Student Panel - What It's Really Like In Pave Your Path
Ep. 205
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This week on the podcast I have three of my current students join me to talk about the program. I can only tell you about the program so much and so I thought it would be helpful to hear it directly from the people in it. Each one of these ladies came in with different problems seeking different paths and yet, thought work and working on mindset has changed each of their lives in a big way. If you’ve wanted to know what Pave Your Path can offer you, this episode is for you.

Get in touch with Lara at

Show Transcript
Hey, welcome to Lessons From a Quitter where we believe that it is never too late to start over. No matter how much time or energy you spent getting to where you are, if ultimately you are unfulfilled, then it is time to get out. Join me each week for both inspiration and actionable tips so that we can get you on the road to your dreams.

Hello, my friends. Welcome to another episode. I'm so excited you are here. I love today's episode so much. I'm so grateful that I got to sit down and have this conversation with three of my current students in Pave Your Path. As you all know, as I've been talking about, I am gonna open up the doors for the next round of my six-month program, Pave Your Path next week. June 13th, doors will open until the 17th and I'm always trying to think of ways to explain to you what it's like in the program and what you could gain from it and whether it's right for you.
And I realize there's only so much I can say. And oftentimes it's really helpful to hear from people who are in your shoes, who are maybe debating like is this for me? Am I ready? Am I at the place where I should be doing this? Um is it worth the investment? All of those thoughts. And so I asked three of my students who are in the cohort from January of 2022. So we are in the final month of their group. In June they'll be done at the end of June. And so I wanted to hear from them about what their experience has been, where they were, what they've gained out of it, what they've kind of been surprised about so you can have a better understanding of whether this program is for you. And I want you to listen to the fact that they all have very different journeys and yet they needed the same support and they needed to work on the same things. And honestly, I hadn't talked to them before I asked them to come on the podcast and I hadn't really like prepped them in any way. I just told them to come on and we'll have a conversation. And as you'll listen, like I'm so beyond grateful to them and I'm so honored to have been able to be a part of each one of their journeys. And it is just such a privilege for me to be able to do this work. I uh was crying when they were on the call and I've been crying ever since because it I just can't believe that this is what I get to do. So I will jump in and let them tell you more about their experience. But I wanted to let you know that if you listen to this and then you start thinking like yeah, I want those changes in my life. I want to take that shame down a notch in my head and lower that inner critic. I wanna figure out what it is the thing that I wanna do that I know is there but I can't figure out, I wanna have the ripple effects on all areas of my life. I wanna invite you to join me in the next round. It is limited spots. Doors are only open from the 13th to the 17th of June so make a decision whether you wanna be in or not right now and decide if you're gonna do it to jump in on Monday so that you snag your spot. I would love to have you in there. You can go to to make sure that you're on the wait list so that you're notified as soon as doors are open. And I hope you join me but without further ado, I wanna introduce you to three of my lovely students: Arlette, Lara and Meghan and I will let them take it from here.

Hello ladies, thank you so much for joining me today. I am so excited to have you all on and to hear more about your experience. And it's funny because I haven't talked to you guys like individually about this so I'm gonna be hearing about your experience here too. So I'm really grateful for you all to come on and share because I really I know that when you're making a decision to join a program, it can often be there's uncertainty cuz you don't know what's in there and you don't know how it's gonna work for you. And for a lot of us, it's very difficult to invest money in ourselves when we don't know what's gonna come out of it. And so I always wanna help people get a better understanding from other people cause I can only tell you in so many ways from my perspective but I think it helps to hear from people that are going through it or have gone through it. So I'm so excited since you guys are kind of coming up to the tail end of your program which makes me so sad to hear more about your perspective on it. So why don't we start and like just briefly introduce yourself and tell us, you know, what you do now or what you were doing when you um entered the program and maybe why you entered like what what you were kind of struggling with and hoping to get help with in You’re your Path.

Hello Goli, thank you very much for having me. I am a wife, mother of two and a practicing physician living in Texas. My 16-year-old son is an actor in LA. My husband is there with him, helping manage his career. My daughter was here with me in Texas until the pandemic shut the schools down. And then when she switched to an online school program, she decided hey, I'm headed to the sunny shores of California as well which is great because I'm stuck at work all day, right? So gradually over the course of a couple years, I found myself in the unenviable position of me in one state and my husband and kids in another state. In addition to that, I've been practicing medicine for 20 years, burning out, ready for a change. But between trying to figure out how do I reunite my family? How do I juggle the finances? What do I want the next chapter of my life to look like and ruminating that while life is happening, there's no time to stop and hear yourself think. How do I sort this out? I found your podcast. I've been listening for months and months and months, very valuable stuff, even the free content but when Pave Your Path opened up, I thought this is what I need to do to get another perspective on my situation and have somebody give me a process to work through the issues that I'm looking at, options to consider. A way to process all of that and actually figure out, you know, determine some clarity of what I want my new path to be in life and help me develop a plan to make all of that stuff come to pass. That's the reason why I joined and the program has not disappointed.

I love that so much. And I wanna, before we move on, like just touch on one thing you said because yes, while they're I think it's really helpful to have a coach help you see your blind spots and have another perspective, all of that. What you said though, that I don't think people realize is I think one of the most valuable things, is giving yourself time each week to actually think about your life and what you want and where you want to go. And the thing is, if we were able to do that on our own, that's great. But a lot of us like life catches up with us. And the first thing we put on the back burner is our own needs or what we want or it's like I'll get to it next week and next week. And that turns into next year and the year after and we end up staying stuck and part of what I found, even for myself and a lot of the programs I go into, is not even what I get out of the program. But like you said, like I just give myself this time that like every week for the next six months, I'm going to sit down for one or two hours. It doesn't have to be, you know, a whole bunch of time but I'm consistently gonna like try to parse through this. Like what is it that I want? Where do I wanna go? How do I solve this? Right. Instead of, I think for all of us, it ruminates in the back of our head so it causes stress but we don't actually do anything with it so it just never shuts up and nothing ever happens. So I love that you raised that because I think it's such an important part of like whether you do this program or not, like if you can set aside some time to let yourself just think like let yourself just be and think about what you want. So valuable. I love it. Um Meghan, what about you?

Hello so I'm Meghan. I joined the program obviously in January. Um when I started my career, I was a teacher for seven years. Um and then I left teaching and then for the last seven years I've been uh working for a digital marketing agency. When I joined in January, I actually I think I'd only been listening to the podcast, I had only found you maybe like three or four weeks before.

I love a fast action taker.

But I had been trying to quit my job since 2016. In 2016, like I started thinking this is not like I need to pick something else. The industry is just not me. It's not for me. This is not where I belong and I need to pick something else. But and I had left, the crazy thing is I had left teaching before, right. Like I already had left an entire career. But the difference is you have a deadline when it's teaching. Right. So you have to like by the end of the year, you have to decide you're either coming back next year or you're not. But in this job, I just could keep putting it off. Like I'll just well, I'll get to it or I'll think about it. Maybe I need to apply for another job. Maybe I don't wanna do that. Finally that plus the pandemic burnout was I have two little kids, they were four and one when the pandemic started. So that plus working a full-time job at home, I was really burned out. So um it was time for the next thing. I think actually the first time on the coaching call, my first time was like I gotta pick a date. Um and you walked me through. [Yeah.] But what's the perfect date? There is none. Okay, we're gonna pick one and then I quit.

Yay, we love a quitter!

So I what we started January 1st and I quit January 26th then gave a healthy amount of notice. So yeah, I've been just kind of figuring out what's next for the last couple of months and taking a little bit of time before we really dive in to the next thing.

Yeah, I love that too. And I love, again, I think so many people relate to the fact that like you already know it's not for you this job or this career but it's always, like I said, I mean, when you don't have the time to figure it out, it sort of becomes like okay, I'll do this. Well maybe the next work anniversary or by the summer by and then it just becomes year after year. I see this with so many people. It happened with me as well. I often think, a lot of guests I've had on my podcast, it was like the universe somehow pushing them out. Like they, unfortunately either got sick, you know, I had a baby I had to leave and move a state. So that forced me to quit. But it's often like something external to you like has to push you because that fear of uncertainty is real. And it's like unless I have that nudge and let me tell you, I don't nudge. I push people. People come to me all the time and it’s like I can't, we just did this on a coaching call yesterday. I was like I don't know when to quit. I was like we're picking a date now cause there is no right date. Um don't let that scare you though. I won't force you to quit if you don't want to. I'm just saying, if you do, and you've been struggling for a while, we will figure out when you're gonna quit. So um I love that and I love that you quit and I love that you're now we'll talk about what you're figuring out what to do but first let's move on to Miss Lara. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

I'm Lara. I was a teacher, a communication coach. I am a writer and I'm in school for marriage and family therapy. I'm almost halfway or I'm over halfway through the program. And I had actually quit before the program. I had quit and decided to go on a trip to Africa for three months to South Africa to figure out what I was gonna do next. And when I came back, the pandemic hit and messed up all my plans for my, they weren't solid plans but they were like I'm gonna settle here and then figure it out. I kept doing the and then figure it out. And so after a very long time in the pandemic not figuring it out and listening to the podcast and reading tons of books and not doing the things but being like oh yes, I understand what this thing would teach me. I was still completely frozen and blocked. And so I decided that I needed to invest in myself which would force me to actually do the things, to know that like I had paid the money, that I was going to be in a coaching call where we were discussing what we did in the exercises. What came up? What was, you know, how blocked we were when trying to do them. [Yeah.] That was like very big for me because I love I've, I mean, I've been studying all of the psychology and coaching and all of that stuff forever. So I love it. And I always think that I get it without doing it. And I kind of finally was like you need to do the things. And accountability is very nice. And it's nice to have someone who pushes you but also supports you.

Yes, I push it a very nice…

Pushy support, I love pushy support.

Yeah, I love that too. You're absolutely right. I think accountability. I mean, this is the thing I've learned about myself. I was actually just telling my husband like, you know, I gotta give in and just get a trainer because I'm not gonna work out on my own. Like I know what to do. I'm just not gonna do it until someone um is waiting for me. And I'm like oh, I gotta go and actually move this body. Right. So it's like it's just, I mean, it's such a huge part. But what I love, actually, I didn't realize this when I invited you all on and it's so perfect because you guys are three people in very different spots of your journey which is what is the three types of journeys I see in the program. And I love, and I constantly try to tell people, it's like, you know, Arlette wasn't coming to try to quit anytime soon, it was like known that I'm gonna stay. I need to figure out finances. I'm gonna keep building this up and manage my mind, learn how to, you know, plan for the next couple of years. Meghan was like I'm in the middle of quitting. I need the help with the quitting. I need to know what I'm gonna do. And then slow down and take some time off which we get a lot of people where it's like should I join because I know I don't wanna find my next thing yet. And I always actually recommend people join then because we all know what the mind does after like one week of not working, it starts beating you up immediately. And I want you, if you're gonna be on a sabbatical, if you're on maternity leave to actually be able to enjoy that. And Lara had already quit which I also have a lot of people who have tried a bunch of different things and there's such a wide range. There's some of us that are okay with risk but we still feel stuck in some ways. And then some of us who've never taken the risk and have never quit and, you know, have so much kind of mind drama around that identity. So I love that you guys all have these different paths and it all ends up being the same work, right? Like that's what I try to tell people when I say this, Pave Your Path, it's the same process for every single person. It's just you apply it to your own path whether that means quitting or not. So this just turned out serendipitously to be very helpful.

I wish I had joined a little bit earlier like six months after quitting instead of two years after quitting cause that was a really long time to be frozen.

I think that same thing. I wish I had found the stuff I had found. One of the reasons I started the podcast was like I went through four years of unnecessary suffering and beating myself up and thinking I didn't know, that there was something wrong with me and I couldn't be happy. When I started finding thought work, I kept thinking like why didn't I sign up for this stuff? I knew about it and I just kept thinking I can figure this out or I don't wanna I don't have the money right now. And now I look back and I'm like ugh, there was just so much needless suffering going on. So I hear you but hey, I'm glad you came. Okay, so maybe if you would kind of go back to what you were thinking you were gonna get versus what you got like maybe what is the most surprising thing for you about the program that maybe you knew it was gonna be in there but it's I don't know the most helpful thing that has happened outta the program for you or surprising that maybe somebody considering might find fascinating or useful.

It might be the same thing cuz so one of the things that I was hoping would happen but I wasn't sure would happen is that it is a small group and so I was kind of hoping that we'd kind of get to know each other but since we're all on Zoom, I wasn't really sure long story all to say that Lara and I met on Tuesday. Um Goli I don't even think you know that but um we did a little we did our own like personal Zoom afterwards. So we were just talking about how, you know, the three of us are in a pretty similar fairly similar ages and that sort of thing but there are a couple of people who are in very different situations in the group. And we were talking about how it's so funny that they'll start the situation and start talking and asking for coaching. And it seems very different, right? Like very outside of our experience and you get three or four sentences in we're like yep, got that thought. Yep, that, yep, totally. This is and you're thinking how is this gonna help me? You're like oh, very helpful. Yes, I have exactly that same thought. Yes, I didn't even know it was there. So yeah, I found the group coaching really helpful in that sense. Um and in ways that I didn't think.

Yeah definitely. For me, because I also came in really intimidated because it's a bunch of badass, super successful women and like coming in not having worked for two years, I definitely felt kind of like a failure coming in like learning how to do the stuff that I wasn't able to do. And it was funny because the first few weeks I think we were kind of after mindset, then we started working on like finding things that make us happy. And I was like oh see, I'm failing at this too cuz I like I don't need to do any of this cuz I'm already doing all of this. And then I was like oh yeah, I'm not failing at this. I'm actually like this is where I'm really strong like I'm I'm really good at cuz I've dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression and I've figured out a lot of like somatic work and lots of things that like bring me joy and calm my anxiety and like I know how to rest myself really well when I need it. And so it was funny cuz I remember like sometimes being like stressed because other people were like like I need to find this. And I was like do I have too much of this? So do I do I have too much joy and rest in my life? And so it was really interesting because I like what I kind of in the beginning also cuz I was still beating myself up kind of like telling myself that this was like proof that I was a failure. And then like when we started more working into like what to like how to figure out what you really want and what to do next I'm like this is kind of what I really want. So that's actually like a good sign for me. And I really felt like in our accountability group, we talk about having a Goli in our head like a cheerleader but who calls you out. So like anytime I start to do any of the things, if I'm trying to avoid a thought,a feeling I'm like just go feel it and then do a model and figure out like a ladder thought uh, you know, a true thought but that feels better than the thought that's causing this feeling cuz I'm just beating myself up here. And anytime I like start to like oh I don't wanna do that cuz there's gonna be this negative thing like everything is 50/50, good and bad. Which pro do you want more? It's not pros and cons. And we were talking about we all had in the cuz there's smaller accountability groups where we meet try and meet every week. All of us were talking about like the Goli-isms that we have like on loop whenever we need to support ourselves. So it's like there's coaching from you and then there's self-coaching from you once your positive support is embedded in us.

That's literally my the biggest compliment and I hear it all the time where people would be like you are in my head. I was doing this and I was like what would Goli tell me to do right now? And I and I love that. I have like the biggest smile because I mean, part of the point of this program, making sure you guys are doing self-coaching and learning self-coaching and submitting homework so I know you're doing the model right is because I don't want you to need me. Like I want you to be able to work like you're thinking those thoughts of okay, this is a 50/50 situation. Which, you know, which hard do I want so that, you know, as you go out into this world, cuz as I talk about constantly on the podcast and in the group like there is no one place where you just get to and all of a sudden your brain has no more negative thoughts and you're gonna be okay and there's no more hard decisions like this is life. So we're just learning the skills of how do I wanna be able to like take in each new situation, each new decision, each new circumstance. And so I love that it is getting embedded into your brains.

Yeah, I have to co-sign on everything you guys said and Goli, you must be exhausted because you work very hard running through my head daily. I mean, I hear you in my head all the time but it's a beautiful thing. And I'm glad you took the time to share that you don't want us to need you, that you're giving us tools in this program that we can use going forward instead of giving us a fish, you were teaching us to fish. And so I love it. I absolutely love it. And I have to um say that I agree with Meghan and Lara about the thing that surprised me about the group was you wonder meeting with a bunch of strangers every week on Zoom like will you ever get a sense of community or a sense of cohesion or whatever but very naturally very organically it really did come together. We all make a safe space for each other to come together and share openly and very honestly. People come and they're they're vulnerable as we're all trying to dig and learn more about ourselves and just learn and grow together. It's a beautiful sense of of community and accountability that really comes together in this group and a wonderful surprise.

I love that uh you guys all feel that because that is absolutely my intention and the reason I love group programs and I try to kind of convey it but I know until you feel it and you've been in it it's hard to understand like how important that support system is. Because, and as I've talked a lot about like a podcast, like shame exists because our brain likes to tell us like it's only you like you don't have it together. You're just afraid or whatever. You're a mess. And when you start seeing, you know, Meghan was saying like as each person gets coached, it's the same exact thoughts for every one of us. Like shame can't live there anymore. Right? It's like oh it's easy to watch someone else and then think no, you shouldn't be scared. You should do that. You're great. Of course you're qualified. Right? And then you're like but I tell myself the same thing. I'm constantly telling myself I'm not good enough. I'm constantly telling myself these lies. And so it starts becoming easier. And then you start all creating this sense of community because you realize we all have the same brains. We literally all have the same like five fears like over and over again. And I got a lot of business advice when I was first starting this podcast. And I think I could have probably grown faster, made more money, whatever, if I niche down into like let's say just lawyers because oftentimes we have this thought when we're going in of like I don't know if these people are gonna get me. They're not all lawyers or they're not all doctors or they don't understand my things. And I really wanted to show that like it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what profession you're in. It doesn't matter. Like we all have the same thoughts and I think it's so much more powerful to watch where it's like it doesn't matter. We have 25-year-olds in the group and we have people in their fifties. We have people, you know, with kids and people without kids and people and every walk of life at every profession and the same thought comes up and the same fear comes up for every person. And it's I think it's powerful to see because oftentimes we like to tell ourselves like well, if I had that job title or if I had the kids or if I was married or if I and then you see these people that have that and they're still, you know, in the same exact suffering and the same exact, you know, and so really the group component is such a powerful place to be in for your own thought work. Like to help you see your own thoughts and be like oh, why am I thinking this stuff? Like why is that person thinking this? This is absurd.

Like anytime I start to feel like I'm not progressing. And then we come to a coaching call and someone will say something like I feel like I'm not progressing because of this. And I'm like oh, okay. Again, another thought. And it's so inspiring. Like the the last two calls like I've been in tears multiple times cuz I'm so inspired cuz when you know the thoughts that people are getting over when you have those thoughts yourselves and like the blocks and the, you know, feeling like not enough which is I believe the number one thing that we all feel. Um and you see people like starting to do the things that they're that they've always wanted to do. And like people even like in the last call when someone said this has always been my secret wish and I've never even said it in here and now I'm gonna do it. Like all of us are in tears because not only is it amazing to see them do it but it also reminds us that we can do it and that we don't have to keep our secret like dreams secret. Immediately there was so much support and people volunteering to help. And it's just fantastic.

I know. Oh I know I was in tears on our call yesterday too because I love seeing people be able to like let what was already in come out, right? Like when, this is what I talk about a lot, where people say like they don't know what they want and I'm like that's not true. It's there. You just have to dig for it a little bit. Right. We just have to uncover why we've buried it and when it comes out and they're still so scared to say it and they're still like so, you know, we talk a lot about wanting like gag and go like feeling nauseous and having having to still go forward and gag and go: the new motto that I uh stole from my friend, Olivia Vizachero, who's a fantastic coach as well. It is so inspiring to watch people who really believe they didn't know what they wanna do figure out like oh, this is the thing. And it scares the hell outta me. And I still I'm gonna admit that I wanna do it. And what it's also funny though, again, yesterday's call when we had somebody kind of have this moment. And it's funny because she was still very much in like, you know, I I don't think I don't know if I can do it and I have all this imposter syndrome and everybody's like what? Of course, you can do this, you know? And so the support and really like having other people hold that belief for you when you don't feel it, when you think wait, is this crazy? And everybody else, 15 other people be like no, it's not crazy. You have to do it. Like you're gonna be amazing at this. It's really a level of support that I think can help propel us to feel safe in our dreams.

I'll jump on with that with actually another thing that kind of surprised me about it was that about the program was that, you know, we have all the the modules and the work that goes with it. Right. And so we worked through that but I realized afterwards that I had done all that thought work, right? Like I have done all the modules and I had thought through all of it. And then once I did that and admitted that this is the thing that I wanted to do, I was like oh yeah, no, it's really good that all the modules are still there. cuz now I have to go back and I have to redo all of the things that I did now fully admitting all the things that are making me scared about doing this thing. So I thought it would just be like coursework. Right? You finish all your syllabus and you're done. No, no gotta we'd… redo the whole thing.

That's actually such a beautiful thing because I wanna get all of your guys' perspective on this on where you are kind of now like having gone through it because one thing I really always want to caution people and I'm very upfront. I'm not selling any type of like magic pill. You're gonna come, I'm gonna teach you some things. You're gonna change your brain in six months. You're never gonna have a negative thought. You're all of your wildest dreams are gonna come true. It's like it's not gonna happen. So I'm not gonna like tell you that. Plus like I said earlier, you know, the skills I'm trying to teach you is because you will just keep repeating this ad nauseum for the rest of your life. I'm still doing it. Like I made this for myself and I constantly just go back through the steps that we go through over and over again. And I'm constantly like okay, what's my vision now? What do you now that I have a new idea, let me go back and kind of work through these thoughts and figure out, you know, where am I holding myself back? Where's my self-concept? All of these things. So I love that um Meghan you are realizing that like it's it's not school. And I say this all the time in the program cuz I get so many people that were straight A students like myself. And it's like if I go through all of this are you gonna gimme that stamp that says, you know, and then we get so caught in like oh I haven't done the homework. And I'm like this isn't school. This is like meant for you to use these when you need 'em and come back to them as much as you need them. And with each insight yeah, you end up just having to do it all over cuz it's like oh now I know the path, which by the way I, and I'm like all over the place, but I will say like Meghan, maybe you can talk to this is like a lot of us think that like whatever that current hurdle is if I don't know what I wanna do or if I don't know when I wanna quit like once I figure that out then it'll be so much easier. And then it's like as soon as you figure that out, it's a whole new set of fears. A whole it's like unlock, you know, it's like a video game. You're like unlock new level of fears I hadn't even thought about, you know, and so there's all of these things to do with those. And I think for you recently, it was that it was like oh, I don't know what I wanna do. And then when I figure that out, it's immediately we're gonna jump into oh my God, I'm gonna be nauseous. I cannot do this. There's way too much fear.

Yeah, I can absolutely talk to that. Um so there was the fear of quitting, right? So I'm like I'm stuck. I don't like what am I gonna do? Okay. And then we just like I cried 23 minutes into the first coaching call. We figured out what day I was quitting. Great, we did that. Okay, alright. Then I had the conversation that actually was that that went pretty fine. There was some drama, some unexpected drama between resignation date and then like actual and leaving date. Um so that was some other stuff to work through that I hadn't really thought about. And then I said, you know, I'm giving myself until like September I think. So this was like April, I'm giving myself until September. I'm just gonna relax. Right? Like I've got everybody else cleaned out their closet during the pandemic. So, you know, I I but I didn't so I that's what I'm gonna do. And, you know, I'm gonna have so much time. And I think I posted in the group, like it was 7 to 10 business days and then that that was the end of that. I was like I can't stay still. I really thought that I was somebody like Lara, who was saying like I can find you. I'm doing okay with the finding joy thing. I think I'll be alright. I've got things to do. But then I was like what am I gonna do? I gotta do something other than make dinner every day. This is so then we figured out what we're gonna do. And then I have the the next hurdle which is oh, I didn't think I had that many negative thoughts. It's just because I was taking the thing that was causing all the negative thoughts, I just tucked it away real tight, wrapped it up in some good foil bubble wrap and just tucked it away. So once that came out then we just unleashed everything.

Now you're more prepared though but now you have you know how to manage your mind. [Yeah.] And we're just gonna work. Now it's just like alright, we it's like a muscle. We're just gonna keep like flexing it. So but I would love to know from all of you and I mean, Meghan, maybe you can since you were just saying where you come to now. So we've talked about like what you were wanting before you came so can you give a little bit of an update of like what you've gained through the program and where you are at right now?

Yeah, so I'm not gonna lie. I mean, it is nice to quit but having that monkey off your back it's not the only thing but it is a nice thing. That's nice. But I will say I have found myself just it's almost like that 10% happier like the meditation with Dan what's his face from ABC who talks about like he meditates and it makes him yeah, Dan Harris, 10% happier. Um meditation makes him 10% happier. I I would give you more than 10% probably, I'd give like 15 to 20. [I'll take it.] Um but it is like I but like it's still you're still gonna face the negative emotions but I feel like I get out of them a little bit faster or like I think a huge thing has been the clean pain versus dirty pain of like I will hit the hard thing but I do significantly less piling on top of myself about like well, you know, I'm upset about this thing but I shouldn't be upset about this thing. So now I'm just gonna be upset for one day about the thing. And then the second day I'm gonna be upset about being upset about the thing that happened. Um so that would be 50% actually.

I mean, honestly, even if you say 10% or 15, but I just think about like imagine what your life is being 15% happier. I mean, I would take it all day every day. Right? It has never been about getting rid of negative emotions because that's not gonna happen. It's not realistic. And we don't want that. Right. Like we were just talking, I think Meghan, we were talking a little bit on Voxer and like there's horrible things happening in this world and we're not gonna walk around being like oh my God, it's totally fine. I'm totally happy all the time. It's like it's heavy. We're all going through a lot of grief and trauma in collectively, let alone personally, in the pandemic and our jobs and all of this stuff. And so it's like how do I just manage it with like you said like taking off some of that dirty pain that unnecessary suffering. So I love that. And oh, also small little side note, you figured out what you wanna be doing in your life. So I'll take it the 10%, 15% happier and figuring out your dream. Listen, we're good.

Yes, exactly. We have we have a plan moving forward. So um yeah. And I will say like I think that dirty pain from a parenting perspective like the clean pain I can handle on my own. I feel like sometimes the dirty pain is the kind of stuff that that can bleed over to the kids. Like I'm tense, I'm angry. And like it's like when I blow up with the kids when I don't want to and that sort of thing. So I think that's been a major thing as well.

I didn't want to keep talking but I just have to over everything you guys say cuz I love it. But I will say that because that is the biggest source of suffering. And I will say the biggest source of like I think I would say the vast majority of our problems come from shame and the shame is just unnecessary and misguided. And so I see the biggest problem for the people that come to me is this inner critic that is the loudest voice in your life and it is constant and it is unrelenting and it is pointing out everything you do wrong. And I know for myself it was the same and just lowering the voice on that is the most freeing. Like I felt like I used to live in a mental prison. It was like I could not get away from this voice. And it was constantly telling me how horrible I was. And like if nothing else changed in my life just turning down the volume on that was like oh God, maybe I can breathe a little bit without beating myself up. So I love that. I mean that the dirty pain is really what we focus on is like how do we just stop this and give ourselves a little bit of compassion and that changes everything. It changes what you think is possible for yourself.

Definitely and I think, though this program is ostensibly set to work with people who are looking to make a career change, I mean, you start with mindset and while it's sort of set out to start with people who think they wanna make a change in career, literally realizing that I have some control not over my circumstances but over how I receive those circumstances, perceive those circumstances, have the thoughts in response to those circumstances that then determine my life experience. That I have agency in that. And I can choose how I alter my perspective, how I choose to perceive my circumstances in a way that serves me instead of a way that adds to my misery. Getting that mindset work out of this program has literally changed my life, Goli. I mean, it's not just in career. It changes how I show up. Meghan, just like you said, with my family, with my kids, it's made me a better parent. It's made me a better friend. It's made me a better wife. I mean, all of that, the mindset work is transformative.

Ugh you’re gonna make me cry on this podcast.

I know, I'm already tearing up.

That makes me so happy to hear because that is the point of it. And I think that this is a portal is through career but really what the reason I I wanna scream about this from like the top of every mountain is from my from my own experience as well you know. It's not as though it's like I I just felt like I discovered a secret to life for myself and I feel like it did shift everything for me too. How I showed up as a mother, how I showed up as a wife, how I showed up in my career, how how I showed up for myself. And so I feel like I wanna shake everybody. I mean, like you don't have to live in that kind of suffering anymore. It really it just swells my heart to hear that that it has and and the ripple effects that that has that on your family and the way they see you show up and then they start. It's just so good. Thank you, Arlette.

Yeah, thank you.

My absolute pleasure. Lara, what about you and your journey?

Yeah, I took notes to add to everything that people were saying. Yeah, definitely the it affects every area. Like I I have always been a very bad I've been bad at dating, bad in relationships because I'm a people-pleaser and a self-shamer. So I am constantly beating myself up all the time and it has definitely positively affected that in a lot. Like setting boundaries, people-pleasing, shaming myself I really don't do it anymore. Like it might start and that's huge like my shame monkey was like a gorilla on my like it was like a huge monkey on my back. And for me, one of the most important things was like the whole feeling overwhelmed by the fear and feelings and the thought that's telling me shifting so that I actually take action. That was such a huge thing for me that I would get so overwhelmed with like this feeling means I can't do it like the gag and go like no, this feeling means like I'm really nervous about doing it well because I really wanna do it. Like I never get nervous about doing things that I don't care about. You know? Like you never are like oh, I'm really worried I'm not gonna wash my car very well. You know, nobody worries about that. But like knowing that that's actually often a sign that like you're growing and that you're about to do something that's really good for you. That's been wonderful and giving myself recognition and compassion like that when Meghan and I met. Oh yes, the thing that I'm I've decided to do is I'm also I'm going to become a coach which I think maybe I guess I started coaching. [Are a coach.] I am a coach, thank you. What motivated me is cuz I really wanted to see what it was like from this side like I had done a coaching certification and I was like yeah, but I don't I still don't know really what it feels like to actually work on my things and I want to be able to do that well from the other side and the first time that I coach, because I have started coaching. Thank you. [Yay.] Um Goli was again in my head and I was really worried that I would be very advicey and coaching is not it's often not advicey, it's just asking the questions to get to where real you lives and and get in touch with that. I think I coached and then we went into a coaching call and I felt high. I was like talking about how great it was. Absolutely loved it. And so I met with Meghan to try and figure out like what I should be doing to to make the next steps. And I was like yeah, I don't I don't know what experience I have. And then we started listing things and she was she's rolling her eyes right now. [Rolling my eyes.] Well yeah, you know, I wasn't giving myself credit for so many things because I was like well that's not, I mean, that's not the exact thing or, you know, I'm studying to be a marriage and family therapist. And I was like oh I don't I don’t know if I can coach people.

It's so amazing to see the mind. And I, this is why it helps have someone else point it out to you cause in your brain it seems like the truth. Like oh, I don't know what I'm doing even though I have 45 different, you know, things on my resume that is clearly shows I can do this but for all of us, you know, I will say too, I think you raised this before, too. There's so many of us, especially if we were good in school and we like learning where you can buffer with learning, right. You're just sort of it seems productive uh another coach termed it procrastilearning which is like you just keep procrastinating with learning, right? It's like you're just gonna keep being like well I need to one more certificate. I need to do one more thing cause I'm just scared of actually then going out and telling people that I'm a coach. And I need to like work on my thoughts about that instead of learning one more modality or getting one more certificate or whatnot. And so I think there's a lot of people that do that. And I'm so it's been such an honor to watch you actually go from that to like deciding what you wanna do and gag and go, right? Like feeling super scared but doing it, coaching people, starting to tell people that you're a coach, starting that business and doing it without shame with like self-compassion. Ugh it's huge. Right? It's like all of us can to a certain extent. I think for a lot of us, we have been used to using willpower or shame to push ourselves to accomplish things. And that's why we burn out and that's why we hate it and that's why it's such so hustley and learning to do it from like self-love and self-trust and self-compassion and being like can't why aren't I acknowledging what I do know? Why can't I do this? It's such a better way of living, right? It's just such a more gentle way of being with ourselves. And so I love that for you. And I love that you are being an example of that for so many others. As we wrap this up, any final words for somebody that maybe is considering doing the program and, you know, is on the fence. I think oftentimes investing in ourselves is scary. Just some things that maybe you would tell yourself before you decided to join.

I wanna share that when I was actually on the fence about whether or not to join cuz I've never paid for any sort of coaching or anything like that before. And a friend of mine said something to me that changed everything. And she said we have to get away from the notion that the only type of education worth paying for has to come from a college or a university. And that is so true. There is so much valuable training and enrichment that can come from places that are not from established institutions of higher learning. I would say to someone who's sitting on the fence and not sure: do it. You don't know what you don't know. There's no way to tell you to the other side, right? But let me speak to you from the other side and say it's better over here. Come join us because literally someone is offering to spend half of a year presenting you with carefully curated information, dropping you in the middle of a supportive like-minded community and offering to hold your hand and walk you along a path to a better version of yourself. If that is not worth your money, I don't know what is.

I'm gonna you. I'm gonna put that on my sales page. That is the that is the best description of this. Wow, thank you, Arlette.

It's the truth. You're welcome. Thank you.

Couldn't have said it better. I did, I was telling with the education because I'm in an MFT program, I was on the fence and, you know, I'm not working so I was like can I afford it? And I was like well, if I can pay that for school for a semester like why can't I pay for me?

I always think about that. When people ask me like if it's worth it or whatnot. And I'm like you paid that for like four units of a like econ class that you don't remember anything from you know or whatever one class in your college was or a couple of units and you're not willing to do it to use a tool that's gonna change every aspect of your life that you can use for the rest of your life. I mean, it just to me it's the same. It's like a no brainer. And that's why I continue to invest in coaching cuz it's like I can spend my money on all these other bandaids to try to make myself feel better. I could shop. I can spend it on going on vacations which I do spend money on those things. I'm not trying to shame anybody from doing that. It's just that when I started realizing oh, I can pay someone to guide me to a better version of myself. Exactly what you said Arlette. I was like take all my money. Let's see how good we can make this life. Let's do it. I'm here for it.

It helps that, you know, I bet on myself. I bet I bet on myself. And so then that meant well now I gotta do it. Right? Like all of that was the tools are there and so nobody can do it for you. You can't like it's not just gonna be magic. You know, when you walk in like oh, everybody's just gonna like pull you along. And you'll just, you know, magically absorb all these amazing life changes. You have to do the work. But all of the I mean all of the tools are there from like setting aside time to work on the material and then the accountability groups to talk through it. You know, you have to show up for all of those things but yeah, the tools the tools are there and you can pick up as long as you wanna pick 'em up.

Oh my goodness. I love that. Thank you ladies so so much. Thank you for letting me be part of your journey. It's been such an honor and for coming on and sharing with everybody. Lara, since you are a coach now, where can people find you to come get some one-on-one coaching?

Yes. Well, I in the coaching call yesterday, I said now I'm a Goli because I have I have to figure out all of the things and make a website and everything which I have not done yet. So I will just tell you my email which is Lara Lazo Coley,

Perfect and we will put that in the show notes. And if, you know, when if you join the program and you wanna do a business, I will not let you waste time with websites and all this other stuff, we will lovingly push you to just get started. So Lara was not allowed to waste time and she is now a working coach which is amazing. So I will link to your email in the show notes in case people couldn't write it down so you could just get it at the show notes for this episode. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much, ladies. It's been such an honor to chat with you.

Thanks Goli.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for listening. If you liked this episode, share it with someone else. I promise you know somebody who also hates their job and wants to quit, so why not share the love? And if you want to come follow along for more, come join me on Instagram at LessonsFromAQuitter and make sure you say hi. I'll see you next week for another episode.