Parenting & Careers
Ep. 226
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Balancing all of the thoughts around your career is already hard enough, throw kids into that mix and it can feel like you’re constantly drowning. 

The guilt of feeling like you’re always dropping some balls.
The resentment of never having any time for yourself.
The exhaustion of always taking care of someone or something else. 

This week on the podcast, I’m going to show you how thought work helped transform my relationship as a mother which allowed me to create the career of my dreams. 

In this episode, I talk about how learning to manage my mind helped me: 

  1. Understand my real role as a mother 
  2. Understand myself better 
  3. Understand my children more fully 

All three of these things allowed me to take off the martyr-badge most moms are required to wear and create a life that actually works for me and my family.

Show Transcript
Hey, welcome to Lessons From a Quitter where we believe that it is never too late to start over. No matter how much time or energy you spent getting to where you are, if ultimately you are unfulfilled, then it is time to get out. Join me each week for both inspiration and actionable tips so that we can get you on the road to your dreams.

Hello my friends. Welcome to another episode. I am so excited that you are here. I have been mulling over this episode for a while and it's gonna sort of be a rant because as much as I try to like outline it, I have so many things to say and it'll likely go all over the place. So bear with me. But it's fascinating to me that I wasn't even gonna cover this topic. And the more I've thought about it, the more I'm really like shocked that I haven't talked about this more often. So I wanna talk about parenting in relation to your career and just what so many of us have to go through and balance, you know, our families and home life and parenting with our careers. Actually, somebody on Instagram asked me to talk about this because I was talking about how I've used thought work to change my experience as a mother and how thought work, you know, I talk about how transformational it is and it truly is in every aspect of my life. And I talk about it clearly with, you know, my career trajectory and how I went from being a lawyer to what I'm doing now. But the most significant way that it affected me was in how I parent and the experience I have as a mother. And I have often mentioned my own journey of like when I quit the law was right after I had my first son at my first born, my son, in 2014. And it was a really dark year for me and it was a lot of major life changes. I moved states. I quit the only career I had ever known. I felt very lost and afraid and I was going through a lot of postpartum stuff and I had a very difficult baby who cried all the time. And so it was a very difficult year. And then on top of that, I had all of the thoughts, the unhelpful thoughts and I didn't have thought work and I had social media. And so I had all of these beliefs of how this should be the happiest time of my life and I got everything I wanted and I have a healthy baby and I'm, you know, not working and I should be happy and there's something wrong with me and I'm not connecting the way that I should. And I created so much unnecessary suffering in that year for myself and I was so unhappy. And when I look back now and I see how much my understanding of motherhood has changed and my understanding of myself and my understanding of just that chapter in my life, how much I wish I could have lifted some of that suffering, how much more I could have probably enjoyed that year if there wasn't so many should’s. I should be doing better. I should enjoy this more. I should be, you know, posting things on Instagram like all these other moms. Whatever the should is that we all have. And so when this person asked me, I was at first thinking like well, I don't coach on parenthood. I don't coach on mothers. I don't really coach on that stuff even though thought work obviously applies to everything. And if you're in The Quitter Club like we do coach on anything that comes up for you so I feel fully confident in coaching on these things, it's just not what I normally talk about on this podcast. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized like mo- a lot of what I coach on is this because so many of us are trying to balance our careers and parenthood, right? So many of us are trying to figure out what our dreams are but we're using our kids or our families or, you know, whatever our situation is as a reason to hold ourselves back, as a reason why we can't go after the things we want, um as a reason to beat ourselves up, as a reason to constantly feel guilty or ashamed or feel like you're failing or feel like you're you should be doing better or other people have it better. And it is such a source of suffering for so many of us in our careers that I realized we absolutely have to talk about this and we absolutely have to start reframing this discussion. So I wanted to talk about parenting and careers on this episode. So again, like the reason I am really so adamant about this is because I have done the work and I can see how dramatically it changed my life. And so I I think even if you don't change your job, even if you don't change your career, so many of us are so burnt out and exhausted, not because of the actual hours that we're working, the number of hours that we work or, you know, the physicality of our jobs or whatever it is, the stress level. It's because of all of the constant mental energy and load of ruminating and spinning about how you're doing everything wrong and how you're gonna mess up your children and how, you know, everybody else has it together. And so if we can start lifting that a little bit, it becomes so much easier to start figuring out what you actually want and what you wanna do and how you wanna approach this life. So I do this in three ways and I coach in three ways and I want you to start thinking about it in three different ways. One is I started gaining an understanding of my role as a mother, okay? I started really trying to dig in to what is the invisible rules that I am placing on myself? What are the invisible rules that society places on me? What is my job as a mother? And I think oftentimes we don't question this, we take it as if it's just this is the way it is and we all know that it's not the way it is because it changes with every generation, right? If you look back in history, mothers typically didn't do a lot of the things that we do today, right? In fact, they've done tons of studies of like how many hours mothers spent with their kids in different generations and even stay at home mothers I think like in the fifties and sixties spent less time with their children than working parents do now, right? We all knew we this is how we grew up is like you were out playing. Your mom likely didn't sit down and play games with you all the time or chauffeur you between 400 different sports and musical classes and all these other, you know, enrichment activities that you needed to have. Like you came home, you went out, you played outside until it was dinner time, then you came in and you ate dinner. Like your mom's job was maybe to make have dinner on the table or I mean, obviously not to I don't wanna belittle the previous generation. They did a lot of work as well but the demands on mothers has just grown and grown. And what's fascinating to see is that, you know, when as women fought for the right to be in the workforce and we added that to our plate, we didn't take off any other thing, right? It wasn't as though like we added getting the right to work or getting our seat at the table so then it instantly became like well yeah, then men should also take half of the burden of raising children. Now, we are slowly having that discussion more and that is becoming more of a norm of like where fathers are also much more involved. But for a very long time, as women became more and more prevalent in careers and in, you know, boardrooms and started climbing the corporate ladder, it was still a sort of given that they would also take care of everything at home, right? So the 40 hour work week that was created with the idea that a man is, you know, working these hours while somebody is at home making food and cleaning the house and taking care of the children just became translated into like now you have to balance all of it. And on top of that we're just gonna add Instagram and Pinterest. And so it's not enough that you are taking care of your children and that they are fed and they are, you know, loved and they are clothed and that you're doing the best you can. No, no, now you have to have Pinterest worthy parties and you have to make sure they're only eating organic and you have to limit all of the, you know, bad dyes in food and you have to make sure that you're u- up to date on what they're doing in their homework and you have to take them to extracurricular activities. We do the most we've ever had to do and we do it with the smallest village, right? So as time has gone on, our villages have become smaller and smaller. And so before, we lived in small communities where families literally helped each other raise children, where the burden wasn't on you all the time to make sure that you are meeting every emotional and physical need of your child. It was like divided between older siblings and relatives and neighbors and all these things. We have that less and less, right? Like kids don't even really play outside in their neighborhoods anymore depending on the neighborhood. But like there isn't even this communal like with the people that you live in, let alone like lots of us have moved away from family, lots of us don't have that those kind of relationships. And yet we still have the expectation, right? We still have the expectation that by ourselves we should be able to fill the roles that so many other people helped us fill. And part of what helped me shed a lot of the guilt and shame was truly understanding this, truly understanding that we have set up a standard that is impossible to meet, that women have been given a raw deal in this and that we were made to believe that this is just normal. That like yeah, you should be able to now like have a high-powered career, be a boss babe, right? Like try to break that glass ceiling, wanna be included in everything, but also make it home in time. Make sure that you're making fresh-cooked meals. Like you can't just give them store bought food. Make sure you're involved in the PTA and you know what's going on. Which by the way, as an aside, I work from home and I'm now my second child is going through the school system and I truly don't understand how people have nine to five jobs and have children in the school system. Like every other week the schedule changes, randomly they're just out in the middle of the day, random days they have like days off. There's just so many things and I keep thinking like if I didn't have this flexibility, how would I go pick them up in the middle of the day? How would I so this is just another rant but I just see the absurdity of it. Like the way that the schooling system was even built was with the idea that one parent is always at home. And so it's almost impossible to be a working parent and to be able to manage all this. And we don't even have to get into what happened with COVID but you get what I'm saying. And so seeing that, seeing how we have shifted this understanding of the role of mother or and even father by the way. I'm not obviously I talk very heavily about mothers and I do think that the bulk of it falls on mothers but it's also with fathers as well, right? Luckily there has been more of a movement of fathers being more involved in being more hands on and luckily more fathers are doing that. But that also puts that additional pressure on men as well is like before, when it was only your job to be a breadwinner, which you missed out on a lot of the love and a lot of the emotional connection with your children, now it's like you have to do that but you also have to do this other stuff. Like you also need to coach the, you know, little league team or you need to be constantly coming home and playing with them and wanting to do all these things. And that's I think the bigger problem is like you should want to do this. Like you shouldn't be tired when you get home at the end of the day. So if you're crabby there's something wrong with you. Like you should be so excited to get home after working eight hours and sit on the floor and wanna play Legos. And when most of us, most people don't wanna do that, we're like there's something wrong with me, right? Let me add a lot of this like shame and guilt because this is what Instagram shows me. This is what Pinterest says and I'm here to tell you it's a lie. It is a lie. That is not what we need to do, right? And so when you understand that and when you realize that like I feel like the pendulum has just swung way too far to the opposite side. Like when our grandparents’ generation or even previous generations, there was like no consideration for how children felt like children should be seen and not heard. You know, a lot of us grew up in those kind of households where nobody cared about your emotional wellbeing. And to be honest, a lot of them nobody knew. Like it's not like psychology was something that was talked about or people had access to this information, nobody understood what was happening. And a lot of trauma ensued from that. So I get that like that's not really the way we wanna go. But we have swung so far to the other side where it's like my child can never experience any negative emotion. My job is to make sure that every need is always taken care of, that every obstacle is moved out of the way, that anything that happens at school, I am on top of it. I am there. I'm fighting with the teachers. I'm helping them. I'm making sure they never make a mistake. I'm making sure they never experience like loss or anything. I mean, we're seeing the ramifications of that on our children. We're seeing these generations that grow up who truly cannot handle the negative aspects that are a part of every person's life. Like when they get to college, when they become adults, a lot of people just increased, you know, anxiety, depression, like obviously there's a lot of other reasons but there's just so much documentation that a lot of kids in this generation can't even like call and make their own doctor's appointment. They have too much anxiety to talk to somebody else because they've never had to do it. They never had to figure anything else out for themselves, right? And so really just understanding this evolution of our roles as parents, not to say that it's right or wrong, it's just to really understand what do I want to take from this and what do I not, what works for me and my family and what does not. Just because somebody else has created the standard does not mean that this is how I have to live, right? And when I started doing that, when I started realizing like I start I had to do this, it was like survival mode with my son but he cried so much for the first like three years of his life. And I remember thinking I had to do all of these, you know, like mommy and me classes and music classes and all these Pinterest worthy like take him to the pumpkin patch. But I would go and he would just scream bloody murder from the minute we I would try to put on his clothes, if he in a car seat, in a stroller, anywhere we went, right? And I really had to just come to this realization of like why am I doing this? He's miserable, I'm miserable, everybody's miserable. Who said I have to do this? Like maybe my kid at two years old just doesn't need to be in a music class. Can I be okay with that? And I very quickly had to like start being okay with that. Cause I'm like I'm not doing this. Like I was already in a really low place and I was like I cannot add on. And not to say I didn't try, I definitely tried for years until I was like enough, this is enough. I can't. And for some of you, you don't need to get to that extreme hopefully. You can just start questioning. Do I want this to be my role? Does my role include making sure that my children never have a negative emotion? Does that actually help them in any way? Right? Do I think I can protect them? Do I think I can control all of their emotions no matter what I try to do? Why do I think that's my job? Right? And so the more we just start uncovering like okay, somebody had some idea about what mothers should do but like I don't wanna do that. That's not gonna be for me. What kinda mother do I wanna be? Right? What do I think my role is? Like part of what I want you all to do and what I do on this podcast is like when we reframe things like whether it's how do we reframe success, right? Like what do you consider success? If we stop chasing this like corporate ladder or money or whatever it is and I define what is success for my life, it becomes a lot easier for me to make decisions about what I wanna do. It's the same thing here. When I de- define what I want motherhood to be for me, it becomes very different and I can very easily not give into the guilt anymore. Cause like yeah, I still have tons of friends who do all the things, they do all the sporting, every night is a sporting event. Every day is, you know, their kids have been in music. Bless their souls, that's so fabulous for them. And I look at it and I'm like nope, not me. I tell my kids you can pick one sport. We can do one sport at a time. That's it. If they have inclinations to do music or they wanna do it, I'll put them in. We'll try it out. If they're not into it, we we stop. We don't do 400 tutoring classes and stuff. Not because I don't think it could help them. I mean, I actually do think that I also want them to just have time where they're bored and they do other things and they don't constantly have to have every minute scheduled. But honestly, if we're gonna be just honest amongst ourselves, it's for purely selfish reasons that I'm totally okay with. I will not spend my life shoveling you around from place to place to place because somebody else told me that that's what children are supposed to do. Like when in history has that ever been? And why am I doing this? What are we gonna get for you from you playing 14 different sports and trying out the piano and quitting after a year and trying out violin and then taking an art class? Like I just don't even get the point of it. So for me I was like mmmm that's not gonna happen. I want them to have some play dates. I want them to, you know, be involved in some events. I want them to get to play the sports or my daughter isn't that into sports so maybe like an art class. Fine, great. But like what is my limit? And that I constantly check back in to think about like really what is my limits? What do I want? What is best for my family? How do I define that? And then I can make decisions from there and it becomes so much easier to not feel guilty. So the first is just understanding my role, right? Understanding how things have shifted in our society, what is expected of mothers, right? How insane that standard is and whether I wanna push back against it. The second is understanding myself, okay? We have just been fed this lie for centuries by the way. This isn't like just in this generation but it's that like motherhood means complete martyrdom. Like you are no longer a human. Your needs don't matter, you just do what's right for the kids. And you know what that leads to a lot of resentful mothers, rightfully so. A lot of people have sacrificed their whole lives for better or worse. They chose to do it because they were told they had to. And how we change that is by pushing it back against that, is by asking: do I really need to be this martyr? Does this ever benefit my kid? What child wants to be the reason that their parents martyr their life? What child wants to be the reason for that resentment? But we've just been fed this idea that like not only should you be in bliss all the time and should you just be like so wonderfully happy to always be with your children and always, I don't know, whatever you're supposed to feel all the time. And if you don't, there's something wrong with you. But you should never think about yourself. Like this child is born and now your only thought has to always be about them, has to always be about what's going to make them happy and not even what's best for them, by the way. Because a lot of what we are doing is not what's best for our children, it's what we think. Like if they're happy, then I get to feel happy. If I don't have to deal with their negative emotion, then I don't have to feel negative emotion so I'm just gonna like try to make sure they're happy all the time. And then in the long term, not in their best interests because they have no ability to deal with any kind of negative emotion. But for right now, I'm just gonna do it because I don't know what else to do. And so I don't like to hear them cry. I don't wanna deal with their disappointment so I'm just gonna give in and do whatever I can, right? And when I really started accepting like I am a human being, my needs also matter. Just because I had a child does not mean that everything else in my life doesn't matter anymore. Like yes, obviously I had a child and so I have to prioritize that child's needs as well. And that has to become a part of the calculation in any family. Again, I think that we used to be way too far on one side of the pendulum where it's like you didn't consider anything about the kid. Like nobody cared about the kid really. But it's gone to the point where it's like our children are the only focus in our family unit, right? Nothing else matters. It doesn't matter if like mom and, you know, or we should just say parents, what their needs are, what their relationship is, how they are gonna survive this, whatever. Like none of that matters is like what is the only thing for these children? And while in the short term that can seem like you're doing something good, in the long term it will destroy everybody. And so when I started really accepting and questioning like why don't my needs matter? Why do I have to just do everything because I've decided to have a kid? Why does my entire life have to be put on hold? Does it really have to be like that? And I started redefining. I started really asking myself like what do I want in my life? And again, when I define that success for me is when I changed my entire life, my entire relationship. Because when I was a lawyer, I knew I didn't wanna work like that. I didn't have that much of a drive to like climb the corporate ladder. I didn't wanna be like a partner in a law firm. I didn't wanna work all those hours. But I also knew even before I quit that I didn't wanna be a stay-at-home mom. Like I am not built for that. I do not have the patience. Everybody is better off if I'm not in that role, right? Like I just, I know myself so well that I was like I want something else. I want something in the middle. I wanna be able to work and feel really excited about the thing that I'm doing. But I also wanted to just be manageable and I wanna see my children and I had children for a reason and I wanna be a part of their lives and I want to have something that isn't what I'm seeing. And at the time I didn't really see that modeled that much. It was either like you're a career woman or you're a stay-at-home mom. And so I very much felt like I was failing at both. And until I started realizing like I'm just different in my own way, right? Like there was all my friends who were around me that were stay-at-home moms that loved it and that was fantastic. I love that for them. There's no morality in all of this. It doesn't make you a better mother if you wanna stay home or if you wanna work, you're not a better person because you have a career. You're you're just choosing like this is how I like to spend my time. I like this type of intellectual stimulation. I like to be there for my kids every time my kid has a first. Great. If that's truly what you want and not what you think you should want, right? That's the problem is digging in and really figuring out what is it I think I should because everybody's told me. What lights me up? I would just remember like when I was at home all day with my kid, I was just drained. I wasn't lit up, I was really frustrated, I was really angry, I was really resentful. I was like this is not gonna be good for anybody in this situation, right? And so when I started realizing like no, I really get lit up when I get to do something that like excites me and then I also get to come home and have time with my kids, right? The amount of time that I deem is, you know, enough for me. And so you have to get really clear that like your needs are okay. It's okay to have them. I think what happens a lot of times is like we think if we shove it down, it goes away. Like no no no. I love being at home with my kid, right? Like if I just kind of sort of push that down, I was like no, I should be a stay-at-home mom and we have the means to do that so I should, you know, go into this role. Just because you ignore it or you try to outrun it, you out-hustle it, you try to make yourself busy, kind of fooling yourself into the believing that you love all these activities when you don't, like it festers, right? It's like if you're trying to push a bowling ball and not a bowling ball I'm sorry, if you're trying to push a beach ball underwater it takes a lot of energy to hold it underwater and eventually it will pop up, right? And so a lot of us don't let these things come to the surface and they eventually do, they pop up. There's just resentment, there's anger, there's regret, there's a lot of things that go into this. And so I think that the biggest most important thing you can do is become very honest about who you are and understanding yourself, right? And understanding like that your needs matter and it may not be possible for you to do what you wanna do right now. So let's say like you wanna be a stay-at-home mom but you need to financially support your family, right? Okay. At least when we can admit it to ourselves, we can think about like how do I incorporate more of what I want? How do I work towards the long term of maybe doing that? How do I find the time where, you know, I can put up boundaries and be fully at home because this is what I need more of. Like this is what I want. How can I make sure my weekends are, whatever it is, we can at least start. It may not be the perfect situation, right? We may not get to a place where it's exactly what we want but we can work towards it. Like when I say I realized very early on I didn't wanna be a stay-at-home mom and yet I was a stay-at-home mom for like four years five years before I really had a business. I had some stuff on the side but really had a business that like would afford me to stop being that primary role. And in that time, I was just working towards like how do I start this business? How do I grow this? How do I do this on the side while I'm still dropping off kids, picking up kids and, you know, doing all that other stuff. And so it's really just like the first step. Like if you don't admit it to yourself, you can't know what you're working towards. I think another part of understanding ourselves is, I mean, maybe understanding isn't the term but when we talk about like I think the second pillar is really like knowing yourself is also just having a ton of compassion and grace as you go through parenthood. It is one of the hardest jobs you will ever have. And you have to know that you're gonna mess up. You have to know you're gonna get it wrong. There's just never in the history of the world going to be a parent that does everything right, handles every situation wonderfully, never messes up. And I think that we spend so much time in the I should have, I should be this, I should be more patient, I should wanna play with them, I should yada yada yada. Like so much shame, so much guilt, right? So many of us like when we're working it's like I should be at home when we're at home. Oh, I didn't get this done at work cuz I was thinking about my kids instead of like really accepting just like this is hard. There's a lot to balance. I'm gonna mess it up. I'm gonna keep having to juggle. Some days I'm gonna do well, some days I'm not. Some days I'm gonna be patient. Some days I'm gonna lose it and I'm willing to learn from that. Like you can only learn from that when you really do it from compassion. For so many of us, like there's so much judgment on ourselves that it's impossible to get to the underlying thought because there's so much judgment of like I shouldn't be like this. There's something wrong with me. I'm a terrible mother. I'm a terrible father. I'm, you know, an angry person whatever, that you don't get to like the underlying thoughts of like why do I get so impatient? What about this do I hate? Like I can't even admit that to myself cause I'm mired in so much shame about the fact that I shouldn't have these thoughts. And so the more we can just practice compassion of like yeah, of course I lost it today. Having small children is a lot and some days I'm gonna lose it and I can repair, I can learn from it, I can apologize to my kids, I can figure out how I wanna show up. But I can't do that if I'm constantly just telling myself that I'm failing. If I'm constantly telling myself that I'm not good enough or I'm not doing it right. Right. So a lot of the work and a lot of the work that we do in The Quitter Club and the work that you do with me is this part because we don't control what society tells us we need to do. We don't control how our children feel but we do control ourselves and we do control the thoughts that we have and we can investigate all of the shame and the guilt and why we're putting it and we can reframe the stories. And that does allow us to show up differently and that does allow us to make different decisions, right? And to put our needs first and to learn how to do these things from a place of like compassion and grace and wanting to change to be better. Not because you think there's something wrong with you but just like because it it's something that is important to you. And then the third thing that I focus on, so it was understanding my roles first, understanding myself was second and understanding my children is third, right? And part of what I mean by that is like really questioning these narratives again of what we've been given about children. I'm just very understanding of the fact that my children are not here to get through life unscathed. My job is not to make sure that they never endure a negative emotion. And so as I navigate when they have negative emotions, I really try to understand from their point of view. I allow them to have it. I get that it's frustrating. I get that they're sad. I get that they're disappointed that maybe I have to go to a conference, right? And I truly believe, like now I I wasn't always like this, but I'm so happy that they get to learn how to navigate those emotions with me, right? I'm so happy that I get to be there to support them for it but not change it. I don't need them to feel better so I can feel better. I don't need them to always be happy so that I can feel like I'm doing a good job and I can tell myself a story that I'm a good mom. They get to have their human experience. When I truly understood that like my children are not mine to control, there's almost this idea that like they are a part of you and you have to control everything that happens. And it's like they are just other beings on this earth that I get the honor of helping guide through this life. And when I think of it like that and I think of like how do I wanna guide them and like yes, they're gonna feel a ton of disappointment and a ton of boredom and a ton of anger and a ton of sadness and a ton of frustration because that's what it means to be a human on this earth. And the minute I stop making that mean anything about me like as if I was failing and making it actually mean like yeah, they're just having a human experience, it became so much easier for me not to get triggered when they have it. Like so often it's like your kid's having a tantrum, your kid is going through, you know, a heartbreak, your kid has, you know, flunked a test or whatever and is really upset. And that negative emotion and of seeing them in pain or seeing them go through something creates so much negative emotion in us and we believe like this feels so terrible, I have to fix that so I can feel good. If they're happy then I can feel okay. And when I realized that's what I was doing, I was trying to control them so that I could feel better, I started realizing like I don't need to do that. They can have their human experience and I can still be calm. I can feel okay. I can not make it mean anything about me. I can know like yeah, life is frustrating. Tell me about it. How does that feel? What do you wanna do here? Why did that make you upset? I don't need to like call your school and talk to your teacher because you got an F. Like I need to figure out how you're gonna navigate this. And the burden when I realize that I think like like I said, this has been the most transformational work that I've done is because when it lifted the burden that I have to prevent anything bad from happening to them, it was like an exhale like huh I can't even do that if I wanted to, it was so much pressure. But now I get to ask myself like how do I wanna show up in this moment? Like I guess this is when I'm gonna parent, right? My kid’s having a tantrum, how do I wanna show up? If I make it mean like he shouldn't be doing this, everyone else is gonna look at me. Everyone else thinks I'm a terrible mother so I have to control him. I have to like yell at him and tell him to stop crying. And, you know, this is nothing to cry about. What gets accomplished there as opposed to like alright, you let me know when you're done crying. It's totally okay to cry. You're having a really rough time right now. Whenever you're done we can talk about it. I showed up so much differently. I started focusing on what I control which is only me. I stopped making it mean that everything I did, if it if my child had a negative emotion about it, it meant that what I was doing is wrong. Like for instance, as an example, like I've had to leave my kids to let's say go to a conference and I see so many, I had a lot of guilt the first time I did this, and I see so many parents that don't do this kind of stuff or, you know, don't take the time for themselves because they feel guilty. And I remember really thinking like I love that they get to experience what it's like to be separated from me. I don't know if they're always gonna be with me. I don't know what's gonna happen in life. It's like I want to build that resilience. I want them to see that their mother is an example of someone that takes care of themselves and goes after their dreams. I want them to see that it's okay that they're not with me, that there's other people in our village that's that are gonna be there to take care of them and that I will make sure that they're safe. I want them to see that if they're away from me for two or three days, they're gonna be okay. Nothing's gonna happen. I'm not saying you have to have those thoughts, you don't have to. You get to you can believe that like while your children are young, you never wanna leave them. That's totally fine too. There's no right or wrong in any of this. There's no morality but we attach morality and when we can take it off and start really figuring out like why am I so scared of this thing? What am I making this mean about me? What am I making it to mean about my kids? It becomes so much easier to start figuring out what you want, what's best for your children, what lessons you're gonna take from this. And you can navigate this insane experience of parenthood and life and all the emotions with a lot more compassion and grace for everybody. And honestly in my mind, like everyone wins in that scenario. So if you want help doing this kind of work, if you struggle a lot with the guilt and shame as a parent or how to navigate your work stuff with your children, I want you to join me in The Quitter Club. I don't say this lightly like this is the most important work you can do. This is work that is transformational for everybody in your life. And so I want you to stop putting it off and thinking that you can do it on your own or that it's not gonna make a difference. Not only am I example of it, there's just thousands and thousands of people that have used thought work to change their relationships, to change how they approach their families and their work. And there's no reason that you can't be one of them. You have a human brain just like the rest of us. And I promise you, we can start chipping away at a lot of these painful stories so you can actually enjoy this experience of parenthood and you can show up the way that you want to and you can stop um giving into what everybody around you thinks you should do. So if you are interested in doing this work deeper, you can go to and either get on the wait list if doors aren't open right now or join if they are. Alright my friends, I hope this was helpful and I will see you next week for another episode.

Thank you so much for listening. If you liked this episode, share it with someone else. I promise you know somebody who also hates their job and wants to quit, so why not share the love? And if you want to come follow along for more, come join me on Instagram at LessonsFromAQuitter and make sure you say hi. I'll see you next week for another episode.