Imposter Syndrome
Ep. 225
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This week, we tackle a big topic in high-achieving communities like this one: Imposter Syndrome. So many of my clients, who have years of experience, degrees, great reviews, insane accomplishments, still believe the lie that they have no idea what they’re doing. Why is that? This episode tackles why we hold on to the thoughts causing Imposter Syndrome so tightly and how to start loosening that grip.

Show Transcript
Hey, welcome to Lessons From a Quitter where we believe that it is never too late to start over. No matter how much time or energy you spent getting to where you are, if ultimately you are unfulfilled, then it is time to get out. Join me each week for both inspiration and actionable tips so that we can get you on the road to your dreams.

Hello, my friends. Welcome back to another episode. I'm so excited to have you here. We have officially kicked things off in The Quitter Club and it has quickly become my favorite place to hang out. Uhhh I can't say enough about this community. It's so amazing to be around people that want to level up their life and deal with all the nasty thoughts that keep them down and do the hard work. They are my people and I like I love it. I love being in that community. I love the coaching calls. It's been amazing and it's such I know it's just gonna grow from here and it's just gonna be this wonderful, supportive, badass community of people doing the most unbelievable things and supporting one another. So if you are interested in learning more about when we open up, we’re closed right now, and we're gonna open to the public soon-ish. So if you want to learn more about The Quitter Club, you wanna know what the membership offers, all the details, you can go to and get on the wait list so that you are informed as soon as we open doors. Cuz there will likely only be open for a short period of time. And I would love to have you guys in there because it really is just a magical community that is forming and I'm I wanna get everyone in there. Okay, onto today's episode we're gonna talk about imposter syndrome. Mmhmm. I can't believe we haven't talked about this yet, right? Over 200 episodes. Craziness because so many of you, so many of us, myself included, suffer from this. And so we need to deal with this and this is really the work that we do in The Quitter Club. So I figured we should talk about it here. Okay, so what is imposter syndrome exactly? It's a buzzword. We hear it everywhere now. And most of us know, but in case you don't, it's the psychological occurrence whe- that an individual goes through when they start doubting their skills, their talents, their accomplishments and they have this immense fear that they're gonna be exposed as a fraud. Da da da. So many of us have this, right? And we have it even more when we're trying something new, when we maybe wanna start a side hustle, when we wanna go into a new field. So this comes up a lot with the people that I coach. But obviously it also happens in the fields that you're in now, in fields that you've been in for years and years and decades and decades and all the accolades and all the degrees. And you still feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I have no idea what I'm doing. Everyone's gonna find out I'm a fraud. I hear this all the time and I'm here to tell you that it's not the truth. If you haven't listened to episode 172 that I did, it's called Be Being Delusional, right? And in that episode, I talk about why you should be delusional on purpose and you should think that amazing things are gonna happen for you and you should think that you are capable of creating an incredible life. And one of the reasons I talk about it in that episode is because we're already delusional and imposter syndrome is just the most glaring example of that, right? I get all these people that are unbelievably accomplished in their fields, right? They've gotten advanced degrees, they have worked at really incredible places. They keep getting promoted, they get really coveted roles, they get great reviews. They've been at the place for years and years and they still wanna convince me like really just be like no, you don't understand. I have no idea what I'm doing. And I always try to tell them that that is impossible. You're not working at a charity. They're not keeping you there because you're so lovely. I'm sure you are lovely. But if anyone knows, I mean we all know how corporate America is and uh they don't just give you money because they like you. Trust me on that, right? It's like they are paying you because you're good at your job. You just refuse to see it. And this is just a fantastic example that you can apply to the the rest of your life too. And really like just highlights why we all need thought work is because we are not just seeing reality, right? We're not just an unbiased observer of the world and people wanna think they are and they wanna tell me like no, I just really don't know as if that's just like some truth like the sky is blue and I don't know how to do my job. And I always think like imposter syndrome is actually a gift for us to really see that like oh, I'm not really seeing the truth. I've created a story in my brain about what I can and can't do. I've reiterated that story ad nauseum and now I believe that it's the truth and I do that everywhere, right? I'm not seeing reality as it is. I'm seeing it as I am. I'm deciding that something is true and then I'm going around looking for evidence to prove to myself that it's true. I'm looking for all the times where I have doubt, all the times where I don't feel confident, all the times where I make a mistake and then I just solidify this thought that I have no idea what I'm doing. And so it's just good to know that, I just say like as we talk a lot about thought work and changing our thoughts, I just think it's such a really stark example of look, you're creating something that's not there. And it's been uh studied a lot at that we are just terrible judges of our own competence, especially women. And we're gonna talk about that. Like one of the things that you should know about imposter syndrome is that women have it more because uh we've been programmed by the patriarchy. Thank you, patriarchy for that. We've been programmed to constantly doubt ourselves, right? We've been programmed to believe, if you think about just it maybe this explicit message wasn't told to you and hopefully the opposite was told, but when the implicit message dominating all of our culture, all of our cultures, is that women don't know what's best for them. Other people know better. Women can't be trusted. I mean, just think about the fact that like women we couldn't open a credit card on our own without our husband or father's permission until like what the fifties or sixties. I think some of it was maybe the seventies. That's insane. That was like yesterday. That's not that long ago. And so these things, these ideas that have been perpetuated on women for centuries that like oh, little lady like you don't worry your pretty little head, we'll take care of it. You don't know what you're what you need. And obviously we fought back against it and a lot of us have proven that women are just as smart, some would agree smarter. But that's a podcast for another day. Um but like really we clearly as are just as capable as men and we all understand that intellectually. But the thing is is that message has been sort of fed in every movie, book, you know, like magazine, shows, from when we're children. And so women learn to second guess. Women learn to people-please. Women learn to doubt themselves. And so they've done studies where women were asked to rate how they thought they were going to perform on a test, okay? And their actual like performance was equal to men but they consistently rated themselves 30% less than men, right? There's there's a million of these studies. There was another study where women were asked to participate in a science competition for prizes and when and they had no idea obviously how they were gonna perform on the test. And 49% of women signed up to participate versus 71% of men that signed up, right? And they performed, again, equal. And so it just again, goes to show you that a lot of this stuff is not because they actually didn't know how to perform as well as the men did. It's just that we have just been conditioned to constantly doubt ourselves and to believe that like if there's a chance we don't know, if there's a chance that we might be wrong. If there's a chance we're not perfect, then don't take the chance. Don't raise your hand. Don't try to answer the question. Don't put yourself in that position. And so we shrink back. We don't make mistakes. We don't try to fail. We don't do anything cuz we think like I have to be perfect or I don't know what I'm talking about. And so one of the things that we really, especially as women need to grapple with, is that this idea like when we have this thought in our head, you know, that like I don't know what I'm talking about or I may not know or I might be wrong to really understand like where that comes from. Not to say that we're not wrong, of course, we are. Or of course we there's things we don't know but really like why am I holding myself back cuz of that, right? Where does this thought come from? Another thing that's really important to know about imposter syndrome is that the smarter you are, the more capable you are, the more it shows up. This is sort of, you know, in line with the Dunning-Kruger effect where a person's lack of knowledge or skills in a certain area tends to cause them to overestimate their competence and vice versa. And so it's just been proven that like imposter syndrome tends to show up more with a lot of high-achievers. And the reason for that is because you are aware of how much you don't know, right? This is just with social media especially, this tends to be what we see is like the people that know the least are yelling the loudest. And the more you learn about a subject, of course, you realize like how much more there is to know about that subject, how much more there is to learn. And so it starts creating more doubt. You start realizing like yeah, I know some things but I don't know everything or I don't understand the intricacies of this part of it or I don't know how all of this like fits together or whatever the situation may be. But it's only because you’re smart, it's only because you have the wherewithal and the critical thinking skills to understand that there's so much that you don't know. And what we do, for a lot of us, is we just focus on that gap. We don't focus on what we do know. We don't focus on everything that we've studied, everything that we've learned, everything that we've done well, all of the, you know, incredible things that we can do, we look at oh, but look at all the stuff I don't know. So that means like I shouldn't really speak on this or I shouldn't volunteer for that or I shouldn't apply for that job because there's all of these other things that I don't know. And really that is the crux of imposter syndrome is this mistaken idea that there is some place or some time where you will know everything. There is this land where you will get to where all of a sudden you won't have any doubts and you'll always know the answer and you'll always know how to answer correctly. You'll never fail. You'll never get it wrong. And so we think because I'm not there then I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm gonna fail at this or because I might get the answer wrong then I'm not allowed to speak, right? This type of perfectionism is breeded in our school system like from when we're young and a lot of these high-achievers, a lot of us high-achievers who did well in school, really bought into the system that like I can memorize everything and get a perfect score or get a really high score, right? I can learn the ins and outs of this one subject and I can do really well. And so we think that that's how the rest of the world works. We think like oh, I just need to prepare enough. If I take the time to read all this material and I know this and I get an A then that's that's the standard. That's what I have to do with everything. But that just can't apply to the real world. That's just not how the real world works. There's just never a time where you will know everything about your field or everything that you need to know or that you won't fail. Cuz the only way to grow and learn more is to fail, is to be willing to put yourself in that arena to learn more. But you're not willing to put yourself in that arena because you think you don't know enough. So we keep holding ourselves back thinking like oh, one day I'm just magically gonna go know everything about the law let's say or I'm gonna know every answer as a doctor or I'm gonna whatever it is. It's like no, that's not how it works. That's just not how jobs work. That's not how the real world works. And we've just been given this this disservice from our schools to ever believe that like perfection is possible, that a hundred percent is ever possible or needed, right? I don't need people that are that I'm hiring or that are figuring things out to be perfect, I just need them to be able to try and learn and keep doing it. And so when we have this kind of burden that we put on ourselves that the only way to ever speak up is to be perfect, a lot of us don't ever speak up and then that just perpetuates you just create that model that like I don't know what I'm talking about. And you keep reiterating that thought and then it keeps showing up more and more. And the other things I want you to know about imposter syndrome, really about the causes of it is that we only really have it because we tend to only look at people that are ahead of us or have figured something out let's say or do something better, right? We never look at people behind us like we all know that we're better at certain things than other people but it's like oh, we can discount that, that doesn't matter. Look at this other person that has this aspect of their life together that I don't or understands this concept better than I do. And statistically speaking, like we all fall somewhere in the middle. And I think again, some of us who did really well in school, I don't wanna say like we're at a disadvantage, obviously we’re not, we were succeeding in that in the structure that was created in the system that was created. So it's not like boo hoo feel sorry for me but I'm just saying like when you had that experience from early childhood on where like you were always excelling and doing really well, you believe that you always have to be that best. So if there's someone better than you, if there's someone that knows something more than you, it's almost like this like threatening uh, you know, your brain feels threatened in a bit a way that like no, I'm supposed to be perfect and if I'm not then that means I'm a fraud and I don't know what I'm talking about. As opposed to like, again, when you go into the real world, who cares if there's no grade system, you're not nothing is happening that you need to be like the best of the best of the best of anything. Like you're likely not going to be and you might be in some things and then not in others. Like that's what we all are gonna be. And this is what I was talking about like when I was coaching somebody recently who was speaking about like feelings of jealousy or just thoughts that she had had with a colleague on a specific type of assignment that they were working on and really as we explored, and it was really it was kind of those same thoughts of like I'm not as good as him and I could never do this task like this and all those thoughts. And it was a lot of like imposter syndrome of I'm just never gonna be able to I'm not gonna be good at that. And the thing is is the reality is is that specific task is like less than 5% of what her job was. Like it just comes around very rarely. It's not something that she engages in all the time. And the reality is is like maybe he is better at that task. Okay, does that mean that you're a complete fraud, right? Like does that mean like no, like look at all of these other areas that you are fantastic in and look at all these other skills that are needed for that job and look at all these other ways that you likely are more ahead than that person. But we don't, we only look at like where am I falling behind? Where is someone else better than me at something? Whatever it is, I gotta find that and I gotta focus on that. And then I gotta tell myself I'm clearly not cut out for this because this one task that's 5% of my job, I can't, you know, ace it or whatever. And so for a lot of us, if we just change our view, and I'm not saying like oh, look at all these people that are worse than me. I don't mean it like that, I just mean like really if I'm gonna try to be realistic like where does my skill set fall, right? Am I terrible at this? Do I have no idea what I'm doing? Like is that actually the truth, right? What's the neutral like facts here? And I will say the last thing about this is that I think that when we even look at the people that we see ahead of us quote unquote we don't actually see the truth there either, right? We look at other people and we see this kind of polished exterior. We see this put together armor that all of us put on for the world and it looks as though like oh, they know what they're talking about, right? They are just so good at this. Like for example, let's say like you think that you are terrible at public speaking or at giving presentations and you think that your coworker is so much better at getting up and getting giving presentations. And the part of it is because like maybe when you watch them, like you’re not nervous so you think they're not nervous. You think they're just up there and they're, you know, talking and getting through their slides. And so you your brain just like tells you as if like you know what their experience is like, what their models are, what their thoughts are and so they look polished. They look put together like their slides look good, right? But when you go up there, when you have to give a presentation, like you can see the hot mess that's going on in your own brain, like you know that even if you're talking and doing a fine job in your brain, it's like code red, right? Like all alarm bells are going off, you're like sweating, your heart is racing, you're freaking out and your brain is just like this is not okay. We sound and then you, you know, you're like judging yourself while you're giving the presentation and you're constantly like are they judging me? Are they watching me? Like did I mess that up? Did that sound stupid? Am I stumbling? Like you have all these thoughts going on. So then of course, it feels like oh, I just don't know how to give a good presentation or I'm, you know, not good at this or I'll never be professional, whatever the thought is. But the reality is you have no idea what that person had going on inside their brain when they were giving a presentation. That's actually why I love the group program so much and like the membership, why I love The Quitter Club is because it just takes down this wall. Like other people are getting coached on their thoughts and you're like oh my God, I have that same thought. And everybody's so surprised that they have the same thoughts, even though I tell you all the time that we all have the same brain. But it's like yeah, yeah, we all do. We all think we're terrible at giving presentations and we're all in our own head the whole time. Like being like did that sound stupid? Should I stop talking? Am I rambling? Is this too much? Should I, you know, like we all do that but we don't see it when other people do it just look so fantastic. Or we see them like 10 steps ahead of us and we think I should be there, right? Like I'm an associate and I I look at a partner and I think well, they do this so well. I don't know what I'm doing. It's like yeah, well because they've been doing it five years longer than you have. We ignore all of the other evidence or all of the other facts that make this situation make sense. And we're like no, it must just be that I'm terrible. That has to be the only right answer here. And I just want you to know that like behind the curtain, every one of us is a hot mess and has no idea what we're doing, right? We might know some skills, we know some things, but like we're all making it up. Parenting, work, relationships, all of it. We're just like I don't know, I guess this is this is the way I'm supposed to parent Somebody else on Instagram told me I'm supposed to do this. And we all do that. And the more you understand that, the more you realize, again, like I love watching people have these like light bulb moments in the community. It's like when someone else is says like oh, I'm so nervous to get coach right now, you just see like a collective like exhale. Cause everyone's like oh my God, I'm so nervous to get coached. I don't even wanna raise my hand. I keep telling myself what am I doing here? You know, I don't belong here or whatnot. And when you start seeing and when you really accept that other people are hot messes, they have no idea what's going on either, it becomes so much easier to understand that what's happening in your brain, that nothing has gone wrong, right? It's like yeah, of course, I'm terrified right now giving this para presentation. Of course, my brain's losing it and I'm nervous. Like who doesn't get nervous when they're talking in front of people? Isn't it like the number one fear above death? Like of course, this is happening. I just have a normal brain and then that like brings down kind of that fever pitch that like level of pressure that like not only am I nervous but now I'm just gonna tell myself that there's something wrong with me for being nervous. Now I'm gonna add on a lot of shame and judgment that like I don't know what I'm doing and other people do and everyone's gonna figure it out. So that's what imposter syndrome is. Like all those things, if you think about it, especially like if you are a woman in the patriarchy, if even if you're not, if you think about the perfectionism that's been put upon you since school, all of the self-doubt that you've been taught to think, if you realize that we are just looking at the people in front of us, if you realize that we just think that we should know everything, which is impossible, if you realize that it's with smarter people because you understand the gap in what you don't know, right? If you start looking at all these things, it starts making a lot of sense. You're like oh yeah, of course, my brain is telling me that I'm a fraud and that can't be true, right? And so now I wanna talk to you about how you start combating this, how you start working on this. But you can stop like torturing yourself with these ridiculous thoughts that you don't know what you're doing even though other people have been paying you for years and years to do a job that it seems like you're doing and they're giving you reviews and they're telling you you're doing a good job but you like choose to believe that you're not right. So absurd. Actually, Kara Loewentheil was another life coach she talks about like with people when they say that they're a fraud or that, you know, and they're battling imposter syndrome, she's like okay, either you're super smart because you've conned everybody for so long, or you're actually know what you're doing. Either way, it means you're smart, right? So that's also a funny way of thinking about it. But here's what I want you to do. Here's like three steps that I really want you to focus on in learning to start battling these thoughts. One is I want you to start shifting your attention spotlight. So we've talked about this attention spotlight a lot on the podcast. If you're new, I'll give you a quick recap. Wh- your brain can't focus on every piece of information, right? So your brain will look for whatever you tell it is important. There's a phrase that's uh the eyes will see what the mind looks for. We all see this when like we're gonna buy a new car and we're at a at a stop sign or we're driving and we all of a sudden see that car everywhere. That car was always there, you just told your brain like hey, this car's important to me now for whatever reason. Your brain's like alright, here you go. Here it is everywhere. We do this with everything. And so the reality is is that you are putting your attention spotlight on one thing and that just happens to be everything you don't know, right? You're like you know what? You know what sounds like a fun time, a good idea, I'm gonna go to work and I'm gonna think about every single thing that I can't answer or that might fail or that I might make a mistake. That sounds like a good time. And then we're like wondering why we're all burned out and exhausted. But the reality is like you're doing it as like a defense mechanism. Obviously. You're like if I can just beat everybody else to it, if I figure out what I don't know, then maybe I can learn it or maybe I can, you know, prevent some catastrophe from happening or whatever. So it's just your negativity bias just focused on the things that it doesn't know. But when you're doing that, that means none of your attention is on all of the things that you do know and all of the things that you are good at and all of the things that you have accomplished. And so you have to start shifting that attention spotlight. You have to start proving to your brain and looking for the evidence that you do know what you're talking about, that you do have the experience, that you are good at what you do, right? It doesn't just like magically pop up and there's never gonna be a time where you know everything, where you're like you're just gonna get to a place. And again, I I coach so many people and, you know, it's like people keep achieving thinking at some point they're gonna outrun these thoughts so they like become a lawyer and then they become an associate and then they keep getting promoted and then they actually make partner, which is amazing and it's such a hard feat. And then they keep telling me like no, I still don't know what I'm doing. And the thing is, you're never gonna outrun or out hustle your thoughts. So if you have the thought I don't know what I'm doing, it doesn't matter what the actual facts are, you're gonna keep that thought. And so you have to just start shifting that thought. You don't have to change the circumstances, you don't have to take a new job, you don't have to get a promotion, you have to start changing the thought I don't know what I'm doing. And you have to like question that. Is that true that I don't know what I'm doing? Why am I telling myself that? What do I know? What are things I have figured out? What are some things I've done really well? Because what's also funny is have you noticed that as soon as you do something well or let's say like you kill it on some project or you win a case or you save a life, I don't know whatever your job is and if anybody compliments you or if even for yourself, you think about it for like maybe two seconds and then you're off and it's like no, that was a fluke or no so and so helped me with that or no, that was an easy thing. That wasn't that hard of a case, that was like pretty straightforward. Like we discount everything that we do figure out, we discount everything that we do well and then we hyper focus on everything that we don't know. And then we wonder why we all suffer from imposter syndrome. And so part of what your job is now is to shift that attention and find all of the ways that you do know what you're talking about. That you have figured out a ton of things, that you're really great at certain aspects of the job. I'm not saying that like you kill it and everything and you know every answer but it's like listen, I'm fantastic at X, Y, and Z. These are my strengths in this job, right? Let me look at that. Let me give like take the time to be proud of myself. Let me not dismiss compliments. Let me receive it. Be like thank you. I did do a good job on that. Let me not discount what I did and give other people credit. Let me start understanding that like I add value to this place which is why they are paying me. And when I can start showing myself that, I will start shifting my attention. Like yeah, may maybe I don't know everything but I do know some things. I do know how to do a lot. I have figured it out, right? And will slowly start chipping away at this idea that I don't know what I'm talking about or I'm a fraud. You know, like it's it's it's kind of this all or nothing thinking. And that leads me to the second point is that you also can accept your gaps in knowledge or your weaknesses. And I say this with caution a little bit. Like I wanna I wanna caution you because like I said, we're terrible at being judges of ourselves. Like we're terrible at really being able to see ourselves neutrally. So I say this to say like you have to do this very cautiously because so many of you guys are like yeah, see no, I'm just accepting my weakness. I'm just terrible at everything and Iike no, you're not, right? Like you have to be very like brutally honest with how much you wanna beat yourself up. So I would look for evidence of what your weaknesses might be from other people. Like if there's some things that you've gotten on your review, okay, maybe that's something you need to look at. If someone else is telling you hey, you know, you need to speak up more at meetings or you need to, I don't know, pay more attention to organization or whatever. Okay, like then we can maybe agree that that might be my weakness. But I just say this cause I know a lot of you guys are gonna be like yeah, well my gaps of knowledge is everything in this job. And that's not true. But I do think when you can be more objective, when you can look at your strengths first and be like oh, these are all of my strengths, right? I'm really good at these things. I'm not so good at this other stuff. That's totally fine. Like when I look at my well my lawyer friends, being a lawyer and I only say this because I have uh an understanding of what the job of, you know, being a lawyer is, so I don't this applies to every job. You have to apply it to your own. I just know because of my history as a lawyer but I would just say like as a lawyer, there's, you know, writing motions, there's doing research, there's client-facing work and like having client relationships. There's building business, there is going to court, maybe taking depositions. There is organization, there is critical thinking, there's thinking outside the box. There is like there's just like so many different facets to the job and it might be like hey, I am fantastic at dealing with clients and I'm fantastic at research and writing. Maybe I'm not so great at depositions or going to court because I get too nervous or whatever. I don't like public speaking. Okay, that's good to know. It's just good to see. That doesn't mean I'm a fraud as a lawyer. That just means like this is where maybe I need to do more work or maybe I don't wanna do work that involves a lot of, right. So when you start shifting your attention spotlight and showing yourself what you know, then you can move on to number two which is like looking really honestly at your weaknesses or your gaps in knowledge without shame. Like there is no shame in having a weakness. We all have it. And in fact, I'll give you a quick hot tip. Typically, your weakness is just the flip side of one of your strengths and vice versa. So if you're just focused on your weaknesses, I promise you if you just look at what the other side of that weakness is, it's the strength. So for instance, I'll give you as like an example of me. Like I really love big picture visioning like that kind of work. I can see things very much like as a broad picture, how things come together, how different pieces might fit together. Which means my weakness tends to be with details like getting really micro, getting super like okay, well now what do we do with this like small part. How do we organize this? Right? Okay, it is good to know cause I'm like yeah, I don't I'd like to spend more time in creativity and envisioning and then, you know, being more of a looking to the future and whatnot. It's an organization is not my biggest skill. Alright, good to know, right? There's no shame in that. Shame only lives in darkness where you feel like you have to cover everything, hide it. No one can know that you have a weakness. Nobody can know ever that you don't know what you're talking about. You can never ask questions. And so so many of us do this like we just like bury it and we think there's something flawed with us. We think there's something like inherently wrong with us instead of just understanding that like of course, I have weaknesses just like every other human. Nobody is perfect and there's nothing wrong with those weaknesses. It's just like okay, where are my strengths? How can I play to my strengths? How can I maybe learn more to help me with my weaknesses? How can I delegate so I don't have to deal with my weaknesses? Whatever it is. When you can accept it, like yeah, this is where I'm good at then this is where I'm not. What do I wanna do with that? Instead of oh, look I have some weakness that means I'm a fraud and I'm gonna get fired and everybody hates me. Like that's usually where our brain goes. A bit dramatic as always. And we just wanna bring it back to like of course, I have I'm not trying to say like I know how to do everything. So like let me take a more honest approach at looking at where am I great at and where do I need some help. And then lastly is learning to trust in your ability to figure it out, right? Overcoming imposter syndrome is not learning how to do everything and be perfect at it because that is an impossible standard that you will never meet. There will never be a time where you know all the information. There just won't. So we can stop waiting for that and we can start understanding that it's not that I have to know everything, it's not that I have to be perfect at this, it's not that I should have already known how to do this, it's that I can figure things out. I have figured out a ton of things in my life. I've done a lot of hard stuff. This is just one more, right? This is one more thing I'm gonna have to tackle. This is one more thing I'm gonna learn from. This is the lesson I'm gonna need. Maybe I'll fail, maybe I won't do a great job. Okay. I can assess that. I can look at what went wrong. I can look at like where maybe my skills were lacking or what I needed help with, without making it mean I'm terrible at this job and I'm a terrible human and I'm, you know, nobody's ever gonna wanna work with me. It's like we we're so dramatic in our brain instead of just being like oh, okay that didn't work. I wonder why. What did I get wrong? And when you can do this, when you really start getting rooted in the trust to figure things out, right? When you get rooted in your ability to figure things out, like that's how you build self-confidence. That's how you build unshakeable self-confidence. Which means like you really can go out and do anything, try anything. Because you never have to be perfect at it. You never have to not fail which is never gonna happen with anything new, right? You're gonna fail. So when it's like of course, I'll fail, of course, I might get things wrong or I might make a mistake but I know I'll figure it out and that might mean I have to ask for help or I have to ask more questions or you know. And so many of us are like so terrified of doing that because we think like oh, I'm an imposter and I have to try to hide it. I have to make sure nobody knows so I can never ask more questions. And then we just like perpetuate the problem, right? Then we don't learn more, then we still think we're a fraud. Instead of being like hey, I'm gonna figure this out one way or another. What do I gotta do? I gotta ask more questions from my supervisor, okay. I know my brain's gonna tell me like you're being annoying. You should know this. They're gonna think you're terrible. And I'm gonna learn to manage my mind, to let myself show up the way I want to, to ask the questions that I need to, to learn what I need to do to be okay with failing, right? And the more I can do that, the more this need to look perfect and this imposter syndrome when I'm not perfect starts fading away. So that's what I want you all to work on. And that's the work that we do in The Quitter Club together. So this work can sometimes be difficult on your own cuz you're gonna try it and you're gonna fail at it and you're gonna like it's gonna sound wonderful. And then you're gonna go to work and your brain's gonna be like no, but you really are an imposter. You really are a fraud and you're gonna believe it and you're gonna be like oh my God, yeah, Goli doesn't know what she's talking about. She doesn't know my situation and you're gonna bring it to coaching and I'm gonna just gently and lovingly tell you that you are absolutely wrong and I'm gonna point out things that you're not seeing and you're gonna start being like ah, maybe this Goli chick does know what she's talking about. Maybe I'm not a fraud. And it's so beautiful and so what it's like the my favorite thing to do. So I want you to come so I can point out to you how lovely and amazing and incredible and impactful that you are and so that you can go out and actually like stand in your genius and do the things that you're meant to do in this world instead of hiding behind this unwarranted fear that if you're not perfect, you're not allowed to show up. So if you wanna work on your imposter syndrome, join us in The Quitter Club at And if not, I just want you to go through these these three things, right? Shift your attention spotlight to what you do know. Accept your weaknesses or the gaps in your knowledge and like shine a light on it. Look at them. Start working on them. You can start having thoughts like okay, I'm in the process of learning how to be more organized. I'm working on learning how to speak up more. Whatever it is. Start working on them and then trust in your ability to figure it out. Alright, my friends. You are not imposters. Promise you. You are very valuable to your companies and I hope you start seeing it and I will see you next week for another episode.

Thank you so much for listening. If you liked this episode, share it with someone else. I promise you know somebody who also hates their job and wants to quit, so why not share the love? And if you want to come follow along for more, come join me on Instagram at LessonsFromAQuitter and make sure you say hi. I'll see you next week for another episode.