Your coworker has bought into the belief that like this is the only way to be stable and you're crazy for leaving it. And you already think you're crazy for leaving. So of course when somebody else is telling you that, it solidifies that thought as if it's a true thought.

Hey, welcome to Lessons From a Quitter where we believe that it is never too late to start over. No matter how much time or energy you spent getting to where you are, if ultimately you are unfulfilled, then it is time to get out. Join me each week for both inspiration and actionable tips so that we can get you on the road to your dreams.

Hello my friends, welcome to another episode of Lessons From a Quitter. I am so excited to have you here. Last week, as you all know, I talked a lot about the fact that like I went to Mexico for a Mastermind event and I'm a part of a group that's a Mastermind group for six months, filled with some brilliant coaches who are scaling their coaching business. And I regularly invest in and join groups that are doing the things that I want to be doing or the things that I am currently doing. And I have seen the power of just putting myself in that room. Literally not even doing anything else but just surrounding myself with people who are doing the things I want to do. And I made a post about it on Instagram when I got back. And I got a lot of questions about how to find those rooms, how to put yourself in, um, the value of it. And so I figured I would do a longer podcast episode about it instead of just an Instagram post because I think it's that important, probably one of the most important secrets to any success that I have found since I have left the law. So I want to talk about finding your community and why it's so integral to your success. So I did a book review on Atomic Habits by James Clear a long time ago, if you're a long-time listener. And it was interesting when I read that book because I had inadvertently been doing something that has been studied and been proven to be one of the biggest indicators of success for any goal that you have. And he talks about it in the book that like if you want to be successful at changing a certain habit and setting goals and becoming a different person, right, becoming a person like not just running that marathon but becoming a runner. Like if you want to change your identity in a certain way, then one of the most important pillars of doing that is putting yourself in a community with like-minded people. Okay. And it's easy to see why, if you're trying to go on a health journey, if you want to start eating clean let's say and you are only surrounded by your friends who eat fast food every single day, there's only so much willpower that you're going to have. Do you know what I mean? There's only so much of your own convincing yourself of what you want and keeping up that motivation because motivation or willpower doesn't last, we all know that. And that's why so many of us fail at the goals that we set is because we're in the same environments that we've always been in. And we were trying to change some part of our identity. And when we start having these doubts or when we start thinking it's too hard or like oh, that hamburger really does look good and everybody else is eating it. And everybody else is telling you like oh, that salad looks disgusting, like just have some fries, your willpower is only going to sustain you for so long. Now, if you are surrounded by a bunch of people who are also eating clean, it makes it a lot easier, right? Another example I like to give is like thinking about people who want to start running a marathon, right? And this, for whatever reason seems to be like a common goal for people that have never done it, like decide like you know what, I'm going to push myself. I'm going to do this. Now, if your friends, even if they're well-intentioned, even if they want to support you, okay. If they've never run a marathon, they're inadvertently, not that they're like trying to be mean, right, that they're inadvertently going to project their own fears and doubts onto you. They're going to ask questions that are going to start seeding some doubts. Like are you sure you can do this? Like is this good for your knees? Are you sure you're young enough to be able to run 26 miles? Why do you want to do this? And after a while that negativity, whether they're like meaning it or not, really starts increasing our own doubt that we already have like you already have that fear that maybe I'm too old. Maybe my knees can't withstand this much running. Maybe it's not worth the amount of pain I’m putting my body through. Okay. And so it's obvious that like if you're around people that don't get it or aren't doing it, right. I think another thing is just like if you have to get up on a Saturday morning and run for two hours, you're going to run like 10 miles, 15 miles or whatever and the rest of your friends are going to brunch, it's going to be really hard to keep that schedule. It's really easy to start thinking like oh, well maybe I'll just skip this week. Maybe I'll skip this run because like I didn't hang out with them last weekend. So I should hang out with them this weekend, as opposed to, if you're in a group with runners who all have training schedules that look like yours, who are all going to get up on a Saturday morning and go for a run, come becomes a lot easier to meet them for that run. So even when you wake up on Saturday and you don't want to do it, you're going to get up and go. Right. And I've been thinking a lot about my own, you know, I don't like to quote unquote success but like really my journey from leaving the law and when I left the law and I'll talk about how it kind of, I started this, but like getting into a lot of different meetup groups. And that's how I started going to these tech startup events. And that's where even the idea of my photo booth company like took hold. I really started exploring and figuring maybe I can do this. And it was a hundred percent because I went to these tech startup events every week, without it there's no chance in hell that I would have started that business. Starting that business was an act of really standing on the shoulders of other people who had started hardware and software companies and could kind of help me with that. And when I started the podcast, I found podcast groups to put myself in. I found, you know, women podcast groups and podcast groups for our businesses. And I learned from the people that were doing it and I made the learning curve and I shortened it for myself. And it's one of the reasons that my podcast ever saw the light of day because other people, like I said, had the belief that of course I should put a podcast out. I wasn't trying to like convince my friends would never done a podcast that podcasting was the best idea. Cause they probably had a lot of thoughts. Like what? Why do you wanna do a podcast? And they could have been really supportive too but it's like what is this for? Like if you listened to the episode with my husband, even my husband was like I don't get it. Like why do you want to do a podcast? You have this other business, right? It wasn't until I was around other people that were doing podcasts that were like of course you should do a podcast. Everybody should do a podcast. It's amazing. I was like yeah, maybe I should. I really should. This is a good idea, Goli. And then when I started coaching, I started putting myself in groups with coaches, other coaches, other business coaches, life coaches. And when I started building this business, I started putting myself in group with coaches that were building businesses. And that's the only reason that I've been able to build and scale this business as quickly as I have and why I will continue to grow it. Now I want to talk about why, like for each of those things, really what I gained from being in those groups and why I think it's vital to anything that you do to be surrounded by the people that are doing that thing.

So one of the obvious reasons, and one of the reasons I think we all join in the first place is that you learn like the tactics, right? You learn the strategy. A lot of times why we go is because I want you to teach me. Right. I want to learn from you how you built this business. Like the nuts and bolts, you know, with podcasting, for instance, I went to like learn, okay, what kind of mic do I need to use? What kind of software do we use? Like how do I set this up? How do I get the podcast onto like how do I get an RSS feed? All of the things. And like it's obviously smart to go to a place where people have done it because they can answer your questions. And so there definitely is that right? It shortens the learning curve. They can tell you what you need to do. And another really wonderful thing about this is like they can make the connections. You don't have to reinvent the wheel. So like when I was doing the photo booth company, it was through these tech startup events. I would talk to people about what I wanted to do and each person because they were in, you know, other tech businesses would say like oh, I have a manufacturer. If you're trying to manufacture a photo booth, here's the number for my manufacturer. Maybe he knows somebody, I don't know if he can do it, but you can call him. Right. It gave me a starting point for someone to be like oh, you need software. This guy, come talk to this guy, he has a company and they do software. Maybe he can help you build your app. And so they made the connections for me. I didn't have to just like go on these down these Google rabbit holes. It was the same thing with the podcast. People were like oh, you want an editor? Here are some great editors that are can edit your podcast. They can help you like get it to go live whatever. And it's the same thing now with the coaching business, whether it's just the nuts and bolts of like okay, you want to house your course, here's the software that we use. You want to, you know, create videos for your course or worksheets, do it this way. You want to start selling, like this is the marketing plan. You can look at this person and they teach you how to sell on Instagram. So you start kind of like using their collective knowledge and their experience to not have to reinvent the wheel. And it gives you kind of that strategy.

So that's like the base level. And I think that's what gets people in is like well, I need to learn how to do a coaching business so I should go learn from people that have coaching businesses, how to do that. But I think that's the least important reason. You can do it and it's great, but I think the real value, the second reason is that they show you what's possible. We only reach for the highest rung that we think is possible on the ladder. I was thinking about this recently in the business group that I'm in. And just even with coaching, if I hadn't seen other coaches, you know, show that they're making 300, 400, $500,000 a year, a million, 2 million, $5 million a year with small audiences, not like the Tony Robbins of the world, but like people that were sustainably building a business with their small audience and making multiple six or seven figure businesses, I would never even think that that's a possibility, like that would never be my goal. You would never hear me say I'm going to have a seven-figure business. Right. Because it would sound so insane because my brain wouldn't even be able to think that thought. And the only reason I can do it is because I see what is possible. I see that other people have done it. And so I can think like of course, if she can do it, why can't I? And that's exactly what they tell you in these groups, right? The point of being in this group is like I know you think it's crazy but it's not. It was the same thing when I was doing podcasting, right. Or even actually like going back with the photo booth company, I had never wanted to be an entrepreneur. I never thought I could be an entrepreneur. I had no zero business background. And if you've listened to like my first episode and some of the subsequent ones that I've talked about, like with my husband, I had a lot of thoughts about how bad business was. And I just like really wanted to stay away from it.

And it wasn't until I started going to these groups and watching these people and really seeing, and I'm not, and this might come across as mean, I'm not trying to be mean in any way. I saw people that were just normal people that didn't know what they were doing, build businesses. Right. I saw a lot of people where I thought like everybody that was starting a business had an MBA or had some kind of experience or had something I didn't have, which allowed them to start a business. And when I started seeing like nope, just normal people that had an idea that decided to start it and like I would talk to them and I'm like I'm just as smart and resourceful and hard-working and persistent and diligent. There's no reason I can't do it. It started letting me see what's possible. I was like maybe I can start a business for myself. Maybe I can work for myself and control my own schedule. Like I would love that. I just didn't know that was possible. And so being in these groups really allows you to see, wait a minute, maybe I'm dreaming a little too small here. Maybe I'm limiting myself because I didn't even know that this was a thing. And now that I see other people do it, I'm like yeah, I would like that. I can kind of open myself up to like is that something I want? And that leads me to number three. So like beyond seeing what's possible, I think the biggest, most important reason to be in these groups is that you get to borrow their beliefs when you don't have those beliefs. Okay. And what I mean by that is we're all filled with fear and doubt.
Okay. It's normal. It's the way our brain works. It's our negativity bias. We're afraid of what we don't know. We’re afraid of everything that can go wrong. And when you're around other people who have never done it, those fears seem very real, right? Like I get this all the time. I did the same thing so I'm not saying like I get it just from my clients, it was my own experience. But when I wanted to quit and when I hear people that want to quit, they're constantly talking to me about like what their parents are telling them or what their friends are telling them or what their coworkers are telling them. I'm like of course they don't believe. That's why they're in a nine to five. Like that's why they're still stuck in the job they hate. Your coworker has bought into the belief that like this is the only way to be stable and you're crazy for leaving it. And you already think you're crazy for leaving. So of course when somebody else is telling you that, it solidifies that thought as if it's a true thought but it's just a thought. And when you're around other people who have done it, who realize that your thought is just a thought and it's not true. And they tell you in such a, like it's so funny, it's like in such a flippant way, like of course you can do this. Of course you could start a business. Of course you could have a multiple six-figure coaching business. Why wouldn't you be able to? For a minute, it like allows you to see what's possible and hold on to that belief, even if you're not there yet. I remember when I started the photo booth company, I was very much filled with the thought that like there's no way I can start a business. And it really took so many people that I was talking about the idea with to be like that's a great idea, why don't you do? Of course you can start that. Of course you can figure out manufacturing. It's not that hard. You think it's a ton of steps. It's not. Like just call around, start seeing what happens. And when they would say things like that, I was like yeah, maybe they're right. Maybe it's not as hard as I think it is. And it would borrow that belief. They're like maybe this is something I can do. And when I started doing the podcast, it was the same thing. I've I have talked about how I wanted to do the podcast for two years. And it was just me in my head, you know, like talking about it with my husband, not with anybody else. And it wasn't until I started joining podcasting groups and I would talk about it, like just free Facebook groups. And everybody was like of course you should do that, that is absolutely needed. Because I was like well, there's already some career podcasts. And I don't know if like there's already people talking about this and who's going to listen to me and I don't have an audience and blah, blah, blah, blah. And it wasn't until like people were like yes, you need to do this. This is going to be amazing. People need to hear this. Then I started thinking like wait, maybe they're right. Maybe this is needed. Maybe I can make this work. And when people would say like of course you can make a business out of a podcast. Cause I kept thinking well, I'm not going to be like Joe Rogan. Like yeah, he makes money but most people don't. It wasn't until I started seeing their beliefs that I was like wait a second, maybe that belief, maybe my belief is wrong. And how could theirs be the right one? I'm not there yet but I'm just going to borrow it for a second. Right. I'm just going to be like here's a possibility. And I realized I'm doing the same exact thing right now with the group that I'm in. Like I can talk a big game and put it out there. Like I'm going to have a million-dollar business. And I honestly don't, at this point, have doubts that it can happen or like will happen and when that will be. But one, I didn't just get here. I think like for a long time, I was like well maybe, you know, if I, if I just made a hundred thousand dollars, that would be perfect. Like that's all I need. And it wasn't until other people were like why? Oh my God, it could be so much bigger than that. Why would you stop at that? Why would that be your goal? Why don't you want to make a million dollars? Then I started like really questioning. Yeah, why don't I want to make it bigger? Why don't I want to impact more people? Why am I limiting myself? And when I started like seeing their beliefs in what is possible, in how many people I could help and how many people they help and how many, how much money they make and the type of lifestyles. Even for instance, a really good one, I think being in a coaching group has been so mind-blowing for me because being in the tech space, there was like this adopted belief that like yeah, entrepreneurship is a grind and like you can do it and you can make money, but like you're going to work a lot. And that was just the accepted belief. And of course, I kind of took that unquestioned and having come from a background of law, where you’re also putting in insane hours, I was like well, I can, I can handle that. And I really thought more about like okay, this is like what it takes to be an entrepreneur. And now I'm in a place with a bunch of people who manage their minds and really push their mind to like find beliefs that you can think any thought and create that result. It's a bunch of people who are like yeah, I'm going to make multiple six figures and I work four days a week, I work 20 hours a week, I work 30 hours. Right. And in the beginning I was like that's not possible, that, you're just saying that. And then I started seeing it and I'm like wait, what if it is possible? What if I don't have to sacrifice anything? What if I could decide that I'm going to make a lot of money and also not work that much and not stress myself that much and not kill myself and not be, you know, an insane person with stress and burnout and hating my life. I would have never thought of that until I saw them doing it, until I saw them having those beliefs where I was like let me just borrow that belief for a little while. Is it possible? Maybe it's possible. I don't know, I haven't proved it to myself yet. But maybe if I do believe that it's possible, then I can start going to work figuring out how to create it. Because if I don't believe it's possible, you better be sure that I'm not going to create that for myself. Honestly, the biggest takeaway I've had with these groups is, I don't even care about the process or the tactic or the strategies or any of that, all of that's like the cherry on top. It's great, but it's just having them show me what's possible and letting me borrow those beliefs. Letting me say like let me just sit with this for awhile. Let me just marinate in this group and see if it'll just rub off on me, these thoughts. I’m like yeah, why am I telling myself it has to be hard and long hours? And I can only make a certain amount? Why have I accepted that? The last reason that I think it's so important is that you have people to lean on, right. Doing life and business and anything alone is not fun. We are all going to have peaks and valleys in anything you do. Life is 50/50, your business is 50/50. You're going to have good times. You're gonna have motivation. You're going to have bad times. You're gonna have procrastination. You're going to have times where you feel crazy or you feel like it's all too hard. And you're more likely to stick to it if there are people that you can lean on when you're going through those downtimes, like you may not need it as much when you're celebrating. But what happens when you get into the kind of valley where you're thinking this isn't worth it. I can never do this. I'm not smart enough for this. I'm a failure, whatever, all the thoughts. It's so helpful to have other people be like that's not true. You don't have to believe that. Like let me help you. I think that's the only reason I've been able to do what I have in the last seven years, six years is because every time I was going through one of those periods, there was somebody I could talk to about it.

And it wasn't just like a friend who didn't understand what I was doing. Like I love my friends. They've been very supportive as well, but I knew they couldn't understand, you know, when I talked to them about feeling burned out or having imposter syndrome for showing up on Instagram Live. They don't get it because they don't go on Instagram Live and they might agree with me like oh my God, yeah, I hate being on social media. I hate showing my face. Because that's what they've done, you know? Like a lot of people don't like that. So I need to be around people who are showing me ways of like, you know, why are you scared to be seen? Why do you let the opinions of other people stop you from this dream that you have, like push back and like just give me support. You start realizing, you know, a lot of times in our own brain like everything's a catastrophe, everything's a huge deal. Like you try to, you know, sign a client and that person says no. Or you feel icky about even saying your price or you don't want to show up on Instagram Live. And you think it's like the hardest thing in the world to get over and they show you like it's really not that big of a deal. Like yeah, of course we've all gone through that. I felt that same way. And just knowing that other people feel that way is comforting. Like okay, I'm not crazy. This is hard. And I can do hard things. And so if I haven't convinced you, I don't know what will, but I think that one of the keys to any success is surrounding yourself with the people that are doing the thing you want. It doesn't have to be in business just in business. Like I was saying, you know, if you want a health goal, if you want to run a marathon, if you want to parent in a certain way, get in the groups with those people. Stop trying to like convince your family of the thing that you want to do.

And so I got a lot of questions of how do you find these communities, right? How do I find my people? And I'm gonna give you some tips. The first tip I have is that you have to be willing to seek a community even before you know what you want to be a part of. Okay? For some of you, you have no idea what you want to do and you still need to be in a community to figure that out. So when I left the law, I had no idea, zero idea what I was going to do. Like I said, I hadn't chosen entrepreneurship. And what I started doing was I just started going to a ton of meetups. Now this was obviously pre- pandemic so you could go in person, but I just started going because I went with the idea, I didn't realize I was doing this, I was like well, let me see what other people do for work, because I have no idea what is even out there. I don't even know what I can do. So I literally would just look up meetups in my area and see what sounded interesting. And I went to so many that were so awkward for me. Like I had no business being there, everybody there was like an engineer or something. And I was like no, I'm just here to check it out. And it was willing to make myself uncomfortable and trust me, it was like the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done. Even though it seems I might be outgoing, I'm very, I think most people, like nobody likes awkward networking. Nobody likes it. And yet I was like well, I gotta figure this thing out. So let me put myself out there and meet people.

And it was through going through all of these meetups that I started paying attention to myself, like watching myself and like where that spark would come, where I would feel excited, which ones I liked. Which ones I would go to and have conversations and be like I really enjoyed talking to those people. And so I started going to more of those, right? Like I started finding, it's so funny cause I would always say I don't have a creative bone in my body. And I don't identify as a creative in the sense of like drawing, illustration, you know, graphic design. But I started finding like when I would go to those events, I loved the people there. I loved what they were doing. I loved how excited they were. So I just kept going to more of those. And those eventually led me to some startup ones. And then when I went to the startup ones was when I was like oh my God, all these people love what they're doing. Is that possible? I honestly didn't think that was possible. Cause I'd only ever gone to legal networking events. And even when I went to like other professional ones, people didn't seem as happy. They didn't seem as excited. When I started going to these tech startup ones, like people were amped and it's contagious. I was like oh my God, this is so fun. Everybody is so excited about, you know, idea they have or the company they're going to start. And that was like where it started planting the seed of maybe I want to start a company. And you know, that took a couple of months, it's not like the first time I went. But I was willing to start before I knew what I wanted. And so I want you to think about like what community can you get into right now that you might even be a part of, right? Like let's say you're a mom or let's say your nationality. Like I looked at some Persian, like young professionals in the area kind of meetups or people you want to be around. Even if you're not a part of that community, maybe you like comic books and you want to go to a comic book or you want to be, thought about podcasting and you find a podcasting group to go to even if you're not a podcaster. Just start identifying like some groups of people that are doing things that you think are cool or that you want to know more about and put yourself in those rooms. The second tip is like you have to be willing to try out a bunch. I have this motto with like programs even that I buy and like Masterminds and groups, I have to be willing to kiss a lot of frogs to find my prince. Cause I've realized like when I take programs, courses, um, join communities, there's a bunch that are just not going to be for me. And that's okay. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with that program. It might not be where I'm at in my journey. But I found the ones that changed my life and I realized like I'm not going to hit it out of the park every time. There's no way for me to know if it's for me until I join it. And so I have to be willing to go to a bunch where I'm like mm, that wasn't the best or it wasn't for me. And then when I find the one I'm like oh, it was worth kissing all those frogs to get to this.

I felt like that with the meetups. Right. I went to tons of events where I was like well, that was a waste of an hour. And it's really easy to get caught in that, well I don't want to waste my time. I remember at the time, like, you know, I had a newborn, I didn't really get out that much. And so when I would go to a meet up event that kind of sucked for me, I was like oh, what a waste of a night. But I knew that like there's no way for me to find good ones if I don't try all these. How would I know just based off the description whether this is going to be a good event or not. And so you have to be willing to try a bunch, kind of dating. Like you have to go around and see which one, like who do you match with? And the third tip is like you have to be willing to invest. Now there are tons of free groups. And I would say start with those. And right now with the pandemic, like that might just be a Facebook group. Like find the groups that you resonate with or you want to be a part of, enjoying them and get involved. Don't like just be a wallflower. You can be in the beginning but get involved. And then understand that you have to be willing to invest. And I'm going to tell you why, because everybody in that group shows up differently when they have money invested, okay. This is studied, right, we don't value free. And I want you to think about the way you show up, like if you're in a free Facebook group, you're not checking it every day. You might check it once in a while. You might go in there if you need something and then you forget about it and you don't go back and you don't ask your question, you don't push yourself. You're like eh, I don't want to like sound stupid. You know, you get out what you put in. So if like you're not doing anything and that's what everybody is doing in that group, maybe there's a couple of really outgoing people and they're like posting stuff. But for the most part, you're not cultivating that community. But when you invest, let's say you're in a program and you've seen this all the time, like right now with the program that I'm in, everybody's in that Facebook group every day asking for help being like this is the problem I have, what is the solution? Other people are helping because we've all invested a ton of money into this program. And so it's like we're going to make this work. I'm going to get out what I need. And in order to get that out, I have to put in. Right. And so I think that sometimes we're running after like all the free stuff. And again, I understand in the beginning when you maybe don't know what it is you want to do, you are going to kind of like test out. That's totally fine. But I would say like once you know the type of community you want to be in, be willing to invest in that, because that will provide you with a group that is invested as equally as you and willing to give you the help and the support and their time. Right? Like put in their own time because they've also invested and that's what makes I think a lot of groups successful. So that's just like the third tip is, so the first tip is be willing to seek out a community before you even know what you want. Tip two is be willing to try out a bunch and tip three is be willing to invest. And I promise you, if you do those three things, you'll start finding groups that will blow your mind. That you're like I cannot believe I get to hang out with these people. Like this is the coolest thing. This made my life so much easier, this took off years of frustration and that was worth whatever the investment was for me. And so I want you to go out there and find a community that you can join. And if you are looking to quit, I want to offer that my community is the best to join. Like I want you to sign up for the next round for the wait list for Stuck to Strategy. I can't tell you how heartwarming it is for me to watch how much the group helps each other out. Like every one of my groups has a core group of people who end up continuing on with each other, like checking in, constantly helping each other, having accountability meetups, because they found the group of people that are trying to do the same thing as them. I think for a lot of people that joined my group, they want to quit. And everybody around them thinks they're crazy. Everybody around them thinks that it's dangerous or silly or naive or whatever the thought is. And so they stay stuck forever in a job they hate. Until they start joining this group of other people who are like yeah, I also don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to only wait for the weekends or until I retire. I don't want to hate what I'm doing every day. I want to be excited. And when you have other people that are doing the same thing, it helps realize that you're not crazy for wanting that, that you're not being childish or risky I guess, like you're not risking your future by deciding that there's something else that's possible. And when you see other people taking those steps and doing the scary thing and pushing out and quitting and starting the business or going after the other job, it starts showing you that like hey, this is possible. It's not crazy. I do want the same, like same thing that these people want and I know that like together, I don't have to do it alone. I can do it with them. So that the times that I am feeling alone and crazy, they will help me. So I would love to have you in the next round of Stuck to Strategy, it's going to be so good, I’m making some changes. It's going to be, have a facelift. It's going to be, um, incredible. So if you want to sign up for the waitlist so that you are notified, you can go to lessonsfromaquitter.com/unstuck and sign up for the waitlist. I hope to see there but even if you don't join, get out there, join some communities, find some people that are doing the thing you want to do and get in that room. Alright my friends, I hope this helped and I will see you next week for another episode.

Thank you so much for listening. If you liked this episode, share it with someone else. I promise you know somebody who also hates their job and wants to quit, so why not share the love? And if you want to come follow along for more, come join me on Instagram at LessonsFromAQuitter and make sure you say hi. I'll see you next week for another episode.