to that sooner and giving, taking a break, even if you're in the middle of something, can you start prioritizing?
My body needs something. And yeah, sure. I [00:15:00] can tamp it down. I can tell myself like, Hey, let's wait 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Let's just get this done. But I don't want to anymore. I want to learn like when my bladder's full or when I am hungry, even if it's at 10:00 AM and I'm not supposed to eat lunch till 12, I wanna start being like, no, but my body is telling me it is hungry right now.
And so I, being the steward of this body can decide i'm going to feed it. My body needs food, my body needs to go to the bathroom. My body needs rest. I need to lay down for a little bit, whatever it might be. When you start doing that one, I think that the rest comes easier. Once you've learned how that like, Hey, my body is actually giving, sending me signals that I've just ignored forever, and you start becoming more attached to your body and you start becoming more in your body instead of detaching just in your head like so many of us are just right up here in the head, nothing below it.
Don't even feel, I don't even know what my feelings are. And so we wanna just start creating that connection again so that I can hear it, so I can hear that voice. Okay. [00:16:00] That's one. It's a really simple thing to do. Just start this week and try to listen like huh? Or even notice even after the fact, like when you do go to the bathroom, think about how long have I been waiting to go?
Like when did I first start feeling this need to go? Was it an hour ago? Was it two hours ago? Was it five hours ago? For some people, that's what it is. It's like I've been waiting five hours to go to the bathroom, and you wanna just start becoming aware of that because you start seeing how absurd it is.
The second thing is, again, it's gonna sound simple, but it's not easy. I want you to not really even think about joy. 'cause joy sometimes is a step too far for us to get to. 'cause we don't even really know what brings us joy anymore. I want you to just get back to being curious. I want you to think about what things you are curious about.
What things interest you, what things is like, hmm. I would like to try that, or I would like to learn more about that. One way that you can maybe answer this question is like, if you are gonna go into a bookstore and you can actually do this, go to a bookstore. What section [00:17:00] do you naturally gravitate to?
Do you want to pick up books from? Do you want to learn more about One of the things that I think. We lie to the most about ourselves is that like we either outgrow our curiosities, like we're not curious anymore, or that we're not creative. I used to say this all the time, like I don't have a creative bone in my body.
It was such a lie. If you are alive, you are creative, you are born to create. That is how human beings are Now, how you define creativity. Is very telling. So if it's only like you're, you have to be really good at art in order to be creative, then yeah, most of us don't fit that bill. Most of us are not artists in the way that we traditionally think about it.
Most of us are not painting or sketching or, you know, doing ceramics or whatnot. But that is such a limited view of creativity. And when you start realizing maybe your creativity comes out in again, like you like to tinker with things and build. Robots out of stuff or Legos. You like Legos or [00:18:00] maybe you like to make really beautiful tablescapes and you really like to set, have dinner parties and make things really beautiful and make desserts really beautiful.
Maybe you like to make really elaborate meals or, um, it could be whatever. It could be anything. And you, the more you start tuning into like where you have this curiosity where you tend to wanna talk about or learn about or you know, what shows do you watch? Do you watch. Cooking shows. Do you watch HGTV about how people design their homes?
Do you watch History Channel and you're really curious about certain thing wars or whatnot? All of it has a level of curiosity and a level of creativity to it, and you, so you wanna just start tapping into like, what am I curious about? And you have to start letting yourself follow that curiosity in very small.
Doses. It does not mean that you need to pick up a new hobby and you need to go buy everything for that hobby, and you need to start like. Going down, you know, a lot of us have a very, again, when we're goal oriented, it is [00:19:00] like this all or nothing. Like, okay, well I guess I'm picking this thing and I'm gonna go all in on it.
No, no, no. We wanna get outta that mentality. We are sort of in this mentality of like dabbling. I wanna just dabble, I wanna put, I would just wanna dip my toe in and see what it's like here. And then I wanna dip my toe in here and see what it's like here. And I wanna look at this and see what people do here and I wanna learn more about that.
And I wanna see what people do there. And you just give yourself a little bit of time to get curious again. Honestly, it could be about anything. How do people make candles? How does the internet work? We all have tons of questions, right? And so you wanna start like giving yourself some time to follow those questions a little bit.
That might be some internet research. It could be as easy as like what this is, instead of it could scrolling. I'm gonna watch some YouTube videos about. Sewing. I don't know. Something that has, I've always been really curious about like, how do people make jeans? How do the, how's that fabric made?
Or how do I build, how do people build cars from nothing? I've never understood that. I really wanna know, like, what, what are [00:20:00] the, what's that process like? Maybe it just starts there. Okay. Maybe it's picking up books, walking, watching documentaries. It can be something that's very, a small step, but it's sort of, again, listening to that voice like, what is this thing I'm interested in?
Not even because and better, the best way of doing this is like, it doesn't have to lead somewhere. It's not gonna lead to some kind of side hustle. You're not gonna monetize it. It's not gonna be something that's gonna be become your career. It's just that I'm just interested in it because I think it's fun because maybe it, it's just weird.
I don't know how people do it. It blows my mind. I wanna learn more, more about space, let's say. 'cause it's just cool. It. It doesn't matter the reason why. It's just like I have this curiosity about this thing and you're gonna start learning a little bit more about it, and maybe that ends. Maybe you're like, okay, I learned enough.
I don't actually care. Great. Then I go on to the next thing and I pick something else that I'm curious about. And part of this, again, just like the whole body urges is coming back to your own voice. The more you do this, the more you start realizing like, huh, I actually [00:21:00] am really curious about these types of things.
Like I promise you there will be through lines, there will be patterns that you will see. Like I'm really curious about how things work. I have this like engineering mind and I like. Knowing how all the components come together to make a bigger whole, great. I'm really curious about how people make things beautiful.
Like I really love to watch how people, create, make a cake and make it into this beautiful masterpiece. I really love seeing beauty in the world. It inspires me. I really realize that, you know, my through line is I like to see. I like to see human endurance and how people can push themselves, and I really love knowing about the body and how we kind of overcome the things that we think is possible.
I just wanna know more about it. It doesn't mean that I wanna go out and run a hundred mile marathon. I just like learning about it. And I think that the more you tap into that curiosity. What's amazing is you start finding more joy in little things, not in like this big, it may not be an overarching like flood of joy that you might get when you maybe get a promotion or you get something when, and [00:22:00] we're, we're used to these sort of big dopamine hits, this kind of windfall, like, I'm working towards something and I'm, and I wanna feel like I crossed that finish line.
And part of what you're doing is like. What's the word? I'm not desensitizing, like just recalibrating yourself to small amounts of joy that like, it doesn't have to be this, oh my God, this is the best feeling. This is the coolest, this is the funnest thing I've ever done. This is the most joyous I'm ever gonna be.
No, it's like, can I just find a little bit of joy? Can I see like, hey, I actually really enjoyed the process of this. Or just, even if it's not joy, maybe it's more calm. Like for me, I recently started, I've talked about this before, like I started doing embroidery and I started doing like paint by numbers.
Paint by numbers is not something that I'm like, oh, it's a, I mean, I guess it is a creative endeavor, not I, it's you literally follow the numbers, but it's like a type of meditation for me, I realize like I actually really enjoy meditating. In a way where my hands [00:23:00] are active and my brain is focused, right?
That's like the only time where I can really like, calm my brain to not think about anything else. And I spend 20, 30 minutes, an hour just focusing on this one thing. And so that's why a lot of people do like these coloring, adult coloring books. It's the same sort of thing. It puts you in a little bit of like a trans like state where you're like, in this automatic mode.
I find a lot of peace from that. There's a very like, peaceful joy in that. It's not that, it's like, i'm jumping for joy and it's the funnest thing I've ever done, but it really helps me bring some peace into my life. And so, but I've learned that kind of doing a bunch of different things.
And it's so funny because like even when you look at crafts, so I've been doing this a lot and I will tell you, I was someone when I left the law, I said that I didn't have a creative joy bone in my body, and I really didn't think there was anything that brought me joy. I didn't really like hobbies.
I didn't have hobbies. I thought a lot of stuff was just like more work. It's like, oh God, you want me to knit this whole blanket? I don't have time for this. You know? And I, I looked at everything as like, this is such a [00:24:00] chore, which was so telling at the time, over the years, having allowed myself like, Hey, you don't have to do the whole blanket.
Like, just even see if you like knitting. See if you like the, the process of it. Is it, too much? Is it too little? Is it, what part of it do you like? What's interesting is there's tons of like crafts and I've, I've tried 'em all at this point, and there's ones I can't even explain to you. I'll do it.
And it's like, I love this so much, and there's other ones that you are very similar and you're like, oh, I would love this. And I try it. I'm like, I hate it. Can't stand it too hard. Makes me think too much. It's too frustrating. I don't want it. But it only happens because I allow myself to try things.
I just let myself be like, huh. This was kind of fun. What about this? And then I try it and I'm like, nah, not for me. I also don't have any type of expectation. So like embroidery as a great example. I bought a bunch of stuff for it. I was heavily into it for three months and then I've just kind of put it away and I haven't touched it for about six months.
And I don't care. I don't guilt myself for it. [00:25:00] I don't make myself feel like bad about it. I don't think that I gave up on it. I, 'cause it wasn't supposed to be any type of end goal. It was simply the process of like, this is. Interesting to me right now. I find this curious. I wanna know why people do this.
I wanna know what people create. I liked looking up tiktoks of how people embroider different really amazing things, and then I got over it and I know as the weather gets colder, I'll probably pick it up. It's something that I actually do enjoy doing. Maybe I'll pick it up this month. Maybe it'll be in three months.
Maybe it'll be next year. Who cares? There doesn't, when you stop, when you have to start like reorienting yourself to like not having an end goal and having just the process of learning, the process of discovering the process of doing is the joy in it in little bits, you start gaining back that ability to find that joy.
This is what I mean when I say like, do it in, in small amounts of where your cure is at. Is when you start hearing that, like when you start following that curiosity, that voice becomes louder. That's like, no, we actually like this. Remember when we were a kid, we liked doing that. We actually think this is [00:26:00] really cool you, and it's fascinating when you start doing this work where like I used to think, like I said, I wasn't really curious about anything, but when you, I started and I would make a list.
Every day I would come up with more stuff and I was like, oh, actually I also would love to learn how to do this. I also would love to try this. I would love to take a class on this. I would love to like go to this, visit this place once, you know, and I would start creating like a list and it would add more and more to it.
Of course, when I first sat down and thought about it, I could think of like one or two things, but now it's like a laundry list of so many things I would love to try if I am not stuck in. Well, it doesn't go anywhere. Well, I'm not gonna do anything with this. Well, I can't make money off of this. Well, it takes a lot of time.
Once I started realizing like, yeah, it does take time, but it also brings me so much joy and it brings me peace and it calms me down and it gets me more acquainted with myself and it gives me some time to recharge. It stopped needing to become some kind of end goal. I didn't need to have some kind of result.
Now I am a very goal oriented person, so that doesn't mean that I don't have results. [00:27:00] Oriented goals I do. It's just not all I have, right? So I still might have my business and I still may wanna grow my business and scale it and have certain things, and then I also have my embroidery, or I have paint by numbers.
That doesn't really go anywhere. I don't show anybody that's not for anybody else but me. I might also dance, go to a dance class, just because I have fun doing it because my body wants that. And so it's not this. Either or. It's not to say that it's bad that you have, you know, ambition or goals or wanting to get external validation.
It is what it is. Some of us are wired that way. I still always, I want all the external validation. I love it. It, but I've also learned that I can also find joy and maybe it's a different type of joy from small things. And so I want you to just start small, even when you don't think it will bring you joy, even if it might not bring you joy like you, it won't until you try it.
You might be like, you know what? I wanna take a ceramics class, and then you're gonna go to a ceramics class and you're like, I actually didn't like that at all. That was a lot of work. I don't have the energy for that. Great. [00:28:00] Now, you know, cross that off the list. You start becoming a person that is curious about yourself.
You start becoming a person that is curious about the world. You start becoming more interesting. I promise you. People care more about that than they do about your job. You start trying different things. You meet new people through that. You develop joy. Joy is not something that's like discoverable, that's like under a rock.
This is what I feel about like passions too. I think a lot of people think that they either have a passion or they don't. Your passion is developed and it's developed slowly. It's like. Okay, I wanna try this thing, and I do it, and I love it. And I wanna try it again. And then I wanna try it in different ways.
And then I try it and I show someone else, and then I wanna do it for a friend. And I slowly start realizing like, I actually really have a passion for this. I really have a passion for hosting parties or making beautiful dessert tables or knitting scarves or building computers or, I don't know, whatever.
And it has, does not ever have to become a job. So what I want you to do is start small. I want you to just [00:29:00] find one thing you are curious about and allow yourself to follow it for a little bit. Just watch a documentary on it and then find something else. Better yet, find some pockets of time. That can be your like curiosity time.
Okay? Find one hour a week, find. Two hours a week if you have it, find 30 minutes at the end of the night. It doesn't matter. Find a Saturday morning and schedule it and be like, this is the time where I'm gonna just look at something I'm curious about, or I'm gonna start some kind of project, or I'm gonna try a craft, or I'm gonna.
Go for a walk or whatever, you know, and I'm gonna look at the stars or I'm gonna look at the leaves or whatever it is that I like. You get the point. Start there. I promise you it will grow. It's something that has to be nurtured, and I think it's just something that, like, the more you tap into that voice, the louder that voice gets and it's there for all of you.
I have zero doubt that there is not one person on this earth that does not have things that they're a curious about, or B, that, they're creative in, you [00:30:00] just have been told that it's a waste of time or you don't have the time for it, or you have to be serious or it's, you know, whatever. All these other, this is bullshit.
And that is really the things that make life fun. It's the things that make life a. In, joyful and interesting. And so you just have to like build that muscle of listening to that voice and so well, you can do it slowly. You don't, and just temper your expectations. Don't think that you're gonna go and you're gonna, you know, buy an embroidery kit and it's gonna be the funnest time of your life.
You're gonna be just overwhelmed with joy. It doesn't work like that. It's just gonna be like, okay, I tried something new. And it, it was cool. It was kind of cool. I'll try it again. Over time as we talk about, like as your passion kind of grows forward, as you're like, you realize that you do like it, you start finding more joy in it, you start looking forward to it.
You start realizing how calm you are during it, you start realizing that like it's the perfect thing to do while you're watching tv, whatever it might be for you. And that's when you start building like, Hey, I actually [00:31:00] really enjoy this. It's not that. It's like I do it once and I'm like, this was like going to a rave and I'm I don't know, overwhelmed with these incredible feelings.
That's not what it's like. It's like, huh, maybe I'm a little curious about this. That was kind of cool. I like that documentary. I like learning more about this. And then you build on that and you build on that, and you build on that. So that is my very long-winded way of saying. Start listening to your body.
Start following those cues and give yourself some time to do little things that you are curious about, and I promise you it won't lead you astray. The last thing I'll say on this, if you find no other benefit in doing this, okay, if you find no other benefit, like you don't actually find that it's gonna give you joy or peace, or it's gonna, I want you to understand that this is how you learn how to get into flow. When people talk about like getting into flow and stuff, a lot of what happens when you find something that you're really into that you find something that you're curious about is [00:32:00] when you get into things where you're like, I lose track of time.
I could do this for like five hours. That is something, again, that is developed and that once you practice at something that you do enjoy, you start getting into these, s states where time seems to fly by and it's a really incredible feeling. And what's interesting is when you can learn how to tap into that, you can start doing it in other times too.
You can start kind of figuring out what you need in order to get into the state of like hyper fixation and really into what you're doing and kind of drowning out the world and being in this place where your mind is kind of like on autopilot, but doing something that it loves. And so that is a built skill.
And that happens through just like finding things that you're curious about and getting really like, good at listening to that voice and following that. And it will take you to so many places that you can't even begin to understand right now. You will go down rabbit holes that you never even thought you would love, and you will learn things that you never even thought would be a part of your life.
And it will open your life to so many other worlds [00:33:00] and people and communities, and it will bring so much more richness and it will make you so much more interesting than just the job that you have. So start small. It doesn't have to, you don't have to get there today. Tomorrow or this year, you can allow this to be something that you're just doing year over year and it is growing.
But I promise you that you will not regret spending time curating and going deeper into things that you are curious about. It will only improve your life, I promise. So start there. I hope that's helpful and I'll be back next week with another episode.
