Hello my friends and welcome to another episode. I'm so excited to have you here. Today is a topic that I harp on all the time. If you are in my group, if you are in the Quitter Club or if you've been in any of my groups, you know that this is something that I rant and rave about and it's something that I wanted to bring up again because I noticed it again on my recent trip to Iran. I noticed, even though I do this work so much and I've been doing this work for years, I noticed how much I was still stuck in this cycle. And so I wanna talk to you about the addiction that we all have to productivity and how harmful it is and how important it is to really become aware and rewire it. Because this is why most of us can't relax.

This is why most of us are so burned out, okay? The reason we are burned out is not just because we are overworking. For some of us, that is the case too. You are just working too many hours, and we're gonna talk about that, that's part of this productivity. And for so many other people, even if you're not, even if you have, you know, 40 hour work week, maybe less 30 hours, you work kind of a normal job. You're not doing manual labor or you're kind of like, you know, eight to four, nine to five, whatever, and like, and you're still so exhausted all the time. It's because of this. It's, I I am certain of it because I coach so many people and I see it in myself. For so many of us, we are, it is ingrained in us to feel guilty when we are resting.
And so we don't, and we pile on more and our to-do lists become longer. And that all of the things that we think we have to do become more and more. And, um, it ends up ruining our life. And so it's something that every single person that if you're listening in America, or even if you're just in a another country that is sort of takes on the same culture, whether it's um, capitalism, whether it's certain most religions, um, whether it's steeped in patriarchy, you're likely suffering from the same thing. And so I can't emphasize how important it is to learn how to curb this addiction to productivity. Okay? And a really quick way to kind of figure out if you have this issue, which you do, I can just guarantee you that you do. But if you wanna, you don't wanna take my word for it.
I just want you to think about what happens when you rest. Like what does your brain do if it's like a Saturday afternoon and you have nothing to do, or like, you know, you don't need to work or whatnot and you wanna lay down and take a nap? Or let's say like, we're not gonna talk about scrolling our phone 'cause there's a different addiction issue there, but let's say you just wanna lay down and do nothing, right? How long are you quote unquote, allowed to do that without your brain ramping up with don't be so lazy, get up. We have so much to do, we could spend this time organizing, you know, the closet doing laundry. We, we need to go to the grocery store and like bringing up the laundry list of things that all of us have to do. How long are you allowed to rest before that happens?
For most of us, it's like no time at all. As soon as you try to do nothing, your brain jumps in with that, right? And for some of you, maybe it'll be, you'll get a little bit of rest. Maybe you've worked your way up to understanding that you, you know, deserve as much as like 10 minutes of rest, 30 minutes. But then at some point it kicks in and I, I want you to like understand that that voice is not your voice and it was put in there and it is really imperative to kind of rewire and rethink your role as a human. And what are all the things that you want need to do? Okay, so here's the thing. First, I want you to realize like it's not a you problem. I think the biggest thing is that we think like, I'm just lazy.
I procrastinate. I don't use my time wisely. I should get more done in a day. If those sound like you, um, it is not you. Those are all thoughts that again, have been put into your brain and programmed into you by society, a society that is obsessed with productivity hacks and squeezing out the most out of every day and making sure that you, you know, I dunno, get a million things done in order to feel good about yourself. And it's just, um, not a natural way to live. It is not the way that anything in nature is, right? It is a society that was created. And in our society, if you look at our culture, like I just mentioned a couple things, anywhere you look at it, there is this message that being productive, it equals good quote unquote good, right? Being productive is the best thing you can be.
So whether that's capitalism, of course capitalism benefits from productivity because the more we produce, the more it can make money, it can sell, it can create value for the company or whatnot for whoever's for the free market. And that makes it valuable. And so from a capitalistic perspective, we are ingrained like obviously part of their, uh, the objective is to get people to be as productive as possible, right? Without concern about human limitation or, you know, um, again, what is natural? It's just like hard work and productivity equals good is the best. We wanna encourage that. And so we have learned, because it has created all this messaging around people that are extremely hard workers or people that, you know, the, the people that have the most output or accomplished the most at the youngest age. All of these things, right? We see a lot of like, uh, messaging around how successful it or important people are that create these massive amounts of value that work the hardest that you look.
We love underdog stories of people that, you know, grit and, um, use all their waking hours to kind of like create this wealth, whatever that is, whether that's in money or other things. But we sort of get ingrained that like this is the most important thing, right? You also get it from religion. Like I was just saying, um, you know, for, uh, I'm in America, I was raised in America and it's a very, like, it is very heavily steeped in kind of the puritan work ethic, right? It's very much like a hard work is equal to godliness. And you hear all of these things like, um, idle hands are the devil's playground, right? All of these things from religion, that sort of, again, because religion is also a tool in which you control people. And so if you want a population that is hardworking, the easiest way to do that is say that that is what God favors, right?
Is that people that are working hard. And if you are humble and you don't, I don't know, make too much noise and you just do put your head down and you work, then you're kind of the closest thing to God. And so we get very steeped in this, uh, culture of the harder you work, the better you are, the more holy you are. Like truly, it's, it's almost as if like, um, you are, it's beyond just like your human realm, but like that your soul is somehow better because you work hard. Um, add on to that, the patriarchy, , patri, good old patriarchy is always at work as well, but the patriarchy really screws everybody. If you think about it, like men under the patriarchy are the quote unquote breadwinners. And so there is messaging for men that like your value comes in how much you make.
And that typically in capitalism comes with like how much you work. And so there's a lot of, um, messaging about like working harder. So it's like you might have your job and you should also have a side hustle. You should come home and you know, do that business. You should be making more, you should have more. You should give, you should be able to provide more. And so there's a lot of like your worth is in how much you can do and how much you can give. Um, for women, it's just as bad. If not, it's probably worse. Where women's only worth is really under the patriarchy is in how much value they can provide to other people. So it's really like, what can you do as a daughter, as a wife, as a mother. And so the value becomes in how much you can give and that requires your labor, right?
So whether that is in cooking and cleaning and you know, making sure you raise the kids and make the organic muffins and do all of this stuff. And also be like the best daughter and be the best friend and do all this. And so for a lot of us, we're running on this hamster wheel of like, I can feel good about myself if I just do more, if I give more, if I just continue to give to everybody around me. And you can see so many, especially women kind of run themselves ragged, um, and really get to this point of exhaustion, especially if they are mothers because there's just this, um, almost this martyr dim that comes with like, can you give away everything that you have? Like god forbid, don't ever be selfish and keep stuff and rest and be quote unquote lazy. Like you need to constantly do, do do for everybody else.
Um, you know, if you look at school from when you're a young age, like the thing that is praised, the thing that is constantly instilled is hard work. And, um, really ignoring your own biological needs, right? And ignoring what may be natural for children at that age, or for humans in general. And requiring like focus for a lot of hours requiring you to, um, stick to certain schedules. It is sort of preparing you for the workforce and it's preparing you for being a part of this capitalistic system. Um, and so for a lot of us, we get that message from all over. It's not like one place. You get it from school, you get it from your teachers, uh, you got it from your parents, you get it from your religion, you get it from the patriarchy. You see it in movies. You now, I mean, you see it all over social media.
So there's this like obsession with like, who can be the most productive? And so there's all these productivity hacks and there's people, you see all these people on social media where it's like you start getting up at four in the morning and you have to work out. And you know, it's like if you look at the laundry list of all the to-dos we have, there's, it's never ending. Like if you ever have extra time, it's like, well, I should work out then, or I should clean the house. Or like, everything has to be, require some kind of work from you. And I think that is why so many of us are just so exhausted because it, what is required to be quote unquote good is humanly impossible. Like the amount that is required to not only like go and be productive at work and then come home and, you know, cook meals and clean the house and play with your kids and work out and create relationships and maintain those relationships and read books and educate yourself and you know, like it just is on and on and on.
And I think that for a lot of us, like I just want you to really understand that it isn't like a a you thing. And for so many of us, like adding another layer. I know the word trauma gets thrown around a lot. So I'm not saying in this like a traumatic response in the sense that, um, I don't wanna add to the discourse of like everybody thinking there's trauma. But I think that a lot of us think that there's like some, there's like a character flaw or there's something innately in me, but I want us to understand that like a lot of us, this is just a response to our environment. We develop a way to protect ourselves. We all have learned in some way, especially I think if you're like, you know, an immigrant, a first generation American, um, a woman, you sort of learn like if I'm useful then I'm safe.
If I'm useful to other people, then I can be safe here. Um, and so for a lot of us, like that protective mechanism did really help us throughout our lives and it really did help us create, um, sort of the lives that we have today. But it also let leads to an insane amount of burnout and exhaustion, which can lead to a lot of resentment and unfulfillment. And so you, you just wanna really be aware of the fact that this stuff has been so ingrained so deeply that even if we say like, well, you know, if I think luckily there is a counterculture to it now, and there is a lot more conversation about how insane our work kind of standards are, um, while you may say that it's one thing to intellectually understand something, it's another thing on an emotional level, like in your nervous system to get rid of the wiring that has been so deeply ingrained.
And why I was saying this is that I understand all this, I teach all this. And when I recently I've talked a lot a a bit about like how we recently went to Iran. Whenever I go to other countries, it becomes so easily, um, visible for me to see how deeply it's still ingrained in me because I have a very hard time sitting still in the sense of like, I don't know, I just feel like I constantly have to combat my own brain about like, we should be doing something I should have, I didn't do anything today, right? Even though like that's the point of vacation and I have to keep reminding myself, but when I'm there, it's like even for a lot of us, like if you go on vacation and you wanna make use of every single moment, you think like, oh, we have to go see all of the places, or I have to, you have a laundry list of things you need to do.
Like I have to read five books in order to kind of quote unquote make it worth it. Like that. That is this programming speaking up, right? Even vacation where like the point of vacation is to rest is to do nothing. When you try to make it productive, it's because you've been programmed to believe like there, that is the quote unquote best way. This is the best use of your time is to cram as much into it. It's to squeeze out every drop. Like it's such a capitalistic, um, ideology where it's like you have to squeeze out every last drop. Why? Why if you, again, if you look at nature, it's so, you know, antithetical to like everything that is in nature, everything in nature requires different seasons of rest, right? It, it is never like a, the capitalistic system is so, um, opposed to nature because it's, it requires constant growth, which is impossible, which is really cancerous.
Like cancers are constantly grow. That's pretty much it. Like everything else requires decay and restoration and hibernation and all of these other systems that allow things in nature to, um, rejuvenate to recharge. And I think that for a lot of us, we forget that we are humans and we forget that we are in nature and we, um, simply believe that we should somehow be robots. That we should somehow, like, one of the things that I hear the most when we I coach on like time management or whatnot, is so many people that they believe they should be able to use their time better. They should be able to concentrate more, they should be able to be more focused, they should get more done. And my question is always, who said who said why? Why should you be able to like, do you not have a human brain, right?
A human brain can only focus for a certain amount of times. I don't care if your boss thinks you should focus for eight hours. That's not the way the human brain works. So why is it that you think that you should be different, right? And what if like, this is how I work now I can figure out ways where I have to work with it. 'cause yes, I have to live in this society, but I don't have to beat myself up. I don't have to shame myself. I don't have to tell myself there's something wrong with me. I can look at like there's something wrong with this system and yes, I have to live within it. But what, like what are ways in which I can push against this? Like what are ways in which I don't have to also shame myself or add on to my to-do list or whatnot?
Um, and like I said, I mean when I was in Iran, it really soli, like I saw so many people, I'll give you an example. In Iran, a lot of like, uh, community and a lot of the culture is, a lot of the culture is being in community is being with people. So is like having people over for dinner or even you're going to a restaurant is like spending time with family, okay? Spending time together on like your days off or whatnot. And I'm used to it here where there isn't a lot, a lot of lollygagging. Like it's like, let's say even if we're going for coffee, if I'm gonna meet you somewhere for dinner, you know, I'm not saying that we don't, we can't spend some time there. Like you go, maybe you get appetizers and you get dinner and you get dessert, but then like when you're sort of done with the eating portion and you get up and you sort of, and you leave.
But if you go to a lot of other countries, it's not like that, right? Like you might have dinner and at a restaurant and that dinner typically takes five to six hours, okay? And it's just five to six hours of sitting and talking to each other. And this would happen very regularly in Iran. And I could just feel myself getting antsy. Like we would see everybody and we would sit down and I would like notice in my brain after maybe an hour, an hour and a half, it would be like, okay, oh, oh, we're still gonna, okay. Like, and I would be enjoying it, but then maybe by hour three I'm like, wait, you guys don't have to like go anywhere. Like should we get up? Like should we wrap this up already? And it was like nobody else seemed bothered and I would ask them.
And it was, what was so funny is that like, um, in Iran also a lot of, a lot of different cultures, like people stay up a lot later. So we would be out to dinner and um, I would keep being the one to be like, don't you guys have work tomorrow? 'cause like they weren't on vacation, you know, we were. And they'd be like, yeah. And I was like, uh, okay, uhhuh sure . I wouldn't say anything, but I was like thinking like, shouldn't you get back home? Don't you have to go to bed? Don't you have like a, your, you know, eight step skincare routine? Which obviously like a lot, you know, most people don't in other places. But it was just so interesting to me and I kept having to think like, I don't have work tomorrow. Why am I so antsy for everybody?
Why am I so like on edge about the fact that we're like an hour four of just, this is lovely, we're just talking, we're just hanging. Nobody's rushing us. The waiters aren't rushing us. Like people don't expect us to leave. Everybody just stays until like the restaurant apparently closes. Um, and it would happen even like, I remember one of the days we went, we all got together with a bunch of cousins. It was like 40 of us at a house and we went there for lunch and, but they'd set. So everyone was like, come spend the day together. So we had gone kind of with the understanding that it would be the whole day. But even still, like, I just saw myself being like, okay, like we had lunch and everybody was just kind of playing, like hanging out, having some tea, talking, playing games, whatnot.
And I would just start hearing this like voice of like, okay, like maybe we should wrap it up. Maybe we should go back. Like that was nice. It's been like, you know, a couple hours we've all hung out and then it was like they would bring out the next meal, you know, and it would be like, or like snack or whatnot. And then we got to dinner and I was like, are, do you guys have nothing to do? ? What's, what's happening here? But it was so fascinating for me to be like, why do I think that this is odd? Why do I think that it's so strange to not have anything to do for a day, but like, hang out with your cousins, right? Like, it's so foreign to how we live here. It's so different from what, like even when I get, and I am, I was raised in an Iranian household here and we get together a lot, but it's just never in this relaxed way.
Even when me and my cousins all get together here, it's like, yeah, we get together for a meal and then as soon as the meal's over, like somebody starts itching to leave, someone's like, well, I gotta go. Like, I still have to go grocery shopping and I gotta go do my laundry. And you know, the kids have school tomorrow and so there's just like this, you know, incessant need to like get other things done. And so like somebody starts breaking off and then the rest of us kind of get up too. Um, and I just realized like how much I was bringing that thinking in. And so it was really interesting for me to kind of sit back and be like, you have nowhere to go. You have nothing to do tomorrow. None of these people seem bothered, so why are you so bothered? Um, and so I say this like when you, I'm sure for many of you, when you've traveled to other places, you've noticed this too, where people really just like sort of sit in restaurants for hours and hours and there isn't this like capitalistic need to turn tables and like you have to get up and it's rude because somebody else needs to sit that so they can make more money.
It's just the way that we live here is so, um, focused on more, more, more always doing something else, right? Like whether it's more for the company, for like the restaurant, whether it's more for you, it's just like always kind of running on this hamster wheel. And um, and so I want you to just like sort of ask yourself, like really think about it. It's like how do I, how do I feel when I am resting? How do I feel when other, when things are kind of calm, how do I feel about not doing anything quote unquote productive? And part of this is really rewiring that because that rest, I mean I don't even wanna use the word like, is productive, the rest is key to like, I mean forget about like just enjoying your life. Like it is key for actual joy and pleasure, but it's also key for creativity and clarity and rejuvenation, right?
When you don't, when you have these periods of time where you aren't just thinking of the next to-do list where you have the, the ability to um, sort of slow down where to like create more energy. I always think about this like when people are like, when we have this need for, like, I have to deserve rest, right? I have to have been productive in order to like be okay with resting. I like to think of like electronics. It's like, could you imagine if like your iPhone, you're like, well it has to deserve being charged at night, right? It has to work really well during the day. It had to have like really given me some productive uses out of it. If it was just sitting idly by and I wasn't using it, then it cannot get charged, right? And when you think about it, obviously that's ridiculous.
Um, but that's the thing is like your body, whether you want it or not, needs rest. Like it, like other animals, doesn't matter if you do anything or not, it never needs to be earned. And I think back and, and now it's like a lot of studies have come out about how these notions that we have about sleep and stuff have been wrong. They've been, you know, based on like, uh, 40-year-old white man and it's like people's bodies are different now. They're kind of changing it where it's like, I've seen studies where it's like women need between, and like, I think before it was like eight hours, but they were saying like, a lot of women need between like seven and 10 hours depending on like what week in their menstrual cycle it is and all these other things. And I think for so many of us, we beat ourselves up of like, why do I need more sleep?
Or why do I need a nap? Whereas like, it is a very natural thing for your body to be tired in the middle of the day after you eat lunch, right? When it's digesting things. But we just have this idea of like, I should be able to go even though like people's energy levels are just different. People's hormone levels are different and yet we all expect ourselves to like fit in one mold that capitalism told us we need to fit in and how much we harm ourselves when we try to fit this thing that is not us, right? One of the examples, again, like I think about like phones, but I also think about when you think about animals, like I've done this, um, o often in our, uh, when I'm I coach people is like, I ask them to give me adjectives for how they would describe a lion, right?
And you, you know, you get like alpha and leader and strong and powerful and all these things. And the reality is like lions sleep for 20 hours a day. Like is a lion thinking like, I should just be more productive. I should be able to get more done in a day, right? Obviously not like it's so ludicrous because like that's just the way that its body was made and its body was intended and like that is what it needs and it still manages to live and do the things it needs to do. And so I think we just all really need to sh rewire how we think about humans and what our bodies need and rest and the joy that it brings and how much, you know, um, room it will create for connection and creativity and, um, all of these other things that so many of us are missing because we are trying to be productive all the time. So here is my recommendation for you. If you want to, um,
Start changing this, it's not gonna be easy. I'm telling you, I've been doing this work and I still find myself like my brain wanting to get me to be like, get up all the time and I, I combat it. But the first step is really redefining productivity. So all these things, like, again, it's one thing to intellectually understand it, but you do need to intellectual intellectually understand it. So you do need to like really show yourself that rest is important, right? It, and that it doesn't need to be earned. That it's not something that like if one day you're less productive, that means you deserve restless. It doesn't work like that. Like you deserve rest every single day because you are a human being and human beings need rest, right? And so you have to really think about, um, productivity in a different way. You have to really understand the limits of the human mind and the human energy levels and the human body and how much you need to, um, incorporate rest and idleness and doing nothing and whatever we call laziness into your actual life, okay?
It has to start there. It has to start with that awareness. Otherwise, you're gonna think that what everybody's telling you about how productive you have to be online is actually true. And so you have to really like start finding those beliefs, looking for the evidence of why it is important to rest, why it is so crucial for you to have time to do nothing, right? So that you can, um, use those beliefs to then ch rewire the thoughts that you have. The second thing is you can start with micro steps like actually resting, um, isn't going to feel good when you have programmed yourself to believe that the only way that you can feel worthy is if you're productive. So in the beginning, rest feels like. I think a lot of us think like, well I wanna take a nap and that's gonna feel great.
But the reality is, is that you are gonna have to battle your brain. So you're gonna go and you're gonna go lay down on that Saturday 'cause you decided that you need rest. And that's wonderful. But then you're gonna lay down and your brain is gonna be telling you like, oh God, get up. We have so much to do, we don't have the time for this. You know, our daughter's birthday is next week and we were supposed to start on the presentation for, um, this big client on Monday, and I have to go grocery shopping and I have all this other stuff, right? And so it's going to, it's going to be nonstop and you're gonna feel terrible at first doing it. You're gonna sleep and you're gonna feel guilty and you're gonna beat yourself up. And part of that is just knowing that that's gonna happen and observing it.
Like here I go, of course I think that I'm being lazy, of course I'm telling myself all these terrible things because this is what I have been taught and I'm unlearning that, right? And so you have to sort of expect that. So I think a lot of times like we go to rest and then it feels terrible. So we think like, no, no, no, I just need to get all this stuff done. And we have this belief of like, I'll just rest when I'll be able to rest when, but you will never be able to rest because you never give yourself that time, right? Um, you, you will never get over these thoughts because every time you go to do it, it's going to, you're gonna have to address this. So I want you to like, you can start with micro things. You can start with like, okay, I'm gonna take 10 minutes to lay down.
I'm gonna take 10 minutes without, with doing nothing. Just sitting on the couch and not scrolling my phone, not doing anything else, and be okay with it, right? And your brain is still gonna battle you and you're gonna practice, you're gonna practice the thoughts that you want to think. And so the thoughts are gonna be like, of course I feel guilty, right? How human of me to need to rest a little bit. How human of me to need to lie down in the middle of the day. You're gonna wanna practice things that are gonna make it so, um, normal and accepted and basic to want these things. You can also have thoughts of like, this is where I'm unlearning all of the programming that has ran me ragged my whole life. Like, this is where I get to, you know, of course it's hard, but this is where I reprogram my brain to stop this madness.
Like whatever the thought is for yourself. You just wanna have a couple thoughts where it's like, whether it's like I deserve rest or I wanna a life that has rest. And if I want a life that has rest, then I have to practice it or rest is gonna be hard because I haven't practiced practiced it without guilt yet. Whatever that thought is for you, I just want you to find a couple of thoughts that you believe that you are going to keep practicing in order to, um, retrain your brain to be okay when you are resting. Okay? And then the final step is that I want you to start scheduling in your rest in the beginning. Um, I think for a lot of us, like when, if you look at your todo list or you look at your schedule, oftentimes you'll schedule everything else. And the problem is, is that you don't leave any room for rest, which is why so many of us procrastinate is that like we're so exhausted that our brain will just take the time that it needs to kind of recuperate a little bit.
And so you wanna start building that in a little bit. You wanna like schedule in your lunch break if you wanna take that time and not do me emails and like give your brain a rest. Put that on your calendar, right? Put in 30 minute nap break. If you work from home, put in whatever it is at night, let's say like from six to seven, it's gonna be zoning out on the couch and I'm gonna like schedule that in so that my brain, you're, you're almost like trying to, um, override the part of your brain that's going to make you feel guilty. 'cause you're gonna sit on the couch from, you know, six to eight and try to veg out and your brain's gonna say like, get up. We should go work out. We should go do this. And you're gonna be like, Nope, this is on the schedule.

This is my veg time. Right? Sometimes it helps you bypass that, um, guilt. And so you're gonna want to start prioritizing this. It is so key to living a life that you want to living a ha a healthy, happy life where you actually get to enjoy things without constantly needing that. You have to like thinking that you need to prove your worth through productivity. It isn't an addiction that we have all unfortunately been instilled with, but it is up to us like nobody else is gonna stop that for you. You are going to keep running yourself into the ground unless you learn how to do this. And so, um, just start with a small step. Start with five minutes, schedule it in, practice those thoughts and come tell me how it works. Let me know if you start trying to like take some rest, um, and you have some wins, come find me on Instagram. Send me a DM I love. I I honestly love nothing more than hearing about how people are fighting the whole hustle, culture, productivity craze, and taking back some of their lives. I hope you all have a wonderful nap or some kind of rest today. I know I will after this, I promise you. Um, and I will see you next week for another episode.