Hello my friends and welcome to another episode. I'm so excited you are here. I wanted to talk to you a little bit about all of the lessons that I learned from my recent trip to Iran. I've talked about it a little bit on the podcast. Obviously if you've listened to the last couple episodes, like you'll hear me talk about little things here and there, but since I've come back, I've just been reflecting a lot about everything that I've learned and there's so much. And so I figured I'm gonna do a, an entire episode about this because I think that this is sort of the point of traveling, I think whether obviously like I'm from there. And so I have a different connection and reason to go back. But I know that every time I have left the country, the amount that I have learned is, I mean, it's years and years of education distilled down into like a one or two week vacation or however long it is.

And I understand that is an absolute privilege to be able to travel, to have the money, to have the passport, to have the time and ability. Um, and so I do not take it for granted, but every time I go I think I learn so deeply more about myself, more about the world, more about our thoughts. Um, and so I figured I would share some of the learnings that I had on this last trip because there was a lot and I, and it, I keep actually like the more I reflect on it, um, the more lessons I learned, which also maybe might be the first lesson. I think oftentimes we go through the world no matter what it is, whether it's traveling or you have a job or whatnot, you're in a relationship. And I think whether it works out or doesn't, we spend most of our time beating ourselves up, um, or in our own heads about why we should be better or whatnot.

And we miss all the lessons. And I think part of what has changed a lot with my mindset is that I constantly think about like, what did I learn from this, right? What were some of the lessons that, whether it was from this relationship that I got in a fight with this person and it ended, or you know, even if it's going well, um, what am I learning from this? And I think when you spend the time to just like check in, and that can happen through journaling and that can happen with just like thinking about it for yourself. It's like spending the time to think about like what are connections that maybe I'm not consciously thinking about. But I don't know, you get so much from that. And so I have just been ruminating on this topic for the last, you know, couple of weeks since I've been back.
Um, and so here it's, here are some of, there's in no particular order. There's so many lessons. So let's just start with it. The first thing, and I talked about this on social media, but I figured I should, yeah, like obviously put it in a podcast episode about this, is I would say the, the biggest thing that I have learned from traveling back to Iran is understanding other people's fears and understanding fear in general and um, as to how it relates to what we do. And so here's what I mean.

When I started telling people that I was planning this trip to go back to Iran with my kids,
The thing I immediately started hearing was, are you sure it's a good time? This is kind of dangerous, you know, maybe you shouldn't go back right now. Um, or like I would get like, oh wow, you are going to Iran and you know, it would be kind of implied as in like, why would you do that? And I wasn't surprised because this is the reaction that I've gotten every single time I've told people that I'm going to Iran in the last 25 years, I started going back to Iran when I was 18. Um, and really in the last, now it's been 24 years, I've gone probably, I don't know, six, seven times. And every single time that is the reaction. And every single time people tell me it's not a good time to go back. Now the here's the thing. There is truth to that.

That's the problem with fears, right? Is that it is, there is some truth to it. There is uncertainty, right? There is risk. Iran is in a politically volatile position. Um, the US right now. There is a lot of tension. There's a lot of like stories about people being detained, even citizens when they come back. Um, there are things that are concerning. And so it's not as though I think people are making it up, right? It's not like where people are like saying things that you're like, wait, there's no evidence, there's no context for this. Like, I'm not surprised by it. But one of the things I've realized, again, because I've gone back so much and every time I went back I'm like, my experience is so different than what people were telling me. There's a disconnect. So it allowed me to see like this fear that everybody has like is not actually based in in the full reality, the whole truth.

'cause here's the thing, fears are louder than facts, okay? I'm gonna say that again for you. Fears are louder than facts. Yes, there is some truth to them, but it is rarely if ever the whole truth. And for me, what I started realizing is that it's typically from people that don't actually travel to Iran. And what they're looking at is like, yes, there's some news, um, uh, articles that they read or uh, stories that they see. And we all know when you look at the news, it's usually the worst headlines. It's usually the things that are gonna catch attention and be click bait. It's usually things that are gonna have a lot of negative connotation. And so we take those negative pieces of news and we, um, extrapolate that like, oh, this is the whole kind of story. And I think we also look at like anecdotal evidence.

We look at like these, the new story of, you know, maybe somebody went to Iran and got detained or somebody came back here and was detained at in customs and wasn't allowed to come back. And that is scary, right? And that is again, a risk, an actual risk, but we look at that one person or those couple of stories and then we think like, oh, it's really dangerous to go back. And I know for me, I started really looking at like, okay, what are the actual facts? If I'm not gonna let other people's fears kind of dictate what I do in my life, then I have to really look at like, where are their fears and really what can I do to kind of mitigate them and what are the actual facts? And for me, I started looking at like, well people, millions of people travel in and out of Iran every single year.
Even with looking at right now, like this, this time the unique thing, normally when I leave the America and I don't really have a, a worry about coming back into America, but um, under the Trump administration there has been a lot more activity of like citizens or me, just all people kind of being questioned or being detained for a couple hours. And so that was a new worry to kind of add to everything. But even that, I was like, okay, it is a possibility again. And there are these anecdotes that you see on TikTok now and on Instagram and a lot of people were sending me it and being like, oh my God, look at this. This person got detained. Are you sure you wanna go? Are you sure you wanna take your kids? And I was looking at like, okay, but how many thousands of people are going and coming through customs, uh, and border patrol every single day in the us, right?

How many people are traveling internationally every single day and coming back and having no problem? And so you sort of have to look at like the numbers and be like, yes, there is a possibility. What is that percentage? What is that possibility? Um, and then I had to look at like, well what's my situation? Like of course there are some people that might have certain things within their background within the work that they do that might make it more dangerous to travel to certain countries, right? I realize again, it's, I have a very privileged position to be able to even go back to Iran. A lot of people can't. I understand that. Um, but I do have the privilege to be able to go back. And so I looked really at like, there's nothing in my or my family's lives. That is a red flag to me of like, going back to Iran.

We don't have ties to anything. I don't talk about things politically. There isn't really something that I'm like, I'm kind of nervous or I, there's not a lot a type of work that I do where it's like, do I think the government in Iran might be like, you know, I dunno look into it or find it offensive or whatnot. Also here, I just, there isn't something that I thought that I would be doing that maybe the government here would have a problem with that I couldn't come back. And so I really had to look at like my situation and like I didn't see any red flags and then I started just planning like, okay, maybe I can, I had applied for global entry to be able to make kind of coming through the customs here easy. There's a similar program in Iran that makes entering the country there much easier.

So we paid for that. Um, and I did kind of the due diligence that I needed and I got the numbers for embassies and consults and stuff in case just to be safe. But I sort of realized like, okay, there's nothing that I felt was an imminent threat to me going. And I talk to a lot of my family that does go, okay. So I have a lot of cousins, friends, aunts, uncles who regularly and my regularly, I mean once a year travel to Iran and come back. And every time I've talked to them, every single person is like, there's nothing happening you can go. Don't worry about it. And when I talked to my family in Iran, they all kept saying too like, don't even worry about it. Come, there's tons of people. Like all of our friends keep coming and going. And so I felt good enough to be like, okay, there is some risk and it is a risk that I am willing to take.

And I'm so glad I did. I went and had the most incredible time. Um, I created the best memories with my children and my uh, parents and my in-laws. And I really think about when I was 18, the first time I was going back and I was very scared to go back because of everything that I heard in the news. I, I don't have any recollection of Iran. I left Iran when I was four, so I didn't remember anything of it. Um, I was going back alone. It was certain circumstances that required that not required me, but my parents wanted me to go back and nobody else could go with me. So I was going back by myself for the first time as an 18-year-old girl. Um, obviously I had a lot of family there that was gonna kind of take me in, like come pick me up and like have me there.

But I was so afraid that I remember the night before my trip, I was traveling, I was already in Europe. I called my parents bawling, being like, please don't make me go. And my dad had said very like, think like no one's making you. If you don't wanna go, don't go. But I'm telling you that all of these things that people are telling you is. There's no, there's nothing scary. There's nothing that's going to harm you. You're gonna be okay. Uh, if you don't wanna go and you're this scared, don't, but you're gonna miss out on a lot because you're letting like other people's fears stop you when they have no idea what's happening. Like none of them ever travel back because I kept hearing from people and the only ideas I had from Iran were also not the only, I mean I luckily I had my parents, but I saw all the news stories.

I saw how Iranians were portrayed. I had a lot of negative bias towards it. And I remember, I mean it was the night before I was already gonna go. I was like, I kind of had to suck it up. And I went and I had the greatest trip of my life. I started going back like every summer for the next like three summers I came and told all of my Persian friends. They all started going back. And it fundamentally shifted a lot in my life. It created relationships with my cousins that I would never have. There's some part of me, I can't explain this, that cannot be activated unless I'm in Iran. Like there's a part of me where even though it is not, it has never really been my home after I was four years old, there is a level at which I feel at home there that I cannot explain that I've never experienced anywhere else.

And so I say all that to say like I think back to how much I would've missed if I simply allowed other people's fears that isn't fully based in reality or like the whole truth to control what I do with my life. Now again, everyone's risk tolerance is different. I'm not saying that you have to go to Iran or that you should. Um, and I'm not saying there wasn't a risk for me to do that. It was just something that I was willing to do. 'cause I didn't think the risk was high enough, right? It was the same situation for me when I left the law or when I coached people on this stuff. It's like a lot of people had a lot of opinions that I look back now and their fears again, it's not to say they weren't true. Like could it be that I would regret it at someday?

Could it be that it might hurt my career chances? Maybe. But what I realized was like it was people that had never done it and it was people that would blow up this fear that they had into something that was way bigger than it actually was. And I see this with so many people where it's like as soon as you wanna do something, everybody else, well meaning they wanna protect you, they will jump in with every fear they have. What if you regret this? What if this ruins your um, resume? What if you can't get a job when you get back, blah, blah blah. And I don't know what the exact quote is. There's that quote where it's like, fear is um, a mile wide and an inch deep. I think for a lot of us, we look at fear and it looks like this big river, like this really hard thing to overcome.

And when you actually jump in, it's an inch. It's so minute. Like it's so much less than what we think it is. I've had this experience with every single person that has quit that's come and told me like, I thought I was jumping off a cliff and it turned out to be a curb. It really wasn't that scary. I did it, things worked out or I went back and got another job. It wasn't what I had made it in my head. And so I think if I can instill anything on in people, and this was just a reminder again with this trip, is that like everybody's so afraid of everything and everybody thinks it's gonna be the end of the world, it's gonna swallow us whole. And then you do it and you're like, oh, that wasn't that big of a deal. I figured it out.

I could figure this out. And so I want you to really get clear on like how are you letting other people's fears, um, really take over what you do for your life? And I want you to just look at the facts of it. Like r is what they're saying. Like let's say they say, you know, you shouldn't take a year off. I hear this all the time, like, I wanna take a year off, but people tell me it's gonna ruin my resume. Or like, employers aren't gonna like it. I mean maybe sure. I'm not saying it's not a possibility that some employer doesn't like it, but like look at the evidence of all the people that take a gap year or multiple years or take sabbaticals and come back and just live in a part of society, right? Clearly this is something that happens. So why wouldn't it be something that you could figure out?
You know? So I want you to like first think about that fear. The other thing that I talk about in depth, so I won't go into it totally 'cause I do an entire episode about this. I to be completely transparent, I don't know if it's already aired or if it's gonna air, but it's the episode about, um, our obsession with productivity, our addiction to it. And again, one of the things that I notice in this trip is every time I go to another country that isn't as based in capitalism as we are, you just see the stark difference in our obsession with productivity and how different it is in other places. Like I said in that episode, I go more in depth, but for me, I started realizing like how hard it was for me to even sit still, how hard it was for me to be in these um, you know, kind of community gatherings where everybody is just lounging for hours and hours and hours and nobody has this anxiety of like, oh my God, I should be doing more.

There was more I could do. Should we just be sitting here? And I noticed like within myself, like there's just this like flutter of like, okay, maybe we should wrap this up. Maybe we should. And I kept thinking like, where, where do I have to go? I don't have anything to do tomorrow. I don't have anything to do right now. Or it would be like there's a lot of, um, it's very big in the culture to like take a nap after lunch and this was just something that everyone did. And I would, I remember thinking like, how lovely is this that it's not some like stain on you as a person, like you're a lazy person. It's just like this is how human beings like, yeah, it's midday, your energy wanes. You had food, your body's digesting it, you sort of wanna lay down for a little bit.

That's a natural thing. That's do it. And then we'll get up and we'll go back to all the other stuff that we have to do. And so I do think that that one of the benefits of traveling is noticing how like for a lot of us, our thoughts, we think our thoughts are true, right? We believe our beliefs. Like we think like, oh, I should just be able to power through nine hours of work, right? And then you go somewhere else where those beliefs are not what everybody has and you'll see some of their beliefs that they think are true that you're like, this is wild. I cannot believe you think that this is okay. Right? So there was definitely that, don't get me wrong, I don't, I wanna just like, you know, um, say that we, like every country has this where you're like, this is really wild of you guys.
Um, but one of the things for me was just really re reiterating how crazy our obsession with productivity is and how crazy we have made ourselves in thinking that we need to constantly be doing even when we're on vacation. And for me it takes a little while, it takes a couple days and then I kind of ease into this like much slower life and I'm like, this is nice. What do we gotta do to take this back with us? And so it's a reminder for myself, you can listen to the other episode on productivity addiction and that will go more in depth into this concept, but it was just something that I noticed there. Um, the other thing that I will say is that it is wild to see the importance of community in other cultures. We talk a lot about it now in America and that's great.

And I think we are seeing like how individualistic this culture is. And again, I grew up in an Iranian American household and there is a lot of community. I grew up with a lot of community and yet it doesn't hold a candle to the amount of community that is in Iran. And every time I go there, I am blown away by what it means to be in community because people, the amount that they are willing to go out of their way for each other is mind blowing. Just as an example, for instance, like where we were staying in Iran, Tehran has a lot of traffic. So driving places in Tehran is not an easy thing to do. And it often takes a long time to get from one side of the city to the other. And there's, you know, Tehran's population, I think the entire, if you look at like the outskirts and stuff, it's like 80 million.

But I think within Tehran it's like 40 million or something. I don't know. It lots, lots and lots of people. It is, it takes an hour at least to get anywhere. Um, and oftentimes we were very far from where a lot of our family was. And so it would take an hour sometimes in traffic, it would take up to a like an hour and a half, two hours. And I would feel so guilty 'cause they would keep getting up to come see us. And I'd be like, why are you driving this far just to come hang out with us for a little bit? Like, we'll see you on, you know, like their day off. Like we had a plan, but they would be like, no, no, you're in town for this only two weeks. Like, we're coming every day. We're gonna come pick you up and take you out.

And I just, it honestly made me uncomfortable because I'm not, we're not used to this level of sort of sacrifice. I mean obviously they were getting joy out of it too. Like they, they were like, we want to, we wanna see you guys. But part of it was like, well you are like, it is sort of our, uh, duty to show you a good time to spend time with you. You came all this way and so we are going to keep doing this. And there was just, there was no complaint about it. There was no like, well I have work and so I can't do it. Or, you know, the kids have school. It was just this weird, this strange like it's just a given. Like they would come with their kids, like they would stay super late. And I'm like, don't your kids have school tomorrow?

And I was like, yeah. So they'll get up and go to school, they'll be a little bit tired. And it was just, I just kept being like, this is so interesting. It's just so, it's a lot, it is a lot to expect of people, but they all give it like, help each other in ways that I just think is so foreign to us. Um, it was like as soon as somebody got sick, you know, somebody else is driving an hour and a half to give them medicine that they couldn't, you know, it was just this like level of how much they have each other, like each other's back or how much they help each other. And um, I've noticed that like, honestly it was one of the things I fell in love with Iran when I went back the first time you hear about it.
Like if you ever watch like tourist um, videos of Iran, one of the things that people will all say, like Anthony Bourdain went and you watch all these other like, um, non Iranians go back and the number one thing they say is like, oh, Iranian people are the most hospitable. And you know, they give examples of like, they will literally just invite you to their house, like off the street if they don't know you. And it sounds like gimmicky, but it just truly is how they are. And so it's very strange when you come from another culture that's not like that. Like it almost makes you feel uncomfortable. 'cause they will give you the, when I say they will give you the shirt on the back one, one of the hard things when you're around's, like you can't compliment people because if you do, they will give it to you.

Like if I say you have really nice earrings, they will like fight me. Like take it off and be like, here, there, take 'em. And I'm like, no, I . I I was just saying that I liked them. Um, I had this same experience. I like complimented one of, uh, our, my husband's cousins on her shirt and she literally went out and bought me that shirt and brought it and I was like, I wasn't even saying that I like it for me, I just thought it was a nice shirt. But it's this like overwhelming way of like giving and receiving and loving and showing your love for people with your time, with your energy, with your money. Um, it is a very collective, we like whatever I have is yours and whatever you have is mine and whatever I need, I can ask from you and whatever you need, you can ask from me.

And it is such a beautiful way to live. It is hard. It's not easy. Like it is definitely hard because you have to sacrifice so much of the self. And so I don't in any way mean to say that that is the ideal way to live. I think that oftentimes it can put a lot of pressure on you to, um, show up in a certain way when it's really hard on you, maybe individually. But there is such a sense of like a safety net of people that have you, of people to rely on, on peop of not doing this life alone that I think is really missing in America. And um, it was just really interesting to see and every time I go back I'm reminded and I always think about like, God, I gotta do better even with my community and I spend a lot of time with my community, with my family, with my cousins, but I realize where I sort of pull back or where I fall short or where I, I'm like, oh, it's too much work.

And I really saw the importance of like, um, investing in those relationships as much as you can. And so that was the other thing that I thought was really fascinating. The last thing I will say is with any trip and with a lot of the work that I do here, you know, that if you've been around here a lot a while, that the concept I talk a lot about is that everything in life is 50 50, everything. Um, nothing is like rainbows and butterflies. It's the best, it's the most amazing. When I went on this trip, I knew that it was gonna be 50 50 and I think that that was why I end up enjoying the things that I do so much. Um, I end up, um, learning so much I end up taking the good from it is because I don't expect it to be a hundred percent good.

I think when we have that expectation, oftentimes like the reason we are disappointed is because we thought everything should be wonderful, right? Um, and so I will say this like it was a fantastic unbelievable trip that I got to go on. It helped me create certain memories that will last my entire life. It was absolutely, um, better than I could have imagined. And 50% of it was horrible. . Like if we're just gonna be honest about it, traveling with kids is not easy. Uh, traveling with kids somewhere as far as Iran, it was about like a 24 hour travel day flight. Like layovers, all that stuff, um, is really difficult with kids to do that. It is really difficult for kids to adjust to a new time zone of jet lag, especially when you're then surrounded by like tens of uh, you know, dozens and dozens of family all the time where they sort of have to not perform but like be around a lot of people.

And so there was a lot of learning in that, in letting it be bad, letting it be like, yeah, it's tough. This isn't a vacation where we're coming just to like Sightsee and rest. Like we're coming for a specific reason of building these kind of relationships with our families and having our children see it. And that is going to come at the expense of comfort and some other things. And I will say, like I, again, I think that I was able to see the good in it because I didn't add on a lot of the, you know, they should be more grateful. Why can't they get it together? This is so hard. Why did we do this? Um, this is fun because X, y and z. It was like, yeah, this part is hard. This is the part where it's hard and this is all the other part where it's amazing and it's incredible and you're never gonna have one without the other.

And so I think for me, like that was just the lesson again, with any vacation I see this like even if you're going on, you know, a short trip for the weekend or you're going to um, you know, a beach vacation where it's supposed to be lovely and you know, it's like maybe the weather doesn't cooperate or your kids are tired and they're throwing tantrums or you know, there's sand everywhere and it looks glamorous, but it's actually really kind of annoying when you go on these trips. Whatever it is, it's like all of that stuff is normal. It's never supposed to be like, oh, I'm in this like euphoria paradise where nothing ever goes wrong. And I think when you can sort of accept that 50 50, it just makes the experience so much better because you are open to the 50%. That's good. You're like, yeah, here comes the parts that are annoying.

You know, my sleep's gonna be bad for a little while. I'm gonna be tired because I'm gonna have jet lag. That's hard. And there's all these beautiful things. And so I say that only like to relate to you as you're going through whatever it is. Even if it's something that's supposed to be fun, like a vacation, it's still gonna be 50 50. And that was the same thing. And I mean you can apply that to what I was just talking about. Even community, like I already sort of understand this. I don't wanna romanticize how they live in Iran. Like, oh, that community is, it's not the best thing. It's really beautiful and also really hard, right? There's also 50% of it that like being in community is not easy and it requires a lot of work and it requires a lot from you and it requires a lot of sacrifice.

And so there is the 50 50 on all of it, there's the 50 50 of living in an individualistic society. It's really great because you do get to focus on yourself and you do get to figure out what you want and you do get to live for yourself and you don't really have the com community aspect that's part of life. And so just a reminder for me that I learned on this trip again. And so I figured I'd pass it along. Those are all my, um, learnings, all my takeaways from this incredible two and a half week vacation I got to take with my parents, my in-laws, my kids. Um, if you wanna look, I have like a little reel on Instagram that gives you kind of a highlight of everything that we did in Iran, some of the dancing, some of the food. It was really cool. So you can go check that out there. Um, and otherwise I will be back with another episode next week.