The Secret to Living a Life You Want
Ep. 252
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The secret to living a life you want

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In this episode on Lessons from a Quitter we talk about vulnerability and how the ability to show vulnerability can be hindered by fear. Over time we develop fears about what others will think, fear of being judged, fear of being seen as imperfect. This fear often prevents people from fully showing up and being themselves.

We have been conditioned to believe that we should only show up if we are perfect, which is unobtainable, so we are constantly hiding half of ourselves. We need to understand that we are human beings and we are going to be 50% good and 50% bad. We need to learn to embrace our imperfections and not be afraid to show our vulnerable side. Vulnerability is the key to true connection with others. We have been taught to hide our negative emotions or struggles, but this only creates a group of people who are putting on an act. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable we create deeper connections and can live a more authentic life.

Show Transcript
Hey, welcome to Lessons from a Quitter, where we believe that it is never too late to start over. No matter how much time or energy you've spent getting to where you are. If ultimately you are unfulfilled, then it is time to get out. Join me each week for both inspiration and actionable tips so that we can get you on the road to your dreams. Hello my friends. Welcome to another episode. I am so excited you are here. How are you all? I'm doing well. I will give you guys an update on the business soon. I have, we're now well into q2. I spent Q1 doing a lot of backend stuff. I hired an amazing team member, Michelle, shout out to Michelle. She is doing incredible things behind the scenes. She is organizing the mess that I make and I love her for it. So we have been onboarding her creating systems and now I'm focusing more on marketing and selling and delivery.
I'm making a lot of changes. I've been watching how people interact in the club and what they're getting out of it and where they're getting stuck and what seems like it's overwhelming and I'm constantly tinkering. I'm constantly like, how can I make this better? How can I deliver it better? How can I get them to get results faster? And so we're making some changes. I'm gonna work on that this quarter. And this just goes back to the idea that I constantly try to stress where it's like everything doesn't have to happen all at once. You can focus on one goal at a time. Um, it truly has changed everything. I think slowing myself down to realize I don't have to have a perfect membership and be perfect at all aspects of my business in the first three months. I can kind of grow it and tweak it and change it.
So that's what I've been working on. And speaking of that is like a little sneak peek. We are gonna open up doors to a live challenge that we're gonna do and I'm so excited for it. I'll give you guys more details in the coming week. So make sure that you are tuning in so you can sign up when that comes out. The challenge will be towards the end of May and it's like the first time I've done a live challenge in years I've been doing webinars and I really wanted a way where I can work with you guys, like have you doing things each day and coming back and getting coaching and getting some results and changing things for yourself even if you're not in the club. So I'm so excited about it. I'm putting the final touches on it. The reason I'm, I'm being a little cryptic is I haven't actually named it yet.
I'm trying to figure out what it's gonna be called, what we're gonna work on in those couple of days. But just know that it is coming. So make sure you're tuning in so that you get the link and you sign up and you join me and you join me live. So you actually get transformations. Like I don't want this to be another thing where you just listen to me drone on and on. You get the podcast for that. You can listen to me talk all the time. I want you to actually take action and I want you to implement things in your life. So we're gonna be doing that challenge at the end of May. We're gonna be implementing a new thing in the club after that. Anyways, I'm very excited. There's a lot going on and we're just slowly building it, which is exciting and terrifying all at the same time, which is actually what I sort of wanna talk about today.
This is gonna be a semi rant because I tried to to outline this and I was like, I'm gonna go all over the place. So we're just gonna talk about an issue that I see all the time and I've been sort of connecting uh, the dots a little bit. And it's what I see stop people from being able to create the life they love, create a life that is exciting to them, uh, experiment, try new things, get help, get coaching, resolve whatever issues they are. All of it I've been noticing comes back to, you know, I'm, I wouldn't say one issue, there's a lot of things going on, but this is a thing that I see all the time. And one of the reasons I was noticing it is like I was noticing it in my membership, the Quitter Club, in that so many people join and want help and are struggling with the thing that I help them with.
And they know that they can get the help there, but then they join and they're too scared for whatever reason. And we'll talk about the reasons to actually get help, which means they won't get coaching. And I've talked to a number of people and this isn't in any way calling out anybody. This is very normal. And I know that if the people that I talk to, which is a good amount of people are the ones that are telling me, there's way more people that aren't telling me. And there's way more people that aren't even joining the club because they have these same thoughts. And so that's why I wanted to address it. I see people allow this fear and it's a lot of fears. Fears of what other people are gonna think. Fears of. What if someone sees a coaching call later on? What if their boss joins the program?
You know, like all of the, it's amazing the what ifs that we create. What if down the line, someone from my family, like I just want you to think about the possibility of these things actually happening. But I, I'll give it to people like it's the fear of these are on coaching calls and I don't know who's watching and I don't know if they're gonna see it and I don't know if it's gonna potentially hurt them or I don't know if they're gonna judge me or whatever. It's, and it seems so real and it is, it is a very real fear. But the reason it's a real fear, and this is where we're gonna come back to this episode, the reason, the same reason that people are afraid to come and show themselves and talk about their problems and get help is the same reason people don't start a new hobby or start a new business or start a new side hustle or try out for that um, position they want or ask for the promotion.
It's the reason why so many of us are constantly one foot in, one foot out in all of our lives. It's because we have been taught to believe that we can only show up if we are perfect. We can only show the good parts of ourselves. We can only show what is deemed quote unquote appropriate or good or positive or whatnot. And so for so many of us, when we see the other side, that other 50% that we deem bad or embarrassing or whatever hurt or whatever, we have decided that that part of us is unacceptable or can't be shown or has to be hit away. And so we're constantly hiding half of ourselves. We're constantly hiding the part of ourselves that is scared, the part of ourselves that doesn't know the part of ourselves that, um, is gonna mess up, that isn't consistent, that is lazy, that is tired, that procrastinates, that um, is judgmental, that gets jealous, whatever, like the other parts of us that are human that we think, oh, I have to fix this before I can fully show up.
And what's fascinating when I've been seeing this in, in the club is that people are joining a program that is meant to solve a certain problem. Which means that everybody that joins that program also has that problem. Like you're raising your hand saying like, yes, I have this issue. I am unhappy in my career, I'm unhappy in this job. I don't know what I wanna do. I feel stuck. Like we're all saying yes, this is me. So you're in a group with other people that are also saying that. And yet for so many of us, we still can't let down the guard of, well, here is how I'm hurting. Here is where the problem is coming up for me because we're so scared that these other people who are also saying they have the same problems, what they might think, right? And again, this is completely normal because all of our lives for decades and decades from when we were children, we have been told to hide those parts of ourselves.
We have been told whether outwardly or you know, whether ex explicitly or implicitly, we have been told that other people can't handle that part or that part is unseemly or that there is something wrong with that part of you. So hide it. Okay? So we've been told right from when you're a kid, stop crying, be happy, right? Whenever there's negative emotion or whenever you're struggling with something, the message you got is that I can't handle those emotions. Whether it's from parents, teachers, you know, well-meaning friends, family, whoever was like, this is an issue. Why are you crying? We don't like this. These feelings. Hide it, bury it deep down. Do that alone when you're in the room, don't bring that out to us. You're gonna kill the vibe. And so we all learn, we all learn to hide. And all this does is create a bunch of people that are putting on an act.
We're all walking through this world acting like the hurt isn't there. We're just pretending because every single one of us, every single one of us, without fail, your boss, your mom, whoever you have created as like the villain in your story, whoever you think is the perfect person in your life, your sister or the, you know, head of your sorority or whoever was the star suit, whatever it is, whoever you think is just skating through life and doesn't have these problems, I assure you that they have 50% of their life as problems. That's how they perceive it is stress and it's frustration and it's fear and it's inadequacy and it's jealousy and it's all of these things. And yet all of us are acting as though we don't have that, right? I, I've talked about this. I think a lot of imposter syndrome is this is showing up.
The reason we feel imposter ish is because we have to put on this act of I know everything. You know, come to me if you're gonna, let's say as a lawyer or as a coach or as a a doctor, whatever, as a teacher. And I somehow am supposed to know all the answers. And then deep down we know that we don't know all the answers because no human does. Of course we don't know them. And then we think like I'm a fraud. Especially women, right? Women have been socialized to believe that we have to be perfect in order to even feel adequate. That we have to know the answers to everything. This is what we've been taught in school, right? All of this stuff builds upon each other. When you were in school and you were taught that like you needed to know all the answers and that it was possible to know all the answers that like, you know, this is a finite world.
Like this is what you're gonna be tested on this chapter that makes it possible. You can maybe memorize the whole chapter and then take the test. And then we got this mistaken belief that like life is somehow like that, that I can study enough or get enough degrees or work enough enough or be, you know, enough of a rockstar to know every single answer, to always know what's gonna happen, to know what's gonna come up. And that's just not possible. And so, so many of us just stop. We put this wall like I can't take that step over forward. I can't apply for that job. I can't put out that business. I can't start that hobby. I can't tell you how many people won't start something for fun because like what if I'm not good at it? Or you see like as soon as they started and they're not good at it, it's like that's a sign to give up instead of, of course I'm not good at it.
I just started this thing. Of course I'm gonna be terrible at it. Of course it's gonna be painful. Of course it's gonna be hard. That's the point of learning something new. Of course I'm not gonna know how to do it. And so I see this with why people are not even like starting the things that they wanna do. But I see it on a micro level when people even join the club and they're not even willing to get coaching to get help to do the things they wanna do because even that it's laughable. Like you don't think about this consciously, but it's laughable to think about that. It's like I have to be perfect in showing up for coaching, right? Like the whole point of getting coaching is that you're not perfect and you're struggling with something and it's like no, but in our mind we believe there's like a perfect way to show up in that.
Or there's a way that I can somehow show myself and not show my humanity, not show that I'm struggling, not show that I don't even know how to formulate this sentence. That it's all a jumble of words in my head and I have to somehow like present it in a way that other people won't think that I don't have my stuff together. And I think for so many of us, we don't even realize that we're putting on this armor. We don't realize that we're hiding, that we're carrying this weight around every day of just pretend you're perfect, pretend it's fine, pretend you're doing okay. Pretend that you know what you're doing. Pretend you have the answers. And when we do that, it's exhausting because we don't have the answers. We're not perfect. Part of what I really want people to learn in the club, part of what I want people to come for is not even to quote unquote fix those parts.
It's not to come to coaching so that you can learn how to, you know, become this perfect robot who doesn't ever have fear or doesn't ever procrastinate or doesn't ever, you know, get things wrong or make mistakes or forget dates or whatever. That's not the point. The point is to come and learn how to take up space. The point is to come and be your full self and allow yourself to be seen. The point is to be able to put that armor down for a little while and say like, this is me. This is what I'm struggling with and I need help. That is an act of revolution. That is an act of rebellion in this society, in this patriarchy, in capitalism, in white supremacy that is told us that you are only worth something if you are perfect. That is an act of self-acceptance of saying like, of course I don't have it all together and that's okay.
I was never meant to. I'm a human that is 50 50 good and bad. And of course there's the great parts and those are the easy parts to love. Those are the easy parts to put on for people. Those are the easy parts to show the world. But can I love the other 50? Can I be there and like hold myself through that? Even if I wanna change it, can I accept it? Like of course I'm going to be struggling with these things. I'm always going to be struggling with something. Can I not make that a problem and beat myself up as I talk to people about this and trying to coach them on getting coached in the club, I bring up the word vulnerability a lot cause that's what tends to be used in society. It's like you have to be vulnerable and it, and it does feel like you have to be vulnerable, right?
It does feel like when I'm taking off this armor, right, when we use that analogy that I am being exposed and I went to Google to look at the definition of vulnerability and it's the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed either physically or emotionally. Okay? And so we all think of this like, yes, I'm being vulnerable by sharing this because then someone else let's say could use this against me or somebody else could have thoughts about me or somebody else could make fun of me or whatever. And that in our brain, in our primitive brain seems as though that is a possibility of me being harmed, a possibility of me being attacked. And I used to think that way. I used to think that way for most of my life. I used to be a perfectionist for the vast majority of my life.
And it's fascinating for me now to watch it on the other side because a lot of people thank me for my vulnerability. A lot of people I get messages all the time. Cuz if you're in the club then you know that I'm constantly almost every coaching call also telling you about what I'm struggling with. I'm also talking about what's not working in my business or what my thoughts are about my business or what's going on in my life or how I yell at my kids or whatever. It's right. I'm constantly talking about the quote unquote shameful parts or the parts that we're not supposed to have or the parts that we're not supposed to talk about. And so I get a lot of messages from people that say, thank you for being so vulnerable, thank you for you know, your vulnerability and sharing these things.
And when I was looking up these definitions, it was funny because even when people give me that compliment, it always kind of takes me aback a little bit because I don't believe I'm being vulnerable. Like it doesn't feel vulnerable to me. And I kept thinking like that wasn't vulnerable. I was just, what me telling you that I yell at my kids? How is that vulnerable? And I truly couldn't understand it at first because I've done so much work on my own thoughts. And I realized that the, the reason it doesn't feel vulnerable to me is because I know that there's no possibility of me being harmed by that because I have worked on my own thoughts about myself. I want you to think about how you think you can be harmed by someone else based off the words or what you talk about. Let's say about yourself.
The only way that you're gonna be harmed is if they say some words, they judge you, they make comments or whatever and you allowed those words to harm you. And what I mean by that is that you accept those words, you take them as true that they trigger your own thoughts about yourself, your own insecurities. So if someone says, let's say you are such a mess and if you have the thought, yeah they're right, I am such a mess, that hurts, right? That can trigger the shame that we feel that can trigger the feelings of not good, good enoughness. But if I've worked enough on my own thoughts about me, if I don't feel shame or hurt because someone else thinks I'm a mess, if my thought is of course I'm like that I'm a human, of course I yell at my kids sometimes and I lose it because it's exhausting parenting, of course my business is half great and half a mess because I'm not born knowing how to do business.
Like when I am so rooted in my own thoughts about myself, it doesn't feel vulnerable to share those parts because I don't care what other people think. And I don't mean that in the sense of like, I never care. Of course I do. And I care about like what my clients think. Like if they're getting the results that they want, if the program is good enough, should I tweak this and that? Like I don't wanna harm people. Like am I putting things out that you know, maybe is being misconstrued, I care about all that. But what's no longer on the table for me is taking other people's thoughts about me onto myself. Like I have gotten so rooted in my own thoughts about me and this is after years of doing this work, this isn't like I just woke up and I was like, you know what?
I'm pretty awesome. I do think I'm very awesome at this point, but it's because I've consistently worked at this. I was one of the biggest proponents of hiding all of the parts that I thought were not good enough, that were shameful. And when I started accepting those parts, accepting that 50 50, accepting my whole self accepting like I am a fricking badass. I can do the most amazing things, I can accomplish so much, I am so loving and I'm such a mess, I'm so forgetful. I am very selfish a lot of times I am very self-absorbed often whatever it is, like all of those parts are just part of who I am. And like yes, I can work on things. I don't want to be as forgetful. I don't want to be as self-absorbed sometimes I wanna figure out how I can reign it in in certain ways, but it doesn't make me any less than, it doesn't make me hate myself anymore.
It doesn't make me think there's something wrong with me. It doesn't make me think that I need to change something. And when I can embrace that, that is when I can allow other people to also see my full humanity. That is how I can show up and take space and say like, yeah, this is me. I don't need to pretend I'm a perfect mom. I don't need to pretend that my business is completely dialed in and I'm the perfect c e o and I just know how to figure things out. I can stop pretending it is the most freeing, the most liberating thing for so many of you. You think that you need to change yourself in order to feel free, in order to feel love, in order to feel acceptance of yourself. You don't need to change. You simply need to accept what you have.
You simply need to accept that you're a human being that's gonna be 50 50 good and bad. You simply need to be like, of course this is me cuz I'm a human. Not only is it the most freeing thing and the most liberating thing and the easiest way to go through life, I realized like how hard it was to try to be perfect. How beyond draining, right? Like it's like how vigilant and on edge I had to be all the time to make sure nobody ever saw the kinks in my armor. Nobody ever saw the places where I was falling flat and I would get so triggered if someone pointed something else. This is when for so many of us who get super triggered by feedback or you know, quote unquote criticism, however you wanna look in it, this is the problem is because you think that oh no, somebody is noticing something about me that I have deemed bad or I have deemed not worthy or I don't want others to see that I've tried so hard to hide.
And so of course we become defensive when someone is noticing that or pointing that out to us instead of being able to listen and understand how am I those things? Yeah, where is that coming up? What is that part of me? Maybe that part just needs some love. Maybe that part just needs to be seen a little bit. Why do I do that? Why did I react like that? Good to know. Because here's the thing, the reason that so many of us have so much shame is because we're hiding these things. Shame only survives in the dark, right? When so many of us have told ourselves these parts of us are wrong, they should not be here, they're not good and we've been told for so long to hide them, then that creates this idea that there's something wrong with me for having that and that creates shame.
That this is a part that I can't let other people see cuz it's a bad part and I need to fix it before I can fill in the blank, before I can become successful, before I can be loved, before I can feel worthy, before I can be a human that interacts with other people before I can get coaching. Whatever the thought is, it's simply a false premise. You just have a a wrong belief that there is ever a time that that's gonna happen. That there's ever a time that you're not gonna have a quote unquote bad part to you. It's not going anywhere. I don't care how much self-development do, do not do personal development in order to try to root out your bad parts. Personal development is to accept the parts of you that you thought weren't acceptable. That's what it's for. And you can grow and you can change some things and you can figure out how is this working for me?
How is this not, how is this maybe not needed in my life anymore? But that doesn't mean that all of a sudden you're ever gonna become this perfect person. You're always gonna be a person with a human brain that always needs coaching, that always needs help and that's okay. And when you shine a light on that, the shame magically disappears. Honestly, this is one of the reasons I wanted to do a membership and this is one of the most profound parts of the membership and it's one of the reasons that I do the private podcast feed where I want people to listen to coaching call replays is because for so many of us these thoughts have only lived in our head. And so we believe that there's something wrong with us. And then when you hear other people express the same exact thoughts and the same exact feelings and when you hear me or someone else coach them as if it's very normal because it is and we're not like, oh my God, why do you have that thought?
It's like, of course you have that thought. We all have that thought. It is a magical like balm. It is the most healing medicine. And I say this because what changed my life was listening to other people be coached and realizing, oh my god, my thoughts are normal. It is normal to feel this way in this world. It is normal to have these thoughts about your boss. It is normal to get upset at your children. It's normal to buckle under the impossible standards that we've put on ourselves. It's normal to have trauma responses, it's normal to react in a way we don't wanna react. All of those things are normal. And when I can take off the shame, then I can start assessing like, why did I do that? Why am I acting like this? Why am I so scared? Where is this coming from?
I can do that from compassion. For so many of you, you can't even get to the root problem cuz there's so much shame around it. Like we have to like wade through the, you know, mud of shame of like, why am I like this? Why can't I be better? Why is my sister able to do this? Why is this person, everyone else has their lives together. It's just me. Like shame on top of shame, on top of shame. And then we never get to like, okay, but why do I get triggered? Why do I get so angry? Where's that anger coming from? Maybe the anger's not misplaced. Maybe I just haven't let it come up until now. Maybe I need to explore that anger. Maybe I just need to feel my feelings and not tell myself it's wrong to have negative feelings. And when I've seen in my own experience when I, beyond the fact that it's so much easier to live like this, it's so much less weight you're carrying around, it's so much less hiding.
You know, it's like the idea of like when you tell a lie, you have to keep a track of all those lies that you tell and it becomes really exhausting as opposed to just telling the truth. That's all this is. It's like at what point can we just put this armor down for a little while and just be honest with each other? Just be honest with our friends and with our family when we're struggling with things, even if it makes them uncomfortable, even if they haven't done this work and they want you to just put on a smile and be happy. When is it okay to be like, you know what? But I'm not happy today and that's okay, I'll be, you know, I'll get through it, but I don't need to put on a show for you to make you feel better. Like life can be so much easier when we stop having to put on that act.
And I've noticed even in business it is unbelievably connective. I, I'm just making up a word at this point, it it connects you with people. So many of us so desperately are searching for connection for families in our relationships, in our coworkers. And the reason we are so disconnected is because we're all hiding. I remember on one of my coaching calls when I had my small group program on like the first or second call. So we all hadn't really known each other. It was like about 20 people in the group. One of the people shout out to my student, Christina, who is amazing, raised her hand because she wanted coaching. And before I started coaching her, she said, I'm really sorry right now I'm really nervous. My heart is racing and I feel sweaty and my palms are sweating and it's really hard for like my voice is kind of shaking.
And she was apologizing for that. And what that did was instantly like allow a sigh of relief throughout the whole group. It instantly connected everybody in the group. It instantly let other people feel, seen it instantly let not only people relate to her and see her for her humanity, but also allowed them to feel okay too. Everybody started chiming in with, oh my god, thank God you say I feel the same exact way. That's why I'm not raising my hand. I feel exactly that same way. I'm not even raising my hand and my heartbeats raising, right? What happened in that moment of vulnerability in just sharing your truth was allowing other people to also feel seen. And I cannot tell you how many times I've experienced that now in doing this work where I just decided very early on it would be too difficult for me to try to act like I'm perfect in running this business.
It would be too difficult for me to try to act like I'm the coach that has all the answers and I know everything you should do and I'm always gonna get it right and it's always gonna be perfect. And I don't want people that expect that to be in my group because they're not gonna get that. And so I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna lay all my cards out. I'm gonna tell them how much I'm making. I'm gonna tell them like what I fail at. I'm gonna tell them all of my thoughts, how scared I am, how much I think it's not working, how much I think I'm messing this up where I struggle with. And it has connected me. Not only has it connected me with so many people, I, it has helped me grow my business. People work with me because of that.
It's not as though it's like, oh, you're not perfect so I'm gonna go find a coach that is, it's like, oh, thank God, thank you, thank you for talking about the fact that you struggle as a mother. Thank you for talking about the fact that you still four years in feel like you don't know what you're doing in your business or whatever it is that I say on a call. And I've noticed this in my life. Like I have put down this like perfectionist guard, it's funny, like my people pleasing, I've had a harder time dropping, but perfectionism I dropped so quick. And this is just a testament to like, yes, some things in coaching take a lot of time and some things just don't have to. So it's not that like everything has to take years and years. When I really started seeing the freedom of dropping my perfectionism, I dropped it with a quickness.
I was like, all right, we're done with that and I have really allowed that to flourish in all of my relationships. Like I don't try to be a perfect mom in my family with my in-laws, with my parents, with my, you know, friends. I'm constantly very open about where I'm messing up. You know, sometimes I feel like even that for me I gotta work on that is like a little bit like too much self-deprecation and using that as uh, you know, some kind of protective mechanism. But that's my own work to do. But I just think that like I really got to a place where I was like, I refuse to hide anymore. I refuse to do it. If I'm sad, I'm sad. If I'm upset today, I'm upset, that's okay. If I lose it on my kids, I can always repair, I can apologize to them, I can figure out how to do better, but I'm gonna stop making it mean that there's something wrong with me and I'm not doing it right or that I'm a bad mom.
When I was doing it with my business, I started very early on accepting that like I'm not gonna try to hide mistakes I make. I'm not gonna try to act like it didn't happen and cover it up and blame other people, which I've seen other people do. And I'm not calling you out. Like I get, there's a lot of entrepreneurs that like still have this idea that the only way to get customers are clients is to try to like show that you are the expert and you have everything together. And so I've seen people, what happens from that? The actions they take is like they'll throw their team members under the bus and they'll be like, oh, is this person this? Or like whatnot. Instead of just being like, yeah, totally messed that up. My bad, I'm gonna try to do better. How can I make this up?
How can I repair this? Like depending on what the mess up is or just like allowing yourself to move on. Like yeah, I sent out the wrong email. Or you know, right now actually it's funny because in these two days I'm dealing with the fact that the podcast hasn't been uploading to Apple podcast, which is where most people listen to my podcast. And so of course that instantly sends me into like panic and then I just like calmed myself down right after I heard that it hasn't been updating. And I was like, all right, guess we're gonna have to deal with this. Yeah, I responded to the people that let me know thank shout out to the people that let me know that that was happening. And I was just like, of course this is gonna happen. Of course there's gonna be almost in the road.
Of course I'm gonna mess things up and I'm not gonna update things on my website then it need to get updated or I'm not gonna, all right, I'm gonna try to do better next time. But right now it's okay, this is the problem, I'm gonna deal with it and I'm not gonna try to hide it. And I'm telling you all that it will not only transform your life in allowing you to show up as you are and like taking off that weight, but it will get people to connect with you better. It will get people to like you more. Like nobody likes perfect, nobody does. Like have you ever noticed that in movies sometimes, like they make the villain the perfect person, right? They make like the girl who's like the straight A student or whatever. It's like there's a reason that that character is unlikeable cuz nobody feels that way. Spoiler alert. So when you think it's just you, it's not, you're not that special. I'm kidding. You are very special, but not in this sense. We're all 50 50.
And so I want you to really think about this. I want you to think about what if I accepted all of me? How would that change even my idea of vulnerability? And you're not gonna get there overnight, okay? But it's simply how can I maybe show more of myself, my humanness and have my own back through that? What I mean by that is work on my own thoughts about me. So in the context of let's say getting coaching, you're right that like maybe if you show up to a coaching call and you ask about something to get coached, someone might have a thought about it. Like, we can't stop that. What I see people try to do is like try to solve for that issue. Like how could I show this part of me and make sure that nobody else ever judges? And so we don't either, we don't talk about things that are really bothering us and we sort of talk about things that we think are quote unquote tamer are like more acceptable or we just don't ask for anything because of course there's never gonna be a situation where we can control what other people think.
Now from my experience, again, most people what they end up thinking is, oh thank God this person is getting coached on this cuz I feel the same exact way. But let's just even go there and say that someone's gonna have a thought. You're gonna share whatever your thought is about your work or motherhood or marriage or whatever. And someone is going to think like, oh my god, what a mess. Why does she think that? What's wrong with this person? Let's say, okay, how are you gonna think about you? How do you wanna think about you? The more you work on that, the less what anyone else thinks will affect you. That's what it means to have your own back. And it doesn't mean to say like, oh I'm right, this is great and I'm so glad this is happening. It's simply that like, oh, I'm human.
Of course I feel this way. Of course I get triggered. Of course I lost my temper. Of course I feel depressed. Of course I have anxiety that's totally normal and I'm allowed to get help and I'm allowed to take up space and I'm allowed to show my full self. And if other people can't handle it, that's okay cuz I can handle it. I can handle me, and I'm no longer willing to hide. And I'm telling you guys, when you're able to do this is when you are able to have the life that you want. It's when you're able to create the life that you want. I've thought a lot about like what stops us from just allowing ourselves to be the curious creatures that we are. Human beings are curious by nature. And after childhood that gets kind of stamped out in our society, but it doesn't mean it goes away.
And I've talked to so many people that have all of these interests they wanna try. Like I said, even hobby is not like they wanna make it into a business. And I see so many people stop themselves from trying things, from doing things because like what if I fail? And what if I fail means what if I'm seen failing? We can fail at a lot of things on our own and we don't care. But again, it comes to this vulnerability of like, am I willing to not be the best at something? Am I willing to be bad? Am I willing to let people see that? Am I willing to let people think that I'm wishy-washy and I change my mind all the time and I'm all over the place and that I'm a mess and whatever, in order for me to have the life I want in order for me to have as full of a life, as creative, as a of a life, as exciting of a life, as adventurous of a life as I want?
Because other people are gonna think that and it what matters is what I think about it. What I think about like, yeah, I tried that and I didn't wanna do it anymore. Now I wanna change my mind. What am I gonna think about that? And so the secret to getting more out of your life, out of coaching, out of any experience is to show up fully as you are all of it. The good and bad, the 50 50 your whole self is to allow all of it to come for the ride is to stop trying to hide. Part of it is to stop telling yourself that part of it is bad or wrong. And just doing that, just taking up that space, just allowing yourself to be seen is an act of rebellion. My friends, go out there and be rebellious. Be your whole selves.
Be whole humans. I promise you that other humans will surprise you in how loving they are and you will free yourself to live the life you want. So I want you to come to the Quitter Club and work on this quote unquote vulnerability work on in a safe environment where everybody else has also raised their hands and said that they need help with the same things in a place that's so supportive that everybody constantly tells you how helpful it is and how much they need it, and everybody else is willing to put down that armor and show their whole selves and show the parts that are deemed bad by society. Start there and let it heal you. Let it heal the parts of you that you were told to hide so that you can show up in other spaces your full self as well. Your full self is beautiful, my friends, I promise you.
All right, I hope this was helpful and I'll be back next week with another episode. Hey, if you are looking for more in-depth help with your career, whether that's dealing with all of the stress, worry, and anxiety that's leading to burnout in your current career or figuring out what your dream career is and actually going after it, I want you to join me in the Quitter Club. It is where we quit what is no longer working like perfectionism, people pleasing, imposter syndrome. And we start working on what does and we start taking action towards the career and the life that you actually want.