Getting Rid Of That Inner Critic - Part 2
Ep. 223
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That inner critic you have that drones on and on every day about how bad you are at being a human is NOT your voice. It was put there by society – capitalism, religion, patriarchy, white supremacy, school, religion – in an attempt to control you. And it’s time we undo it. 

This is Part 2 of a 2-part series that will help you get rid of your inner critic. If you haven’t listened to Part 1, definitely start there because the first step is truly becoming aware of what it is and where it came from and that’s what I’ll cover in this episode.

Part 2 will start giving you the rest of the steps to move you from a harsh inner critic to unshakeable self-trust.

Show Transcript
Hey, welcome to Lessons From a Quitter where we believe that it is never too late to start over. No matter how much time or energy you spent getting to where you are, if ultimately you are unfulfilled, then it is time to get out. Join me each week for both inspiration and actionable tips so that we can get you on the road to your dreams.

Hello my friends. Welcome back to another episode. I'm so excited to have you here. We are continuing on with our two-part series on how to get rid of that inner critic. So if you haven't listened to part one, I would suggest going back and listening to that episode first because it's really difficult to accept that the voice is not yours because it sounds so much like your voice. It's the voice you've grown to know over decades and decades. The one that is the loudest, the one that is in your head all day long on repeat. And so it's easy to fall for the lies and the tricks that it plays on you that like it's actually telling the truth until you understand where it comes from, right? And so in part one, I talked in detail about all of the different forms of our culture that add to this voice. Be it capitalism that wants you to not trust yourself and keep working and push your body and become a robot. Consumerism, a part of capitalism that wants you to not trust your body so you buy diet plans and all the gadgets and everything else to make you better. Religion, who has a vested interest in controlling large populations, whether we believe in the actual core of the faith, organized religion tends to be one of the easiest political tools to control the masses. And so there is a vested interest in having you believe that you can't be trusted, that you are a sinner, that you have to listen to what other people tell you and other people know better. And that you can't trust your own desires, that everything you feel is sinful. And so one of the best ways of controlling people is through shame. And so if they get you to adopt that thought, that you're a shameful person, then it becomes a lot easier. They don't have to do anything. You do the work for them, right? There's schools and our families, no matter how well-meaning sent the message that you don't know what you want or what you need and that there's other people that will tell you the quote unquote right way of living. There's patriarchy and white supremacy that have showed us hierarchies in who is valuable and who is not and how you have to hustle your way to prove your worth. All of that combined creates this voice that has taught us that we are no good or we are not like to focus on where we're lacking, to focus on what is wrong, to focus on how we're bad. And so that's what we learned to do. And then you practice that thought day in and day out every single day for decades and decades and it starts becoming the loudest voice, that self-hatred, that inner critic. And I talk about it interchangeably as both an inner critic and not trusting yourself. They’re two sides of the same coin. One of the reasons you don't trust yourself is because you've told yourself over and over again that you’re too lazy or too dumb or too awkward or not good enough in whatever way that voice manifests for you. And when you've told yourself that, when you've convinced yourself, yeah, I'm just not good enough in this way, then it becomes easier to think I can't trust myself. I have to trust what other people tell me. I don't know what I want. Everybody else, what they tell me I should be doing is the right thing. And so the inner critic is your thoughts but what it leads to is a lot of doubting, ruminating, not making decisions, not being able to stand up for yourself or go after what you want. And so when I talk about it, I think in the last part I talked a lot about not trusting yourself. It's the same thing. When you can get rid of that inner critic, doing the work to get rid of that voice is what will help you learn how to trust yourself. So I'm going to talk about it interchangeably kind of on this episode as well. But doing the work to get rid of it is the same thing as doing the work to trust yourself, right? Doing the work to decide that what you know yourself best and that you can listen to that inner knowing and you can let that voice grow is what will help replace that inner critic that likes to bully you and likes to take over everything. So just as a note, if I kind of talk about it in different ways. So if you haven't listened to that episode, I suggest you starting there. But now I wanna go into like how do we actually get rid of it. Okay, now we're aware of it. How do we get rid of it? And before I tell you how you're gonna do that, I wanna deal with some of the thoughts that are gonna come up, some of the objections that I get most of the time when I teach people these types of concepts and one of them is well, we can't all just think about ourselves all the time, right? We can't all just go around doing whatever it is that we want. We can't all just trust ourselves. Like if I just wanna be lazy or if I just wanna you know rest, if everybody did that, then nothing in our society would get done. And that's just classic all or nothing thinking, right? There is an ocean of possibility between truly being cruel to yourself and never listening to yourself and always ignoring other people and only doing what you want. And, you know, people are afraid that they're gonna become some like selfish person that doesn't care about anybody else and that is just not true. So part of this is understanding that we're not trying to like completely change everything in your head overnight. We're not trying to like make you become, well, I am trying to make you become the most loving version of yourself, but part of doing that is understanding that it's baby steps, right? So let's just like get on the road to this. Another aspect of that objection though that I don't think people understand is that like people think that if I'm nice to myself then I won't get anything done. I'll just lay around and rest all day. And I want you to know that that's just not true. I've done more since I've become kind to myself than I ever did by hating on myself. Because there's a very different thing of saying I'm gonna hold off on pleasure so I can take care of the things that I wanna take care of that are in my best interest right now, right? Like so maybe I have something on my schedule and I would rather lay down, right? And there's a difference from me saying you know what, I'm not gonna lay down because I really want to set up this new membership and I really want to help people with this podcast episode so I'm gonna do that. Rather than see I'm so lazy. I never wanna do work. I'm bad for wanting this pleasure. I can't be trusted. I have to force myself to keep working. I have to constantly say terrible things to myself, right? I don't actually care in how much pleasure you engage in or what actions you take. I care about the reasons why you're doing it and how you are engaging in them, right? So you can be a very productive quote unquote action driven person. You can really want to build things. You can have a lot of ambition. I'm all for it. I want it to come from a healthy place though, where you are like imagine if you had two parents and one is overly critical and constantly telling you how you're failing and constantly telling you what a disappointment you are. And then you had another parent that just loved you and wanted the best for you and knew that like they would love you no matter what. Which one do you think that you would go to with your hopes and dreams and dream big and push yourself to do bigger things, right? Like it's obvious. You would hide from the parent that's a bully. Like you wouldn't talk about the things that you dream about. Well, we do that with ourselves. The reason so many people have suppressed their dreams is because they are scared of what their own brain's gonna do to them. And when you have a safety net where you know I'm gonna love myself regardless. If I try this thing and it doesn't work, okay, that doesn't mean anything about me. I'm not gonna make it mean anything about me. It becomes so much easier to try things. It becomes so much easier to fail, right? Because your whole self-worth isn't on the line. And I've found, like since I've done this work, one of the reasons I so able to take risks now and try new things and put myself out there is because I love myself so much that I'm like okay, a lot of people might judge, this might be a colossal fail and I'll still love myself, right? And so I think this lie that we think that we have to beat ourselves in order to get anything done because that's what we've done up until this point is not true. You can have goals, you can go after them. I just want you to go after them from a kind and compassionate place the same way you would for anybody else, the same way you would for your children or your friends or your, you know, spouse. You would never think that the only way they're gonna get things done is if you yell at them constantly. And so we have this misconception that like if we don't kind of beat ourselves with a stick, we're just gonna all become lazy. And I'm just here to tell you that that's not gonna happen, right? And part of that objection is also this catastrophizing, right? So like the second part of that is that if I let go, I'm just gonna let completely go. And our brain loves to do that. Like the all or nothing thinking, the catastrophizing, thinking it's gonna be the worst case scenario. And again, part of that is like part of the same programming that you got as part of your inner critic, right? When your programming has gotten you to think the worst of yourself, when it's gotten you to think that you can't be trusted, of course, you start believing that like uh oh, if I'm not holding on tight, if I'm not super controlling with myself in what I do, I'm gonna become this, you know, sinner. This ravenous, gluttonous crazy person that's just running around eating all the sugar and drinking all the alcohol and laying all day and only watching Netflix, right? And I think that when you realize that like humans are wired for growth, if you look at from when we are younger, like we want to figure things out, we want to grow, we want to achieve, we want to set goals and hit them cuz it feels good. We get dopamine from that. And so there isn't, understanding that you won't all of a sudden just go off the deep end and not do anything that that's just your brain's way of trying to protect you and going to the extreme. And yes, for some of you, you will wanna take a long break because maybe you've been hustling for way too long and your body just needs some time to rest. When I decided, I decided to get off the hamster wheel of like diet and exercise. And I really wanted to prove to myself that I didn't that I didn't have to work out the thought of like I quote unquote have to work out. I wanted to prove to myself that that's not true. I don't have to, I don't have to do anything. And so I stopped working out for two years, not something I'd recommend to everybody, but it was what it was needed for me. It was the amount of time I needed to really heal my relationship with exercise and diet and my body and trusting myself and food and all this stuff. And that's the work I've been doing over the last two years. And now I'm ready and have started exercising from a place of loving myself and loving my body and knowing that I'm doing it because it's good for me and because it feels good and because my body wants movement and not because I have to punish myself or because I'm bad or if I have to burn a certain amount of calories or because I ate too much or whatever. And that took me a really long time. And so I'm not saying that like yes, there might be a season and a lot of people think like okay, if I rest for two days then I should be ready to go. No. Like maybe you need a whole season of not doing anything, of like not doing anything on your weekends, of taking a lot of time to watch tv. And we'll talk about like how do we get to the place of trusting ourselves to know that like that pendulum will swing back. You'll start understanding like I want to learn things, I want to create things, I want to go after goals because it feels good. I just no longer wanna do it from a place of I have to prove that I'm good enough by doing this. I have to be on this hamster wheel and prove that, you know, I'm worthy because I can lose weight or I get the degree or I make a certain amount of money. And so understanding that like the way that you're wired is to create and to grow and to try things. And so this kind of catastrophizing fear that you will do nothing is unfounded. Okay? So that's typically the objections I get is, right. We can't think all about ourselves, I wanna focus on my goals and I don't wanna rest and lay around all day or I'll just become lazy and I won't get anything done. And none of those are true, right? When we get outta that all or nothing thinking and that catastrophizing and we realize like I'm just gonna try to be a little bit nicer to myself. We don't need to go all the way but like how can I start getting rid of this voice? Okay, so now that we're aware of the voice, where it comes from and we're aware these these objections are just our fears kind of manifesting and they're not true, what do we do? How do we get rid of it is the question, okay? Like I just said, step one is just noticing it but noticing in the sense of like I want an alarm bell to go off, right? For so long for so many of us, this voice has been in the background of your head that you don't even notice it. It's kind of like, you know, it becomes like white noise, it just like blends into the background. And so you don't even understand how cruel and how often that voice is saying mean things to you. And so part of what you have to start becoming aware of is noticing it every time it happens, right? Is noticing like where is this thought, right? What are all the thoughts that happen throughout the day? And it's very easy to start even judging yourself then like adding on more shame, adding on like oh my God, why am I so mean to myself? Why would I do this? I can't even do this right. Whatever. Please let's stop that. There's no shame or judgment in this, is just a matter of oh, like my brain is constantly finding something that I'm not doing right. I woke up late this morning. I walk by the mirror, it says something about my body. I get to the kitchen, it is saying something about what I'm eating and how it's not good enough and how I'm gonna gain more weight and why didn't I prep? And then it's saying something about how late I am getting to work and then when I get to work, it's saying something about how I should have done more yesterday and now I'm behind and everybody hates me and my boss is gonna fire me. And then as I'm in the meeting, it's telling me how awkward I am and I shouldn't speak up and I don't know what I'm talking about and I'm not smart enough to be here and they're gonna find out and then I, you know, get to lunch and it's telling me like that I should have prepped and brought something in so I could save my money and I'm always wasting money and now I'm gonna eat something and it's too many calories and I'm really unhealthy and it's gonna start showing. Like we're at noon right now, right? And this just sounds like so many of our soundtracks and we have to start getting like noticing that like there's always something wrong with me. There's always like this voice is telling me everything I'm doing I'm not doing well enough, right? It's constantly like my entire attention spotlight is on where I'm messing up, where I'm not doing good enough and like I first have to notice that. So I want that alarm bell to kind of go off and you're not gonna catch every thought. We don't even have the time to deal with every thought in the beginning. It could just be the most painful ones, the ones that you're gonna notice the most, the one that's causing you the most harm. Like that's gonna be like a ding ding ding like wait, let me just stop for a second. Why would I say this to myself, right? Why am I saying this thought? And then that leads me to step two. When you know the thought and you can, you know, a very painful but powerful exercise is to write 'em down. Oftentimes, what goes unchecked is like we think that these thoughts are just normal and when you write it down you start realizing like I would never in my life say this to another human being. And if anybody ever said this to me, I wouldn't have them in my life, right? Like it's truly harassment and bullying. And sometimes seeing that on paper can be very powerful because it can instantly show you like how cruel we are to ourselves. Like it's not just like oh, you know, you could have done a better job. It's like the worst thing we could possibly think of. So if you start having a reoccurring thought like maybe write that down so you can see that like, you know, that's the thought that keeps coming up and like why am I thinking this thought? Right? Step two is to address the thought. And what I mean by that is you can do this in two ways. You can do like a, in psychology they have this thing called thought stopping, but it's basically like a full stop in front of the thought. You can decide like you know what, we're not doing this anymore. We are not talking to ourselves like that anymore. Okay? Now that might work in different times. Like these approaches are gonna work differently in different times. And there might be like you can very much draw a line in the sand and say I will not talk to myself like that at all anymore. And that might be for certain thoughts that might me like I refuse to comment negatively on my own body anymore or I refuse to call myself lazy. Like I will not use that word with myself anymore, right? So it could be very much like you are taking a stand to protect yourself against this thought. Okay? Another way, which is also very helpful and might be even more helpful in certain situation, is to question that thought, is to understand why that thought is there. Okay? The reason that voice was developed was in order to protect you, right? And it has sort of gone unchecked and become a bully but truly it is a part of you that is trying to protect you. It is not against you, it doesn't hate you, it thinks that what it's doing and that's why it's there, has been able to protect you. Okay? And so part of it is getting curious, without judging yourself, without being like oh God, why can't I get rid of this voice? To truly be asking like what are you trying to protect me from? Right? Because you developed it to be able to survive in a society that told you that you're not good enough, right? And so when you're a child, for most of us, like as you start growing up, we've all had instances where we've been shamed or we've been bullied or people have said something nasty or maybe they said something in passing and it really like had us question our our own identity. And that can be such a jarring feeling. And so for a lot of us, we started developing these protection mechanisms to protect ourselves from feeling like that. And we got this very misguided idea that I'm gonna beat them to the punch. I'm not gonna let anybody else point out how awkward I am, right? So I'm just gonna keep quiet all the time. I'm just gonna be the one that tells myself like shut up, don't talk in class. Like you're super awkward so that nobody else can look at me and say like uh, she's so weird, right? Or I got the message that I'm really dumb. Like I got the message that I don't do well in school or I didn't do good enough or whatnot. So I'm just gonna keep telling myself so that I don't like think that I know what I'm talking about and say something and somebody else judge me or laugh at me or be embarrassed. I'm just gonna keep telling myself so I can keep myself in my quote unquote place, right? And so these things developed because we all learned either like I need people to like me, I need people to think I'm good enough. I need people to think I'm smart enough. I need people to think I'm perfect. And so there is this like inner critic that's sort of in a very misguided way working to help quote unquote protect you from these weaknesses that you think you have. And part of it is, you know, I'm not saying you have to befriend it but just really understanding where does this thought come from, right? What are you trying to protect me from? When you're telling me that I'm dumb and I shouldn't speak, like what is that trying to protect me from? From embarrassing myself if I say something that's maybe not as smart as what other people would say or if I misunderstood something like okay, like now I understand like I understand what you're trying to do. I get it but like this isn't the way, right? So like you can either do this full stop or the questioning but part of it is like just really understanding what we wanna do with this voice in different situations. And then underneath that voice, whether it's the full stop or the questioning, I want you to ask like that part that your inner critic is shutting down, that part that your inner critic that wants to like stifle, what does that part want? What is that part trying to get, right? What is underneath that inner critic? That voice that's underneath it that the inner critic is trying to stamp out, is trying to bully, what does that voice want? Ask yourself what it wants and why it wants that. And don't accept I don't know for an answer from your brain. Stop allowing your brain to tell you I don't know, you do know. You're afraid to answer it, you feel vulnerable, you're not certain, that's fine. Take your best guess. Sit with yourself for a little while and ask yourself: what do I want? What is the part of me that wants so many of us are so burned out and exhausted because we just keep suppressing what we want over and over again. And for so many of us, it worked quote unquote in our favor because we, you know, got the accolades and we suppressed our needs and we got the degrees and we got the jobs and we did what society told us. And yet so many of us are burned out because there's an inner knowing. There's an inner voice that is saying like I just want some rest. I just want some peace. I want to eat a full meal. I'm hungry, right? I want to stop dieting. I want to feel loved. I wanna feel accepted. And you have to let that voice start coming out. You have to understand like what is that need that obviously is not going away. If your inner critic was able to beat that out of you, it would've been beaten out of you by now and thank God that it can't. But if your inner critic was going to get you to somehow become this better person who is no longer dumb, is no longer lazy, is no longer awkward, is no longer whatever it's telling you you are, if that was possible then it would've happened by now. But it's not. And so what if we befriend that other voice? What if we allow that other voice to come out a little bit and just ask it what it wants? Just start getting an understanding of like what have I been suppressing for so long that refuses to go away, that keeps coming out, that my inner critic thinks it has to get bigger and meaner and bigger and bolder and like it's become kind of like out of control now in most of our heads, right? If my inner critic is constantly telling me I'm so lazy, what do I want? I just want some rest, I'm exhausted. Why is that a bad thing, right? Do I wanna keep that thought? Do I want to think that when I rest that means I'm lazy? Do I want to allow that voice like the programming that I've gotten from society, do I wanna keep that? Like you have to start questioning this. When that voice is telling you're so awkward, don't talk, you sound dumb, right? What do I want? What is the voice underneath saying? It just wants to be heard, it wants connection maybe right? It wants to be a part of community, it wants to be seen, it wants to feel validated. I don't know. You have to like ask it. You have to understand what is that part of you that keeps trying to come out, this inner critic is trying to stamp down. And then you have to practice trusting yourself and giving yourself what you want. Okay? So step four is giving yourself whatever that inner voice wants that has been stamped out for so long, you have to give it to yourself. And it's going to feel terrible at first. Do not think that it's like oh, I'm giving myself what I want. It's gonna feel lovely. I've wanted to rest and now I'm gonna rest and it's gonna be so great. No, it won't. I mean ,that inner critic is gonna go into overdrive. It's going to constantly tell you how this is stupid and you shouldn't listen to this. And like you're being lazy and there's so much more you could have done today and you just wasted a day and you have to still practice like you know what, I still deserve 15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour, half a day, the whole day. I don't care. I deserve to lay here and do nothing or I deserve to have a day of rest. And you don't have to do huge things. It could just be a baby step, it could be a 10-minute nap, right? It could be whatever the thing is that you want but you have to practice that. You have to practice hearing the inner critic voice and doing the opposite. Telling yourself like I know this feels scary. I know we've told ourselves that we can't be trusted, that we're not good enough, that we're too lazy, that whatever fill in the blank. But I'm gonna show you, I wanna prove to you that we're not. I wanna prove to you that it's okay to feel this way. And in order to do that it's gonna feel terrible and I have to do it anyway. I have to ask myself like what do I need here? What is this voice saying and what can I do to start slowly? Like, you know, we've talked a lot on this podcast about ladder thoughts, which like what's one ladder step above where I'm at? Like if I'm on this rung, what's the next rung? What's one thing I can do, right? So we don't have to go from like I'm a terrible worker or whatever. Like I don't work hard enough to I'm gonna finish working at five every day and I'm not gonna look at my email anymore. That's likely not gonna work. Like if you've been someone that's overworked for a really long time cuz you've told yourself that you have to work longer than everybody else and that you're not efficient and you're not good enough at whatever it is you're doing, can you start with like 30 minutes earlier than you typically wind things down? Can you give yourself one night where you're not gonna work? Can you start slowly building that trust? And here's the thing, when you first start doing this, when I talk to people about trusting yourself, there's this voice that is like on guard. We talked about earlier with the objections where there's this thought of like I'm trying to get away with things. Uh oh I gotta be onto myself. I'm sneaky. Am I really tired or am I just trying to be sneaky? Like there's this such a level of distrust in ourselves and we've been so conditioned to believe that we can't trust ourselves that we think we're gonna try to get away with things. I hear this all the time and it's crazy when you think about it truly like that we've been so brainwashed to believe that we can't trust ourselves. So I'll hear questions like how do I know if I really need rest or if I'm just being lazy? Sometimes I am really just lazy or whatever the fill in the blank is like your brain is like tricky. It starts asking you questions as if it's really posing something intellectual. And I want you to understand, again, like you can question like so what if I'm being lazy, right? Like who cares? Even if I go the opposite direction for a little while, why is that so scary to me? But I want you to know this. Like yes, you're gonna be learning to trust yourself. And when we are learning something, that means we are practicing it. And when we are practicing, what does that mean class? It means you'll fail. Which I know is like the worst F word for so many of you guys to hear. And I've talked about it a lot and we hate failing at this stuff. And part of this is like yeah, like letting your brain know like yeah, we're learning to listen to that voice. We're learning to let that voice become louder, that inner knowing. We're practicing it so we're gonna get it wrong sometimes. And I like to think of it like a pendulum, okay? It's gonna swing constantly. And even if you quote unquote let yourself go, you think that like, I don't know, there's we catastrophize like some huge thing’s gonna happen. But okay, let's say you don't catch yourself. Let's say you really are just trying to get away with it. Which, again, there's nothing wrong with that but let's just say you will do that for a couple of days or a couple of weeks but eventually you'll get bored. Eventually you'll find that your pendulum has swung too far and you'll bring yourself back. Okay? I was thinking about this when I was sick, when I had COVID two months ago because by like the third day I was so frustrated and bored with being sick, right? When you are not sick, we like to glamorize because it's the only time we get any rest. So it's like oh my God, I would watch all these shows and I would get to, it's like sounds glorious. I would read and I'd get to just eat whatever and I wouldn't have to worry about taking care of anybody. And it's sad that we glorify sickness cuz that's the only time we get rest. So that should be an alarm bell right there. But I remember like by the third day I hated Netflix. I was like I don't, there's nothing else I wanna watch. I was so tired of laying and I didn't have the energy to do anything else. But I remember thinking like I just want I wanna go for a walk. I want to get up and go back and like work on the next podcast. And it was fascinating for me to really think about that. Like to think about like most of us don't want to just do nothing all the time. And a lot of us do nothing right now because it's just a response to how exhausted we are at the rest of our lives. So it's like if I work all day, then yeah, by the time I get home at night or on the weekends, I'm so exhausted that I sometimes self-sabotage with procrastination. I numb out. I need this stuff in order to get a little bit of rest. And even if you think about like a rest from like listening to this inner critic constantly telling me how horrible I am, even though the inner critic follows you there, right? Oh my God, I can't believe you wasted so much time scrolling Instagram. I can't believe you just watched four hours of Netflix. What's wrong with you? Right? So like it makes sense that it's become kind of a defense mechanism but I truly want you to understand that you will learn to find your own zone. Like the pendulum will still swing and some days you'll just be let's say more lazy. Or some days you'll, I don't know, whatever the thing is, you'll talk more than you should. Or some days you'll you'll be obnoxious. Whatever the fear is that your inner critic is trying to protect you from. Yeah, some days you're gonna be more of that and then you'll start kind of learning like okay, that's really not as exciting as I thought it was gonna be or it's not something I want as much of now I wanna go here but I do it from a place of love. I do it from a place of like what's in my best interest. I do it from a place of I don't need to do these things or be this person in order to love myself. Like I get to love myself exactly as I am. And when you can start doing that, I telling you so much more opens up for you, so many more possibilities, so many things that you can try and fail at, so much more of the world to experience, so much more vulnerability to put yourself out there because you have your own back now. You are your own safety net. You don't need other people to validate you in order to feel better because you already know how great and amazing you are, right? Like you've got yourself. And so everything else is just icing on the cake. Everything else is just experimenting. Everything else is just seeing how amazing and big and wonderful and restful and slow and whatever it is you need at that time. How much you can make your life like that. And you can start listening to that voice and that voice is gonna be different in different seasons and sometimes it's gonna want more and sometimes it's gonna want less and sometimes it's gonna need compassion and sometimes it's gonna need more discipline and sometimes it's going to need creativity and sometimes it's just gonna need to veg out. And you get to start knowing what that voice sounds like and giving it to yourself and stop making yourself a robot and stop thinking that you have to be distrustful of yourself all the time. And I'm telling you, it is the most liberating thing you can do. It is the basis of living a life that isn't constantly stressed out, exhausted, burned out. So much of that comes from that own voice that we're trying to outrun in our head. And I want you to stop running from it and I want you to start dealing with it. I want you to ask yourself these questions. I want you to start examining where it came from for you, where what it has protected. And the more you do that, the more that voice starts dissipating. I will tell you this, I had one of the strongest inner critics. I mean, I really thought that in order to get anything done, I had to just constantly whip myself. And it isn't overnight but over the last couple of years, the voice is all but gone. I remember a couple like months ago, I had a really cruel thought pop in. It was likely something about my like appearance when I saw a reflection of myself. I can't remember exactly but I remember it was just like a very mean comment. And I instantly obviously like it jarred me because I wasn't used to it anymore. And I remember thinking like oh my gosh, that is cruel. Why would I say that to myself? Right? And it was a very interesting moment because I was like oh my God, I used to say that to myself all day every day. And it wasn't until I realized that that voice had been quieted down so much that when it popped up it was jarring. It was as if somebody on the street said it to me like how jarring we would find that if someone else said those same words to you. And I really realized like how far I had come because I had constantly thought that I had to belittle myself and tell myself horrible things to get anything done. And now I refuse and I truly feel like the self-love that I've cultivated through thought work and through doing this work, if nothing else changes, but I hadn't started a business, if I didn't change my career, if nothing else changed, it would be worth every single thing that I've ever done to get to this place because it was is such a prison to live with that voice. And I don't want you guys spending your life being your own worst enemy. So if you want help with this, I want you to join me in The Quitter Club. I'm telling you this work will change your life but it takes time. It's like the gym, you gotta do reps, you gotta do it over and over again. Your brain is going to bring up a lot of things that sound like it's true. It's gonna tell you that everything is gonna go to hell if you start doing this work and that you need to be mean to yourself. And I will be there to lovingly tell you that your brain's a liar. So if you're ready to do this work and actually apply it, go to and join me in that membership. We will let you know as soon as doors open and we can get started on evicting that voice from your head. Alright my friends, I hope this was helpful and I will be back next week with another episode.

Thank you so much for listening. If you liked this episode, share it with someone else. I promise you know somebody who also hates their job and wants to quit, so why not share the love? And if you want to come follow along for more, come join me on Instagram at LessonsFromAQuitter and make sure you say hi. I'll see you next week for another episode.