10 lessons I've learned
[00:00:00] Hello my friends and welcome to another episode. I'm so excited to have you here. If you didn't catch my last episode, I did an episode all about why I am going on a sabbatical at the beginning of 2026. So this episode's coming out at the end of 2025, and I will be taking, I don't know, three months, six months off next year.
Um, and I talk all about why I'm doing that and what I hope to gain from that. Before I leave you, I've been thinking about like what I wanted the last two episodes to be before I stopped making podcasts for the first time in seven years. Which is crazy to say like I honestly cannot believe that I've been doing this for almost seven years.
I am close to 400 episodes in, I remember when I started, I. Was hoping to beat, they, they had this thing called pod fade where most, it was like an insane amount, like 80% of podcasts don't ever make it past episode seven. So my [00:01:00] goal was to just make it eight episodes and here we are, 400 episodes in. And I will do a podcast next week all about that kind of wide wild journey.
But I figured I was really thinking about like. What do I wanna leave people with? If, you know, this is one of my final episodes and you wanna listen to it again and again. I really wanna, I wanted to think about like, what are the lessons that I wish everybody, I could just tattoo on your brains that I wish I could just deeply get people to understand?
And I came with a, with a list of 10, it was very difficult to, um, narrow it down because. There are so many things I want people to take away, and there are so many lessons, and I will say obviously as an overarching thing if you. Are not new here, then you know that everything is about mindset for me.
So these lessons really are about how you approach your life through a lens of mindset and controlling your own thoughts and doing thought work and that kind of stuff. So I [00:02:00] didn't include that in the list. Obviously that's the main thing is. Focus on your mindset. Everything else flows from that. But I did want to leave you with the things that I really wish after coaching hundreds of people and doing this for so many years and talking to so many of you and seeing the same issues come up over and over again for each person.
I, I really want you to walk away from this with these hard earned lessons, and I want you to listen to this over and over and over again until you truly can. Uh, embody these things and really incorporate them into your life. And I tried to like go through and be like, put 'em in order, like, most important, least important.
It was too hard. They're all very important. So there's, it's in no particular order. It's not to say that one is more important, it's just the things that I really want you to know as you go through your life over the next six months without me, even though there will be podcasts, there will be replays of other episodes that I think you should listen to.
These are the things I really want you to know. [00:03:00] Okay. Number one, the first lesson that I want everyone to really understand is that none of this is real. None of the society that we are living in is real or natural. It's all made up. And the reason I want you to understand that, truly understand that it is, I understand that we have to live in that society and that's okay, but we don't have to shame ourselves for not doing it perfectly, for having a hard time because it was not the way that humans were meant to live.
We have been, humans have been around for hundreds of thousands of years, and for the most majority, 95% of our existence, we were hunter gatherers. In the last little bit, we've created these societies where we've created work and we have to work 40 hours a week and we have to sit in front of a computer and we have to con force our brain to concentrate.
And none of our body parts in our brains was made for this. And so there's no wonder [00:04:00] that you struggle with it, that you struggle with focusing or productivity or whatever. And I think a lot of times we take that as there is something wrong with me and there isn't, there's something wrong with this system.
This is not the what. Was meant for us. And we do have to figure out a way to survive in it and to live in it and to thrive in it. But we don't have to shame our way through it. We don't have to keep telling ourselves that we're failing, we're behind. Like I am the only one that can't keep up. All of those are lies, and I think that when you realize that none of this is natural, it is easier to allow yourself to not get involved in the group.
Think of more and more, more hustle, hustle, hustle, and really think about what is natural, right? Seasons are natural. Like of course at some points I'm gonna be more tired than at others. Of course, sometimes my mood is gonna be higher and sometimes it's not. Of course I need rest. Like the more you can get back to what is natural to humans, and I'm not saying like you need to go out and live in the woods.
What I mean is like, have you been outside at all to see the sun? Have you. Taking time to rest for yourself. [00:05:00] Like what does your body need, the easier it can become to survive in this insanity that we all find ourselves in. The second lesson is that everything that you feel or experience or are, is normal.
Everything. I have this lesson as how human of me. 'Cause if you've been around, you know, that's one of my favorite mantras is how human of you to be jealous or petty or judgmental or lazy or inconsistent or tired or impatient, or anything that is, these are all natural human emotions and tendencies.
We are not robots. We are not meant to be. You are never gonna become this perfect person. Nobody even wants you to be. Nobody likes being around someone. That's perfect. We just need you to be human and I need you to remember that. So if you, you can take one mantra away from me. It's how human of me, how human of me to have lost it on my kids today.
Right? It doesn't mean I can't [00:06:00] repair it. Doesn't mean I can't go and tell them like, Hey, I. That was my bad. I shouldn't have acted like that. I got really upset and my anger took over, but it, I don't also have to guilt and shame myself to tell myself I'm a terrible mother. I can understand that I'm a very normal mother who has highs and lows, right?
This happens in every single area, and I think, again, I've coached so many people and that one of the reasons I loved group coaching, and I hear this over and over again in group coaching, is. We all love to think that it's just us. But you come into group coaching and you see, oh my gosh, everybody has the same thoughts, everybody has the same fears, everyone has the same problems.
And one of the beauties of that is it shows you just how human you are, that you're not unique in that way, that you are flawed. We all are. And when you can see that and realize there's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing broken about you, there's nothing that needs to, that you need to fix in order to be able to love yourself.
You are just a human being. It can make things a lot easier. The third lesson I want you to take away is [00:07:00] that you are only ever seeing a very small amount of your reality. Okay? You have concocted a story about everything. Based on less than 10% of the information, less than 5% probably. Right? And yet you go around saying like, this is the truth.
I am this, I am not this based on very, very little evidence. Okay? And one of the most important skills you can do is expand that lens and to see more of the evidence. And so what I mean by that is like people will constantly tell me, I'm not consistent. It's laughable because human beings are the most consistent animals ever, right?
You are consistent in a million things. You're consistent with your job. You eat, you brush your teeth, you make food, you make sure your kids get to school. You do a million things that are with consistency. You dress yourself, you brush your hair, you take regular showers, you, whatever it is, a million.
You do all the stuff that you need to do. You regularly go to the dentist or the [00:08:00] doctor or a million, a plethora of other things. And yet you look at like, well, I didn't work out this week. So see, I knew I wasn't consistent. And then you create this story of like, I'm not consistent. We do this with everything.
I'm lazy because I like to lay. I don't look at the fact that, again, I make dinner every day for my kids and I make sure their school lunches are packed and I make sure they get off to school and I run this business and I do all this stuff. Like I'll just create a story that like, because I would rather lay on the couch than go out.
For a run. I'm a lazy person and so I, I can't express how important it is to just show your brain evidence of whatever, of the opposite of what you believe. Whatever you think about yourself, whatever you think about other people, just try like, is there another story there? How is it true that the opposite is so like if you think you're lazy, just ask yourself, how is it true that I'm not lazy and come up with that evidence?
'cause I promise you it's there. This is why a gratitude practice has been proven by science to be like one of the most effective things that changing [00:09:00] your life. Because when you start then scanning for all the things that you get to be grateful for. Right. You start seeing more of it. You just are showing yourself a bigger lens of what's happening in your life.
Think about when you have a bad day, one thing goes wrong and you're like, oh, this is the worst day. But 99% of things went right. You got to work on time. You didn't get in a car accident, you didn't get fired. You came home, you didn't burn yourself. When you were making dinner, like a million things went right, but because one thing went wrong, you look at like.
This was a terrible day, right? And you wanna just start seeing, like moving that lens a little bit to see the other side. That is a practice. You have to try to force yourself to see that. You have to ask yourself those questions. Like, what else could be true here? Number four, I think we're on for you.
I'm looking at my list. You're gonna make mistakes. It's such an obvious one. Of course, you realize that intellectually you understand it, and yet so many of you are. Out here beating yourself up because you dropped a ball on something or you made a silly error, or you forgot something, or maybe you made a [00:10:00] big error.
Going back to like how human of you, of course you're gonna make mistakes. That is part of being human and the sooner that you can accept that, the easier your life will be. Compassion is the key here, right? It's, I'm gonna do the best I can and then I can forgive myself for the rest. I can forgive myself for being human.
Number five, it's worth it even if it doesn't work out. I see so many people keep themselves paralyzed for years or decades because of this worry that. It won't work. What if I'm not successful? What if I fail at this? And you're so obsessed with this destination that the only way it could be worth it is if I get here and I get the money or married or the kids or whatever it is.
And I really want you to realize how much beauty and growth and, treasure is in [00:11:00] that journey to get there, even if you don't make it right. So let's say you want to build a business, and even if the business doesn't become successful, who you become as a person in that journey is worth it. Proving to yourself that you can take risks and survive, even if it doesn't work, letting yourself try new things, learning skills like marketing and sales, and, backend business stuff and counting on yourself and pushing past the self-doubt and becoming someone that's disciplined and sticking to things. There's so many reasons why something is worth it other than simply getting whatever the result is. We see our lives in these binaries of like success, failure, and there's so much gray area between that.
And so when you start really looking at like, how can it be worth it to go after this goal to dream of a bigger life, to go after that bigger life, to push myself to do these things, whether it actually happens or not, it is so worth it. You just have to find the reasons why it's worth it so that you can motivate yourself to do it.[00:12:00]
Number six, it's always 50 50. You know, this is a big one. I talk about this all the time. If you're in my program, it's. What I will harp on forever. There is nothing in this world, in this human experience that you can do that will make you feel good all the time. Nothing. So stop searching for that. Stop thinking when I get X I'm gonna feel great.
When I lose the weight, when I make this much money, when I get married, when I get the degree, it will not, you will get there and you'll have a new set of problems. You'll get there and it'll be a different set of stressors, and that's okay. It's not to say that you, again, we talked about it could be worth it to get there anyways.
It can be worth it for the growth, but don't do it thinking that you can't be happy until you get there. You can be happy here. 50% of the time and 50% of the time you're gonna deal with stress and you're gonna deal with bullshit and you're gonna deal with all the other stuff. And when you can truly understand this, I think it actually makes life so much easier because I think so many of us are chasing [00:13:00] and working so hard and putting off our joy and putting off our happiness and our rest because we're like, if I just work hard enough, I'll get to this place.
And then I can be happy and then I can put my feet up and we waste so much of our life. And then we get there and we're extremely disillusioned. 'cause it's like, wait, I got here and I still have the same brain and I still have the same, I'm the same person and I have another set of stresses. And so you really wanna get to this place where you realize like, I can do this for other reasons, but I know when I get there it won't be.
Rainbows and butterflies, and so maybe I can love it here more. Maybe I can chill here more. Maybe I can just be happy here while I work towards that. Understanding this concept and accepting it can truly, I think, liberate you off of this idea of needing to fix everything in order to feel happy and really help you figure out like, how can I feel happy here?
How can I love this part of the journey? How can I find the 50% that's good right now? Number seven, stop [00:14:00] arguing with reality. So many of us spend so much of our lives arguing with it shouldn't, they shouldn't be like this. He shouldn't act like that. I shouldn't have to do this. I don't wanna live here. I don't wanna be in this cold.
I don't Whatever you, you have two options. Always, always, always. You either change your circumstances, you don't wanna live there or move. You don't wanna be that with, with that person. Break up. You don't want that job. Get another job. We all act as if we can't change our circumstances. You can't. You are not stuck anywhere you are.
If you're listening to this podcast, you are living in a free society that allows you to do what you want. Now you choose not to, and that's okay. Your other option is to change the way you think about it. Those are the only two choices. That's it. You change your circumstances or you change your thoughts, and you get to decide which one you're gonna do.
But for the love of God, pick one. Because for so many of us, we don't do either. We don't change our circumstances and then we just bitch and complain about it. And we keep arguing that like, it should be different, but it's [00:15:00] not. Your mother's gonna be the way that she is. The weather's gonna be the way that it is.
Uh, the pay that you're making at this job is the way that it is. You either learn to accept that and find the good in that, find the 50 50, change the way you feel about it, or you change the circumstance. That's it. Those are the only two options. And so I think when you can really understand like, what is the reality here?
Let me just accept what is, and then decide what I wanna do. Do I wanna change it or do I wanna change the way I think those are, that's all I get here. There's no secret option C where I get to like all of a sudden not change the circumstance and everything works out the way that I want. Number eight.
Stop waiting for the day that you don't have problems. This kind of piggybacks on the 50 50 thing. There will never be a day, ever, I don't care how much you change yourself, I don't care how much better you become. I don't care how smart you are. I don't care the job you have, I don't care how much money you make, there will never [00:16:00] be a time where you don't have problems, and so you have to stop waiting for that day in order to feel okay.
Honestly, when you start expecting the fact that like. There will be problems always. It makes it easier to just deal with the problems. Be like, all right, what problem are we dealing with today? Because there will always be problems. There will always be, whether it's your kids, your spouse, relationships, work life, driving down the freeway.
There's always problems and I think again, this kind of also piggybacks on stop arguing with reality because I think part of the problem is that we don't think it should be like that. I should get to a place where I never have to stress again, where I never have to worry about a problem, where I never have to, that doesn't exist in the human experience.
In fact, we'll create problems when we don't have 'em, and that's okay. So I think when you can stop realizing that like you're not doing anything wrong because you have problems. This is just what is the human experience? And if that's true, if you're not doing anything wrong, then how [00:17:00] do you, can you deal with the problems that you're dealing with a little bit easier?
How can you not, be holding your breath in order for that to be that chapter be to be done in order to feel okay? What if that's just part of the chapter and you get to enjoy that too? Think about it. We're flying through these. Number nine. Normalize changing your mind. This is across the board on anything, on your opinions, on your job, on your relationships.
You are not the same person that you were 10 years ago, five years ago. A year ago, six months ago. Hopefully you are constantly changing and growing. That is what is the human experience, and that's a beautiful thing. You get new information, the world changes, people change. We all do. And it's okay to say this was okay for a while, but I don't want it anymore.
I want something [00:18:00] different. I want something more. Or I used to believe this and I don't believe it anymore. That's okay. It's really scary because so many of us base our identities on our beliefs and we. I identify with them. And so changing them feels very threatening to who we are. But when you can learn this skill to realize like, I am not my opinions or my beliefs, those can change and I'll still be me.
It again, can liberate you to constantly allow yourself to grow and evolve, to allow yourself to see, you know, what version of me is gonna be the next version. I was actually thinking about this the other day, like I talk a lot about how. Yes. Life is short, but it's also very long, hopefully for a lot of us, I mean, if we're blessed enough.
And really when you think about like how many decades you're gonna live, and I've thought about this a lot. Like, you know, if I live for another, hopefully 40 years, 50 years, how much life that is and how different I will be. And [00:19:00] I, when you put that in context, like if you think about, I think about like if, if there was a.
Woman my age, let's say like forties in her forties in like 1980. It's like, how could I expect that that woman would be the same person in 2020? Like that's a wild thing. Like to think about everything that happened in the world between those 40 years, right. And all of the growth and all of the knowledge and all of, and to think that like that person is just gonna wanna be in the same job and is gonna wanna have the same friends and it's gonna wanna do the same thing.
Like that's an insane thing to think, obviously. And so I look at myself and I'm like, of course I'm not gonna be the same person. In 2030 or 2040 or 2050, I, I should change. And so normalize that in your normal life right now, I don't want this job anymore. I don't wanna do the same. I like this hobby. I don't like it anymore.
It doesn't mean you're an inconsist, inconsistent person, or you're flaky, or you never stick to things or there's something wrong with you. It just means you're a human. [00:20:00] And the last one that I will leave you with my friends, is that no one has it figured out. I promise you. Everybody is just figuring it out as they go along.
And it can be really easy to think it's just me. I'm the one that doesn't have it figured out everybody else. 'cause kind of just doing this is doing the job thing and doing the married thing or this relationship thing, or whatever it is, whatever the thing is that you think they're doing. And they're not, they're thinking the same thing.
Why don't I have this figured out? Why does that have to be so hard? Why does everybody else seem like they have an easier time? And some of us sure might have an easier time in one area, and then we have a harder time in another. But again, after not only doing this for seven years and coaching so many people on that are in places that other people would look at and think, oh, they have everything.
They have everything together. And talking to those people and then being like, I have no idea what I'm doing. [00:21:00] I am, I'm terrified that people will realize I have no idea what I'm doing. When I started realizing that everybody just has this belief, it became so freeing to realize like, oh, I feel like that too.
Hence my sabbatical. I have no idea what I wanna do after this. But I don't get scared by that because of course I don't. 'cause that's. Being a human is and I can just let myself go on that ride instead of beating myself up and thinking I need to have some kind of five part plan for my life. That's an insane thing to think just like I talked about, like how we're gonna change.
You're gonna change. How can you know what you're gonna want in five or 10 years? It's an impossibility. Think about how much has changed in the last five years, from 2020 until now. How much in the world has changed? How much has technology has changed? There's no way in 2020 for you to have figured out what you were gonna do five years from now.
And so it's such an absurd thing to like, even like, let's say picking a career and knowing you're gonna wanna be in in the next, we don't even know if it'll be around with the technology that there is. And so you have to be able to move [00:22:00] through the world knowing it's okay that I don't have it figured out.
I can figure it out with each step. I can figure it out to the best of my ability and just let the rest be imperfect. How human of me to not have it figured out. And so that's what I wanna leave you with. I think that overarching theme of my work and my message and these top 10 is that I. You are whole and you are normal and there's nothing wrong with you, and you don't have to be any different, and you don't have to be any better, and you don't have to achieve a bunch of things to feel happy, and you don't have to have it figured out, and you don't need to be perfect and not make mistakes.
You get to be you. Your beautiful, flawed human self that is stumbling along your life just like the rest of us, and you get to do it with so much more compassion than you have been. You get to do it loving yourself. You get to do it knowing that you are trying so [00:23:00] freaking hard in this world that is not built for us.
And that you've been trying for so many years and that you are a good person and that you want the best and that you deserve the best. And that's okay. That it doesn't happen with a, in a pretty little package with a bow on top that it's messy and it's inconsistent and it's full of emotion and it's raw and it's.
I don't know, human. And that is the experience. And the more you can see the beauty in that, and the more you can embrace that, the easier this ride is. Truly, my biggest wish for you is to just be easier on yourself, like love yourself more, care for yourself more. You are given this body and this brain and this soul to steward.
That is your job. How dare you be the one that bullies it, that beats it up, that starves it, that does all of these things to harm it. [00:24:00] You are the one that gets to love you. You are the one that gets to decide what you need. You are the one that gets to trust that you know better than anyone else what you want for your life, and you are the one that gets to give yourself that.
And I know that you can do it. And I love you all very much. And truly the work that I've done for the last couple years and that I wanna continue doing is making, allowing more people to see that they're perfect the way that they are with all their flaws, because it makes life a lot easier and a lot more fun.
And. I hope that some of these things resonate, and I hope that you take this with you into 2026 and that you do it with a little bit more gentleness and a little bit more ease. I love you all very dearly. I really, really appreciate you rocking with me for so many years. For so many of you that have listened to the podcast, I cannot explain to you how much it means to me.
I love you [00:25:00] all, and. I will be back for one final episode before I go on sabbatical, so make sure you check that out and I'll see you guys next week.